忏悔录 Confessions | BookⅦ Chapter1 上帝的观念

BookⅦ Chapter1

上帝的观念

Deceased was now that my evil and abominable youth, and I was passing into early manhood; the more defiled by vain things as I grew in years, who could not imagine any substance, but such as is wont to be seen with these eyes. I thought not of Thee, O God, under the figure of a human body; since I began to hear aught of wisdom, I always avoided this; and rejoiced to have found the same in the faith of our spiritual mother, Thy Catholic Church. But what else to conceive of Thee I knew not. And I, a man, and such man, sought to conceive of Thee the sovereign, only, true God; and I did in my inmost soul believe that Thou wert incorruptible, and uninjurable, and unchangeable; because though not knowing whence or how, yet I saw plainly, and was sure, that that which may be corrupted must be inferior to that which cannot; what could not be injured I preferred unhesitatingly to what could receive injury; the unchangeable to things subject to change.

我败坏而罪恶的青年时代已经死去，我正在走上壮年时代，我年龄愈大，我思想的空虚愈显得可耻。除了双目经常看见的物体外，我不能想像其他实体。自从我开始听到智慧的一些教训后，我不再想像你上帝具有人的形体——我始终躲避这种错误，我很高兴在我们的精神母亲、你的公教会的信仰中找到这一点——可是我还不能用另一种方式来想像你。一个人，像我这样一个人，企图想像你至尊的、唯一的、真正的上帝！我以内心的全副热情，相信你是不能朽坏、不能损伤、不能改变的；我不知道这思想是从哪里来的，怎样来的；但我明确看到不能朽坏一定优于可能朽坏，不能损伤一定优于可能损伤，不能改变一定优于可能改变。

My heart passionately cried out against all my phantoms, and with this one blow I sought to beat away from the eye of my mind all that unclean troop which buzzed around it. And lo, being scarce put off, in the twinkling of an eye they gathered again thick about me, flew against my face, and beclouded it; so that though not under the form of the human body, yet was I constrained to conceive of Thee (that incorruptible, uninjurable, and unchangeable, which I preferred before the corruptible, and injurable, and changeable) as being in space, whether infused into the world, or diffused infinitely without it. Because what so ever I conceived, deprived of this space, seemed to me nothing, yea altogether nothing, not even a void, as if a body were taken out of its place, and the place should remain empty of any body at all, of earth and water, air and heaven, yet would it remain a void place, as it were a spacious nothing.

我的心呵叱着一切幻象，我力图把大批绕我飞翔的丑恶影像从我心目中一麾而去。可是随散随集，依然蜂拥我前，遮蔽我的视线。因之，我虽不再以人体的形状来想像你，但仍不得不设想为空间的一种物质，或散布在世界之中，或散布在世界之外的无限空际，我以为这样一个不能朽坏、不能损伤、不能变易的东西总优于可能朽坏、可能损伤、可能改变的东西，因为一样不被空间所占有的东西，在我看来，即是虚无，绝对虚无，而不仅仅是空虚，譬如一件东西从一处搬走，这地方空无一物，不论地上的、水中的、空际或天上的东西都没有，但境界则依旧存在，则是一个空虚之境，是有空间的虚无。

I then being thus gross-hearted, nor clear even to myself, what so ever was not extended over certain spaces, nor diffused, nor condensed, nor swelled out, or did not or could not receive some of these dimensions, I thought to be altogether nothing. For over such forms as my eyes are wont to range, did my heart then range: nor yet did I see that this same notion of the mind, where by I formed those very images, was not of this sort, and yet it could not have formed them, had not itself been some great thing.

我昏昧的心甚至不能反身看清自己；我以为凡不占空间的，不散布于空间的，不凝聚于空间，不能在空间滋长的，凡不具备或不能具备这些条件的，都是绝对虚无。因为我的眼睛经常在那些形象中出入，我的思想也在其中活动，而我没有看出构成这些形象的思想和形象的性质截然不同，如果思想不是一种伟大的东西，便不可能构成这些形象。

So also did I endeavour to conceive of Thee, Life of my life, as vast, through infinite spaces on every side penetrating the whole mass of the universe, and beyond it, every way, through unmeasurable boundless spaces; so that the earth should have Thee, the heaven have Thee, all things have Thee, and they be bounded in Thee, and Thou bounded nowhere. For that as the body of this air which is above the earth, hindereth not the light of the sun from passing through it, penetrating it, not by bursting or by cutting, but by filling it wholly: so I thought the body not of heaven, air, and sea only, but of the earth too, pervious to Thee, so that in all its parts, the greatest as the smallest, it should admit Thy presence, by a secret inspiration, within and without, directing all things which Thou hast created. So I guessed, only as unable to conceive aught else, for it was false. For thus should a greater part of the earth contain a greater portion of Thee, and a less, a lesser: and all things should in such sort be full of Thee, that the body of an elephant should contain more of Thee, than that of a sparrow, by how much larger it is, and takes up more room; and thus shouldest Thou make the several portions of Thyself present unto the several portions of the world, in fragments, large to the large, petty to the petty. But such art not Thou. But not as yet hadst Thou enlightened my darkness.

为此，我设想你，我生命的生命，是广大无边的，你渗透着整个世界，又在世界之外，充塞到无限的空间；天、地、一切都占有你，一切在你之中都有限度，但你无可限量。犹如空气，地上的空气、并不障碍日光，日光透过空气，并不碎裂空气，而空气充满着日光；我以为天、地、空气、海洋、任何部分，不论大小，都被你渗透，有你的存在，六合内外，你用神秘的气息，统摄你所造的万物。我只是如此猜测，因我别无了悟的方法。但这种猜度是错误的。因为按照这种想法，天地大的部分占有你的大，小的部分占有你的小；万物都充满了你，则大象比麻雀体积大，因之占有你的部分多，如此你便为世界各部分所分割，随着体积的大小，分别占有你多少。其实并不如此。你还没有照明我的黑暗。

It was enough for me, Lord, to oppose to those deceived deceivers, and dumb praters, since Thy word sounded not out of them; that was enough which long ago, while we were yet at Carthage, Nebridius used to propound, at which all we that heard it were staggered: "That said nation of darkness, which the Manichees are wont to set as an opposing mass over against Thee, what could it have done unto Thee, hadst Thou refused to fight with it? For, if they answered, 'it would have done Thee some hurt,' then shouldest Thou be subject to injury and corruption: but if could do Thee no hurt,' then was no reason brought for Thy fighting with it; and fighting in such wise, as that a certain portion or member of Thee, or offspring of Thy very Substance, should he mingled with opposed powers, and natures not created by Thee, and be by them so far corrupted and changed to the worse, as to be turned from happiness into misery, and need assistance, where by it might be extricated and purified; and that this offspring of Thy Substance was the soul, which being enthralled, defiled, corrupted, Thy Word, free, pure, and whole, might relieve; that Word itself being still corruptible because it was of one and the same Substance. So then, should they affirm Thee, what so ever Thou art, that is, Thy Substance whereby Thou art, to be incorruptible, then were all these sayings false and execrable; but if corruptible, the very statement showed it to be false and revolting."

为了驳斥那些自欺欺人、饶舌的哑吧——因为你的“圣道”并不通过他们说话——对我而言，内布利提乌斯早已在迦太基时屡次提出的难题已经足够。这难题我们听了思想上都因此动摇：摩尼教徒经常提出一个和你对立的黑暗势力，如果你不愿和它相斗，它对你有何办法？倘若回答说：能带给你一些损害，那么你是可能损伤，可能朽坏了！倘若回答说：对你无能为力，那么就没有对抗的理由，没有理由说你的一部分，或你的某一肢体，或你本体的产物，被恶势力或一种在你创造之外的力量所渗和，受到破坏，丧失了幸福而陷入痛苦，因此需要你进行战伐而予以援救，为之洗涤；据他们说，这一部分即是灵魂，需要你的“圣道”来解救，则你的“道”，一面是自由而未受奴役，纯洁而未受玷污，完整而未受毁坏，一面却是可能朽坏，因为与灵魂出于同一的本体。因此，不论他们说你怎样，如果说你赖以存在的本体是不可能损坏的，则他们的全部理论都是错误荒谬，如果说你是可能损坏，则根本已经错误，开端就是大逆不道。

This argument then of Nebridius sufficed against those who deserved wholly to be vomited out of the overcharged stomach; for they had no escape, without horrible blasphemy of heart and tongue, thus thinking and speaking of Thee.

该项论证已经足够驳斥那些摩尼教徒了，他们压制我们的心胸，无论如何应受我们唾弃。因为对于你持有这样的论调，抱着这种思想，他们的口舌肺腑无法避免地犯下了可憎的、亵渎神的罪。

↓ 往期内容链接 ↓

BookⅠ

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |BookⅠ Chapter1 颂扬

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |BookⅠChapter2呼吁

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |BookⅠChapter3 呼吁

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |BookⅠChapter4 讴歌

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |BookⅠChapter5 洁子心灵

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |BookⅠChapter6 孩童获宠

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |BookⅠChapter7 孩子的天真

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |BookⅠChapter8 牙牙学语

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |BookⅠChapter9 威胁挨打