忏悔录 Confessions | BookⅢ Chapter9 莫尼加的梦

BookⅢ Chapter9

莫尼加的梦

And Thou sentest Thine hand from above, and drewest my soul out of that profound darkness, my mother, Thy faithful one, weeping to Thee for me, more than mothers weep the bodily deaths of their children. For she, by that faith and spirit which she had from Thee, discerned the death where in I lay, and Thou heardest her, O Lord; Thou heardest her, and despisedst not her tears, when streaming down, they watered the ground under her eyes in every place where she prayed; yea Thou heardest her. For whence was that dream whereby Thou comfortedst her; so that she allowed me to live with her, and to eat at the same table in the house, which she had begun to shrink from, abhorring and detesting the blasphemies of my error? For she saw herself standing on a certain wooden rule, and a shining youth coming towards her, cheerful and smiling upon her, herself grieving, and overwhelmed with grief. But he having (in order to instruct, as is their wont not to be instructed) enquired of her the causes of her grief and daily tears, and she answering that she was bewailing my perdition, he bade her rest contented, and told her to look and observe, "That where she was, there was I also." And when she looked, she saw me standing by her in the same rule.

你自天垂手，把我的灵魂从黑暗的深渊拯救出来，我的母亲、你的忠心的婢女为了我向你痛哭，远过于母亲痛哭死去的子女。她看见我在她所得自你的信仰和精神方面已经死去。主，你应允她的祈祷，你应允她，并没有轻视她在各处祈祷时流下的眼泪，你应允她的祈祷。因为她所得的梦从哪里来的呢？你在梦中安慰她，她因此重新收抚我，许我在家中和她同桌饮食。她初起对我侮慢神圣的罪行是深恶痛绝的。她梦中见她自己站在一条木尺上，又见一位容光焕发的青年含笑走到她跟前。这时她痛不自胜，那位青年询问她何故悲伤天天哭泣——这样的询问往往是为了劝导，不是为了探听——她回答说是痛心于我的丧亡，那位青年请她放心，教她留心看，她在那里，我也在那里，她仔细一看，看见我在她身边，站在同一木尺上。

Whence was this, but that Thine ears were towards her heart? O Thou God omnipotent, who so carest for every one of us, as if Thou caredst for him only; and so for all, as if they were but one!

这梦是哪里来的呢？一定是你倾听她的心声，全能的好上帝啊！你照顾着每一人，仿佛只照顾一个人，你照顾全人类，犹如照顾一人。

Whence was this also, that when she had told me this vision, and I would fain bend it to mean, "That she rather should not despair of being one day what I was"; she presently, without any hesitation, replies: "No; for it was not told me that, 'where he, thou there also'; but 'where thou, there he also'?"

还有一点：她向我谈梦中情形时，我竭力向她解说，教她不要失望，说她日后也会成为我当时那样，她竟毫不犹豫地说：“不，他不对我说：“他在那里，你也将在那里”；[13]而是说：“你在那里，他也将在那里。”

I confess to Thee, O Lord, that to the best of my remembrance (and I have oft spoken of this), that Thy answer, through my waking mother, -that she was not perplexed by the plausibility of my false interpretation, and so quickly saw what was to be seen, and which I certainly had not perceived before she spake, -even then moved me more than the dream itself, by which a joy to the holy woman, to be fulfilled so long after, was, for the consolation of her present anguish, so long before foresignified.

主啊，据我记忆所及我向你忏悔，我已屡次说过：当时你借我母亲的口所给我的答复，我母亲不为我的似是而非的解释所迷惑，并且能迅速看出应该看到的意义——如果她不说，我当时的确看不出——这种种比那场梦更使我感动。这个梦为安慰我母亲当前的忧虑，预示了她经过很长时期后才能实现的快乐。

For almost nine years passed, in which I wallowed in the mire of that deep pit, and the darkness of falsehood, often as saying to rise, but dashed down the more grievously. All which time that chaste, godly, and sober widow (such as Thou lovest), now more cheered with hope, yet no whit relaxing in her weeping and mourning, ceased not at all hours of her devotions to bewail my case unto Thee. And her prayers entered into Thy presence; and yet Thou sufferedst me to be yet involved and reinvolved in that darkness.

因为我在垢污的深坑中、在错误的黑暗中打滚，大约有九年之久！我屡次想站起来，而每次使我陷得更深一层，但我的母亲，一如你所喜爱的贞静、诚敬、朴素的节妇，虽则抱着满怀希望，但依旧痛哭呻吟，在祈祷时继续为我向你发出哀号，她的祈祷达到你面前，你却让我继续在黑暗中旋转。