忏悔录 Confessions | BOOKV Chapter 3 奥古斯丁与福斯图斯

BOOKV Chapter 3

奥古斯丁与福斯图斯

And for almost all those nine years, where in with unsettled mind I had been their disciple, I had longed but too intensely for the coming of this Faustus. For the rest of the sect, whom by chance I had lighted upon, when unable to solve my objections about these things, still held out to me the coming of this Faustus, by conference with whom these and greater difficulties, if I had them, were to be most readily and abundantly cleared.

在近乎九年之中，我的思想彷徨不定；我听信他们的话，怀着非常热烈的愿望等待那位福斯图斯的莅临。因为我偶然接触到一些教徒，他们不能答复我所提出的问题，便捧出福斯图斯，据说只要他来，我和他一谈，这些问题便迎刃而解，即使有更重大的问题，他也能清楚解答。

When then he came, I found him a man of pleasing discourse, and who could speak fluently and in better terms, yet still but the self-same things which they were wont to say. But what availed the utmost neatness of the cup-bearer to my thirst for a more precious draught? Mine ears were already cloyed with the like, nor did they seem to me therefore better, because better said; nor therefore true, because eloquent; nor the soul therefore wise, because the face was comely, and the language graceful. But they who held him out to me were no good judges of things; and therefore to them he appeared understanding and wise, because in words pleasing.

他终于来了。我觉得他确是一个很有风趣、善于词令的人物，一般老生常谈出于他的口中便觉非常动听。可是这位彬彬有礼的斟酒者递给我一只名贵的空杯，怎能解我的酒渴呢？我的耳朵已经听够了这些滥调，我认为并不能因说得更妙而更好，说得更详细而更真实，我并不认为福斯图斯相貌端好口才伶俐便有明智的灵魂。向我吹嘘福斯图斯的人并没有品藻人物的本领，不过因他娓娓的谈论，便以他为有慧根、有卓见。

I felt however that another sort of people were suspicious even of truth, and refused to assent to it, if delivered in a smooth and copious discourse. But Thou, O my God, hadst already taught me by wonderful and secret ways, and therefore I believe that Thou taughtest me, because it is truth, nor is there besides Thee any teacher of truth, where or whence so ever it may shine upon us. Of Thyself therefore had I now learned, that neither ought any thing to seem to be spoken truly, because eloquently; nor therefore falsely, because the utterance of the lips is inharmonious; nor, again, therefore true, because rudely delivered; nor therefore false, because the language is rich; but that wisdom and folly are as wholesome and unwholesome food; and adorned or unadorned phrases as courtly or country vessels; either kind of meats may be served up in either kind of dishes.

我不接触到另一类人；他们以为敷陈真理，如通过粲花妙论，便认为可疑，不能倾心接受。我的上帝啊，你用奇妙隐秘的方式教导我，我的所以相信，是因为你的教诲都是正确的，不论在什么地方，凡真理照耀之处，除了你，别无其他真理的导师。我受你的教导，已能懂得一件事不能因为说得巧妙，便成为真理，也不能因言语的朴拙而视为错误；但也不能因言语的粗率而视为真理，因言语典雅而视为错误；总之，智与愚，犹如美与恶的食物，言语的巧拙，不过如杯盘的精粗，不论杯盘精粗，都能盛这两类食物。

That greediness then, where with I had of so long time expected that man, was delighted verily with his action and feeling when disputing, and his choice and readiness of words to clothe his ideas. I was then delighted, and, with many others and more than they, did I praise and extol him. It troubled me, however, that in the assembly of his auditors, I was not allowed to put in and communicate those questions that troubled me, in familiar converse with him. Which when I might, and with my friends began to engage his ears at such times as it was not unbecoming for him to discuss with me, and had brought forward such things as moved me; I found him first utterly ignorant of liberal sciences, save grammar, and that but in an ordinary way. But because he had read some of Tully's Orations, a very few books of Seneca, some things of the poets, and such few volumes of his own sect as were written in Latin and neatly, and was daily practised in speaking, he acquired a certain eloquence, which proved the more pleasing and seductive because under the guidance of a good wit, and with a kind of natural gracefulness.

我对这人企望已久，这时听他热烈生动的议论并善于运用适当的词令来表达他的思想，的确感到佩服。我和许多人一样佩服他，而且让别人更推重他；但我感到不耐烦的是他常被听众包围，我无法同他作一问一答的亲切谈话，向他提出我所关心的问题。机会终于来到，我和朋友数人能和他叙谈，而且时间也适宜于互相酬答，我便向他提出一些使我不安的问题，我发现这人对自由学术除了文法外，是一无所知，而对文法也不过是寻常的造诣。但由于他读过几篇西塞罗的演说，一两部塞内卡的著作，一些诗集和摩尼教用良好的拉丁文写成的几本书，加上日常口头的训练，因此获得了应对的口才，而且由于他善于利用自己的优点和某种天赋的风度，因此更有风趣，更吸引人。

O Lord my God, Thou judge of my conscience? before Thee is my heart, and my remembrance, Who didst at that time direct me by the hidden mystery of Thy providence, and didst set those shameful errors of mine before my face, that I might see and hate them. Is it not thus, as I recall it.

主、我的上帝，我良心的裁判者，据我记忆所及，是否如此呢？我在你面前，提露我的心和我的记忆，当时你冥冥之中在引导我，把我可耻的错误胪列在我面前，使我见后感到悔恨。

For after it was clear that he was ignorant of those arts in which I thought he excelled, I began to despair of his opening and solving the difficulties which perplexed me (of which indeed however ignorant, he might have held the truths of piety, had he not been a Manichee). For their books are fraught with prolix fables, of the heaven, and stars, sun, and moon, and I now no longer thought him able satisfactorily to decide what I much desired, whether, on comparison of these things with the calculations I had elsewhere read, the account given in the books of Manichaeus were preferable, or at least as good.

我明白看出他对于我以为他所擅长的学问是一无所知，我本来希望他能解决我疑难的问题，至此我开始绝望了。如果他不是摩尼教徒的话，那么即使他不懂这些学问，也可能具有真正的虔诚信仰。但摩尼教的书籍，满纸是有关天象日月星辰的冗长神话：我希望的是福斯图斯能参照其他书籍所载根据推算而作出的论证，为我作明确的解答，使我知道摩尼教书中的论点更可取，至少对事实能提出同样使人满意的解答；这时我已不相信他有此能耐。

Which when I proposed to he considered and discussed, he, so far modestly, shrunk from the burthen. For he knew that he knew not these things, and was not ashamed to confess it. For he was not one of those talking persons, many of whom I had endured, who undertook to teach me these things, and said nothing. But this man had a heart, though not right towards Thee, yet neither altogether treacherous to himself. For he was not altogether ignorant of his own ignorance, nor would he rashly be entangled in a dispute, whence he could neither retreat nor extricate himself fairly. Even for this I liked him the better. For fairer is the modesty of a candid mind, than the knowledge of those things which I desired; and such I found him, in all the more difficult and subtile questions.

但我依旧把问题提出，请他研究和讨论。他很谦虚地推却了，他不敢接受这个任务。他知道自己不懂这些问题，而且能坦白承认。他并不像我所遇到许多大言不惭者，竭力想说服我，却不知所云。他确有心计、虽则他的心并“不坦坦荡荡的对着你”[13]，但真有自知之明。他知道自己学识不够，不愿贸然辩论他毫无把握并将使他陷入绝境的问题。他的诚实更使我同情他。因为虚心承认的美德比我所追求的学问更属可嘉。对于一切疑难的、微妙的问题，我觉得他始终抱此态度。

My zeal for the writings of Manichaeus being thus blunted, and despairing yet more of their other teachers, seeing that in divers things which perplexed me, he, so renowned among them, had so turned out; I began to engage with him in the study of that literature, on which he also was much set (and which as rhetoric-reader I was at that time teaching young students at Carthage), and to read with him, either what himself desired to hear, or such as I judged fit for his genius. But all my efforts whereby I had purposed to advance in that sect, upon knowledge of that man, came utterly to an end; not that I detached myself from them altogether, but as one finding nothing better, I had settled to be content meanwhile with what I had in whatever way fallen upon, unless by chance something more eligible should dawn upon me.

从此我研究摩尼教著作的兴趣被打碎了。我对教中其他博士们日益觉得失望，因为他们中间首屈一指的人物对于我疑惑不解的问题尚且不能取决。我开始和福斯图斯结交，专为研究他酷爱的文学，因为我那时已担任迦太基的雄辩术教授，教导青年文学。我和他一起阅读他早已耳闻而愿意阅读的、或我认为适合于他的才能的书籍。总之，我原来打算在该教中作进一步的研究，自从认识这人后，我的计划全部打销了。但我并不和他们完全决裂；由于我找不到更好的学说，我决定暂时满足于我过去盲目投入的境地，除非得到新的光照，使我作更好的选择。

Thus, that Faustus, to so many a snare of death, had now neither willing nor witting it, begun to loosen that where in I was taken. For Thy hands, O my God, in the secret purpose of Thy providence, did not forsake my soul; and out of my mother's heart's blood, through her tears night and day poured out, was a sacrifice offered for me unto Thee; and Thou didst deal with me by wondrous ways. Thou didst it, O my God: for the steps of a man are ordered by the Lord, and He shall dispose his way. Or how shall we obtain salvation, but from Thy hand, re-making what it made?

那个福斯图斯，本为许多人是“死亡的罗网”[14]却不知不觉地解脱了束缚我的罗网。我的上帝啊，这是因为在你隐我的计划中，你的双手并没有放弃我；我的母亲从她血淋淋的心中，用日夜流下的眼泪为我祭献你。你用奇妙的方式对待我。我的上帝，这是你的措施。因为“主引导人的脚步，规定人的道路”。[15]不是你双手再造你所创造的东西，怎能使我得救呢？