忏悔录 Confessions | BOOK V Chapter 8 奥古斯丁与安布罗西乌斯

BOOKV Chapter8

奥古斯丁与安布罗西乌斯

When therefore they of Milan had sent to Rome to the prefect of the city, to furnish them with a rhetoric reader for their city, and sent him at the public expense, I made application (through those very persons, intoxicated with Manichaean vanities, to be freed where from I was to go, neither of us however knowing it) that Symmachus, then prefect of the city, would try me by setting me some subject, and so send me.

这时米兰派人到罗马，请罗马市长委任一位雄辩术教授，并授予他公费旅行的权利。我通过那些沉醉于幻想的摩尼教徒——我从此将和他们脱离关系，但我们双方都不知道——谋这职务。我定了一篇演说稿上呈于当时的市长西玛库斯，他表示满意，便派我去米兰。[27]

To Milan I came, to Ambrose the Bishop, known to the whole world as among the best of men, Thy devout servant; whose eloquent discourse did then plentifully dispense unto Thy people the flour of Thy wheat, the gladness of Thy oil, and the sober inebriation of Thy wine. To him was I unknowing led by Thee, that by him I might knowingly be led to Thee.

我到米兰后，便去拜谒安布罗西乌斯主教[28]，这是一位举世闻名的杰出人物，也是一位敬畏你的人。他的坚强有力的言论把你的“麦子的精华”、你的“欢愉之油”[29]和你的“和醇的酒”[30]散发给你的子民。我不自知地受你引导走向他，使我自觉地受他引导归向你。

That man of God received me as a father, and showed me an Episcopal kindness on my coming.

这位“主的仆人”以慈父般接纳我，并以主教的风度欢迎我来此作客。

Thenceforth I began to love him, at first indeed not as a teacher of the truth (which I utterly despaired of in Thy Church), but as a person kind towards myself. And I listened diligently to him preaching to the people, not with that intent I ought, but, as it were, trying his eloquence, whether it answered the fame there of, or flowed fuller or lower than was reported; and I hung on his words attentively; but of the matter I was as a careless and scornful looker-on; and I was delighted with the sweetness of his discourse, more recondite, yet in manner less winning and harmonious, than that of Faustus. Of the matter, however, there was no comparison; for the one was wandering amid Manichaean delusions, the other teaching salvation most soundly.

我开始敬爱他，但最先并不把他作为真理的明师——我绝不希望在你的教会内找到真理——不过把他视为一个对我和蔼可亲的人物。我很用心地听他对群众所作的讲论，但不抱着应有的目的，而好像是为了测验他的口才是否符合他的声誉，是过还是不及；我全神贯注地倾听着，已被他的词令所吸引，但对于内容并不措意，甚至抱着轻视的态度；我欣赏他谈吐的典雅，觉得他比福斯图斯渊博，但论述的方式，比福斯图斯更有风趣，更容易感动人。至以内容而论则两人是无可比拟的，一个是沉溺于摩尼教的谬说，一个是以最健全的生命之道传给大众。

But salvation is far from sinners, such as I then stood before him; and yet was I drawing nearer by little and little, and unconsciously.

救恩还远离着像我这样的罪人，但我渐渐地、不知不觉地在接近它。

For though I took no pains to learn what he spake, but only to hear how he spake (for that empty care alone was left me, despairing of a way, open for man, to Thee), yet together with the words which I would choose, came also into my mind the things which I would refuse; for I could not separate them. And while I opened my heart to admit "how eloquently he spake," there also entered "how truly he spake"; but this by degrees.

我不注意他所论述的内容，仅仅着眼于他论述的方式，——我虽不希望导向你的道路就此畅通，但总抱着一种空洞的想往——我所忽视的内容，随着我所钦爱的词令一起进入我的思想中。我无法把二者分别取舍。因此我心门洞开接纳他的滔滔不绝的词令时，其中所涵的真理也逐渐灌输进去了。

For first, these things also had now begun to appear to me capable of defence; and the Catholic faith, for which I had thought nothing could be said against the Manichees' objections, I now thought might be maintained without shamelessness; especially after I had heard one or two places of the Old Testament resolved, and of times "in a figure," which when I understood literally, I was slain spiritually. Very many places then of those books having been explained, I now blamed my despair, in believing that no answer could be given to such as hated and scoffed at the Law and the Prophets.

我开始觉得他的见解的确持之有故，言之成理；在此以前，我以为公教信仰在摩尼教徒的责难之前只能扪口无言，这时我觉得公教信仰并非蛮不讲理而坚持的，特别在听了安布罗西乌斯解答《旧约》上一些疑难的文字之后；我觉得我过去是拘泥于字面而走入死路。听了他从文字的精神来诠释《旧约》中许多记载后，我后悔我的绝望，后悔我过去相信摩尼教对《旧约》律法先知书的谶议排斥是无法反驳的。

Yet did I not therefore then see that the Catholic way was to be held, because it also could find learned maintainers, who could at large and with some show of reason answer objections; nor that what I held was therefore to be condemned, because both sides could be maintained. For the Catholic cause seemed to me in such sort not vanquished, as still not as yet to be victorious.

但我并不因此而感觉到公教的道路是应该走的，因为即使公教有博学雄辩之士能详尽地、合理地解答难题，我认为并不因此而应该排斥摩尼教信徒，双方是旗鼓相当。总之，在我看来，公教虽不是战败者，但还不是胜利者。

Here upon I earnestly bent my mind, to see if in any way I could by any certain proof convict the Manichees of falsehood. Could I once have conceived a spiritual substance, all their strongholds had been beaten down, and cast utterly out of my mind; but I could not. Notwithstanding, concerning the frame of this world, and the whole of nature, which the senses of the flesh can reach to, as I more and more considered and compared things, I judged the tenets of most of the philosophers to have been much more probable.

这时我竭力思索、找寻足以证明摩尼教错误的可靠证据。如果我当时能想像出一种精神体，则我立即能驳斥摩尼教的凿空之说，把它从我心中抛出去；但我做不到。可是对于官感所能接触的物质世界和自然界，通过观察、比较后，我看出许多哲学家的见解可靠得多了。

So then after the manner of the Academics (as they are supposed) doubting of every thing, and wavering between all, I settled so far, that the Manichees were to be abandoned; judging that, even while doubting, I might not continue in that sect, to which I already preferred some of the philosophers; to which philosophers notwithstanding, for that they were without the saving Name of Christ, I utterly refused to commit the cure of my sick soul.

因此，依照一般人所理解的“学园派”的原则，我对一切怀疑，在一切之中飘飖不定。我认为在我犹豫不决之时，既然看出许多哲学家的见解优于摩尼教，便不应再留连于摩尼教中，因此我决定脱离摩尼教。至于那些不识基督名字的哲学家，我也并不信任他们，请他们治疗我灵魂的疾病。

I determined therefore so long to be a Catechumen in the Catholic Church, to which I had been commended by my parents, till something certain should dawn upon me, whither I might steer my course.

为此，我决定在父母所嘱咐的公教会中继续做一名“望教者”，等待可靠的光明照耀我，指示我前进的方向。