忏悔录 Confessions | BookⅣ Chapter7 迦太基之行
BookⅣ Chapter7
迦太基之行
O madness, which knowest not how to love men, like men! O foolish man that I then was, enduring impatiently the lot of man! I fretted then, sighed, wept, was distracted; had neither rest nor counsel. For I bore about a shattered and bleeding soul, impatient of being borne by me, yet where to repose it, I found not. Not in calm groves, not in games and music, nor in fragrant spots, nor in curious banquetings, nor in the pleasures of the bed and the couch; nor (finally) in books or poesy, found it repose. All things looked ghastly, yea, the very light; what so ever was not what he was, was revolting and hateful, except groaning and tears. For in those alone found I a little refreshment. But when my soul was withdrawn from them a huge load of misery weighed me down.
唉,真是一种不懂以人道教人的疯狂!一个满腹委屈忍受人生的傻瓜!我当时确是如此。因此,我愤愤不平,我叹息痛哭,我心烦虑乱,不得安宁,我一筹莫展。我背负着一个破裂的、血淋淋的、不肯被我背负的灵魂,我也不知道把它安置在哪里。无论在优美的树林中,在娱乐歌舞中,在清香四溢的田野中,在丰盛的筵宴中,在书籍诗文中,都得不到宁静。一切,连光明也成为可憎的;一切,除了呻吟和痛哭外,只要不是他,便使我难堪,讨厌;只有寄顿在呻吟和痛哭之中;但只要我的灵魂一离开呻吟和痛哭,那么痛苦的担子更觉重重压在我身上。
To Thee, O Lord, it ought to have been raised, for Thee to lighten; I knew it; but neither could nor would; the more, since, when I thought of Thee, Thou wert not to me any solid or substantial thing. For Thou wert not Thyself, but a mere phantom, and my error was my God. If I offered to discharge my load there on, that it might rest, it glided through the void, and came rushing down again on me; and I had remained to myself a helpless spot, where I could neither be, nor be from thence. For whither should my heart flee from my heart? Whither should I flee from myself? Whither not follow myself?
主啊,我知道只有你能减轻我的负担,能治疗我,但我既不愿,也不可能;我意想中的你并非什么稳定实在的东西,因为这不是你,而是空洞的幻影,我的错误即是我的上帝。我想把我的灵魂安置在那里,让它休息,它便堕入虚测之中,重又压在我身上;我自身依旧是一个不幸的场所,既不能停留,又不能脱离,因为我的心怎能避开我的心,我怎能避开我自身?哪里我能不追随我自身?
And yet I fled out of my country; for so should mine eyes less look for him, where they were not wont to see him. And thus from Thagaste, I came to Carthage.
但我逃出了我的故乡。因为在过去不经常看见我朋友的地方,我的眼睛又会像在本乡一样找寻他。我离开了塔加斯特城,来到了迦太基。[12]
[12] 按这是公元376年的事。奥氏在所著《驳学园派》一书中,对此次出游补充了一些细节。
↓ 往期内容链接 ↓
BookⅠ
【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 洁净心灵 BookⅠChapter 5
【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 孩童获宠 BookⅠChapter 6
【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 孩子的天真 BookⅠ Chapter 7
【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 牙牙学语 BookⅠ Chapter 8
【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 威胁挨打 BookⅠChapter 9
【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 潜移默化
BookⅠChapter 11
【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |希望学有所成 BookⅠ Chapter 15
【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 成绩特殊 BookⅠ Chapter 17
BookⅡ
BookⅢ
Book Ⅳ
排版:文静 校对:Snow
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