忏悔录 Confessions | BookⅦ Chapter7 谦逊的秘密

BookⅦ Chapter7

谦逊的秘密

Most eagerly then did I seize that venerable writing of Thy Spirit; and chiefly the Apostle Paul. Where upon those difficulties vanished away, where in he once seemed to me to contradict himself, and the text of his discourse not to agree with the testimonies of the Law and the Prophets. And the face of that pure word appeared to me one and the same; and I learned to rejoice with trembling. So I began; and what so ever truth I had read in those other books, I found here amid the praise of Thy Grace; that who so sees, may not so glory as if he had not received, not only what he sees, but also that he sees (for what hath he, which he hath not received?), and that he may be not only admonished to behold Thee, who art ever the same, but also healed, to hold Thee; and that he who cannot see afar off, may yet walk on the way, where by he may arrive, and behold, and hold Thee. For, though a man be delighted with the law of God after the inner man, what shall he do with that other law in his members which warreth against the law of his mind, and bringeth him into captivity to the law of sin which is in his members? For, Thou art righteous, O Lord, but we have sinned and committed iniquity, and have done wickedly, and Thy hand is grown heavy upon us, and we are justly delivered over unto that ancient sinner, the king of death; because he persuaded our will to be like his will where by he abode not in Thy truth. What shall wretched man do? Who shall deliver him from the body of his death, but only Thy Grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord, whom Thou hast begotten co-eternal, and formedst in the beginning of Thy ways, in whom the prince of this world found nothing worthy of death, yet killed he Him; and the handwriting, which was contrary to us, was blotted out?

我以迫不及待的心情，捧读着你的“圣神”所启示的崇高著作，特别是使徒保罗的著作。过去我认为保罗有时自相矛盾，和《旧约》的律法、先知书抵触；这些疑难涣然冰释之后，我清楚看出这些纯粹的言论绝无歧异之处，我学会了“战战兢兢地欢乐”。[41]我开始下功夫，我发现过去在其他书籍中读到的正确的理论，都见于圣经，但读时必须依靠你的恩宠，凡有所见，不应“自夸，仿佛以为不是领受来的”，这不仅对于见到的应该如此，为了能够见到，也应如此，——因为，“所有一切，无一不是受之于上帝”，[42]——这样，不仅为了受到督促而求见纯一不变的你，也为了治愈疾患而服膺不释。谁远离了你，不能望见你，便应踏上通向你的道路，然后能看见你，占有你。因为一人即使“衷心喜悦上帝的法律，可是在他肢体之中，另有一种法律，和他内心的法律对抗，把他囚禁于肢体的罪恶法律之中”，[43]他将如何对付呢？主啊，你是公义的，我们背道叛道德，多行不义，“你的手沉重地压在我们身上”。[44]我们理应交付于罪恶的宿犯，死亡的首领，因为是他诱惑我们，使我们尤而效之，离弃真理。这样可怜的人能做什么？“谁能挽救他脱离死亡的肉体？”只有凭借你的恩宠，依靠我们的主、耶稣基督，他是你的圣子，和你同属永恒，你“在造化之初”[45]创造了他，人世的统治者在他身上找不到应死的罪名，把他处死；“我们的罪状因此一笔勾销”。[46]

This those writings contain not. Those pages present not the image of this piety, the tears of confession, Thy sacrifice, a troubled spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, the salvation of the people, the Bridal City, the earnest of the Holy Ghost, the Cup of our Redemption. No man sings there, Shall not my soul be submitted unto God? For of Him cometh my salvation. For He is my God and my salvation, my guardian, I shall no more be moved. No one there hears Him call, Come unto Me, all ye that labour. They scorn to learn of Him, because He is meek and lowly in heart; for these things hast Thou hid from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes. For it is one thing, from the mountain's shaggy top to see the land of peace, and to find no way thither; and in vain to essay through ways unpassable, opposed and beset by fugitives and deserters, under their captain the lion and the dragon: and another to keep on the way that leads thither, guarded by the host of the heavenly General; where they spoil not who have deserted the heavenly army; for they avoid it, as very torment.

以上种种，那些书籍中都未写出。在那些字里行间，没有孝顺的情愫，没有忏悔的眼泪，也没有“你所喜爱的祭献，愤悱的精神，痛切心扉的良心”，[47]更没有民族的救援，你所许诺的圣城，“圣神”的保证，普渡人类的酒爵。所以那些书籍中，当然没有人歌唱：“我的灵魂岂非属于上帝吗？我的救赎自他而来，因为他是我的上帝，我的救赎，我的堡垒；我安然更不飘摇。”[48]读遍了那些书，谁也听不到这样的号召：“劳苦的人到我这里来”。[49]他们藐视他的教诲，因为他是“良善心谦的”，[50]因为“你把这些事瞒住了聪明卓见的人，而启示于弱小者”。[51]从丛林的高处眺望和平之乡而不见道路，疲劳伤神，彷徨于圹壤之野，受到以毒龙猛狮为首的逋逃者重重进逼是一回事；遵循着天上君王所掌管的，为逃避天上兵役的人们所不敢拦劫的，——因为他们避开这条道路，犹如逃避刑罚一般——通向和平之乡的道路，是另一回事。

These things did wonderfully sink into my bowels, when I read that least of Thy Apostles, and had meditated upon Thy works, and trembled exceedingly.

我读了自称“使徒中最小的一个”，保罗的著作，这些思想憬然回旋于我心神之中，这时仰瞻你的神功伟绩，我不禁发出惊奇的赞叹。