忏悔录 第9章 The Confessions Chapter（9）威胁挨打

O God my God, what miseries and mockeries did I now experience, when obedience to my teachers was proposed to me, as proper in a boy, in order that in this world I might prosper, and excel in tongue-science, which should serve to the "praise of men," and to deceitful riches. Next I was put to school to get learning, in which I (poor wretch) knew not what use there was; and yet, if idle in learning, I was beaten. For this was judged right by our forefathers; and many, passing the same course before us, framed for us weary paths, through which we were fain to pass; multiplying toil and grief upon the sons of Adam.

 But, Lord, we found that men called upon Thee,and we learnt from them to think of Thee (according to our powers) as of some great One, who,though hidden from our senses, couldest hear and help us. For so I began, as a boy, to pray to Thee, my aid and refuge; and broke the fetters of my tongue to call on Thee, praying Thee, though small, yet with no small earnestness, that I might not be beaten at school. And when Thou heardest me not (not thereby giving me over to folly), my elders, yea my very parents, who yet wished me no ill, mocked my stripes, my then great and grievous ill.

天主、我的天主，这时我经受了多少忧患、多少欺骗！当时对童年的我提示出正当生活是在乎听从教诲，为了日后能出人头地，为了擅长于为人间荣华富贵服务的词令。因此，我被送进学校去读书，那时我还不识读书的用处，但如果读得懈怠，便受责打。大人们都赞成这种办法，并且以前已有许多人过着这样的生活，为我们准备了艰涩的道路，强迫我们去走，增加了亚当子孙的辛劳与痛苦。

但是，主，我们也碰到了向你祷告的人，从他们那里，我们也尽可能地学习到、从而意识到你是一个伟大人物，你虽则未尝呈现在我们面前，却能倾听我们、帮助我们。因为我在童年时已开始祈求你，作为我的救援和避难所，我是滔滔不绝地向你呼吁，我年龄虽小却怀着很大的热情，求你保佑我在学校中不受夏楚。每逢你为了我的好没有听从我时，大人们、甚至决不愿我吃苦的父母们都笑受扑责：这在当时是我重大的患难。

Is there, Lord, any of soul so great, and cleaving to Thee with so intense affection (for a sort of stupidity will in a way do it); but is there any one who, from cleaving devoutly to Thee, is endued with so great a spirit, that he can think as lightly of the racks and hooks and other torments (against which, throughout all lands, men call on Thee with extreme dread), mocking at those by whom they are feared most bitterly, as our parents mocked the torments which we suffered in boyhood from our masters? For we feared not our torments less; nor prayed we less to Thee to escape them. And yet we sinned, in writing or reading or studying less than was exacted of us. For we wanted not, O Lord, memory or capacity, whereof Thy will gave enough for our age; but our sole delight was play; and for this we were punished by those who yet themselves were doing the like. But elder folks' idleness is called "business"; that of boys, being really the same, is punished by those elders; and none commiserates either boys or men. For will any of sound discretion approve of my being beaten as a boy, because, by playing a ball, I made less progress in studies which I was to learn, only that, as a man, I might play more unbeseemingly? and what else did he who beat me? who, if worsted in some trifling discussion with his fellow-tutor, was more embittered and jealous than I when beaten at ball by a play-fellow?

主啊，是否有人怀着如此伟大的精神，以无比的热情依恋着你，我说，是否有人——因为有时由于愚昧无知也能到此地步——虔诚依恋着你，抱着宏伟的毅力，身受世界上谁都惊怖战栗、趋避惟恐不及的木马刑、铁爪刑等楚毒的刑罚，而竟处之泰然，甚至还热爱着战慑失色的人们，一如我们的父母嘲笑孩子受老师的扑责？我是非常怕打，切求你使我避免责打，但我写字、读书、温课，依旧不达到要求，依旧犯罪。

主啊，我并不缺乏你按照年龄而赋畀的记忆和理解力；但我欢喜游戏，并受到同样从事游戏者的责罚。大人们的游戏被认为是正经事，而孩子们游戏便受大人们责打，人们既不可怜孩子，也不可怜大人。但一个公正的人是否能赞成别人责打我，由于我孩子时因打球游戏而不能很快读熟文章，而这些文章在我成年后将成为更恶劣的玩具？另一面，责打我的人怎样呢？假如他和同事吵架，被同事打败，那他便发出比我打球输给同学时更大的嫉恨！