忏悔录 Confessions | BookⅢ Chapter2 剧迷

BookⅢ Chapter2

剧迷

Stage-plays also carried me away, full of images of my miseries, and of fuel to my fire. Why is it, that man desires to be made sad, beholding doleful and tragical things, which yet himself would no means suffer? Yet he desires as a spectator to feel sorrow at them, this very sorrow is his pleasure. What is this but a miserable madness? For a man is the more affected with these actions, the less free he is from such affections. How so ever, when he suffers in his own person, it uses to be styled misery: when he compassionates others, then it is mercy. But what sort of compassion is this for feigned and scenical passions? For the auditor is not called on to relieve, but only to grieve: and he applauds the actor of these fictions the more, the more he grieves. And if the calamities of those persons (whether of old times, or mere fiction) be so acted, that the spectator is not moved to tears, he goes away disgusted and criticising; but if he be moved to passion, he stays intent, and weeps for joy.

我被充满着我的悲惨生活的写照和燃炽我欲火的炉灶一般的戏剧所攫取了。人们愿意看自己不愿遭遇的悲惨故事而伤心，这究竟为了什么？一人愿意从看戏引起悲痛，而这悲痛就作为他的乐趣。这岂非一种可怜的变态？一个人越不能摆脱这些情感，越容易被它感动。一人自身受苦，人们说他不幸；如果同情别人的痛苦，便说这人有恻隐之心。但对于虚构的戏剧，恻隐之心究竟是什么？戏剧并不鼓励观众帮助别人，不过引逗观众的伤心，观众越感到伤心，编剧者越能受到赞赏。如果看了历史上的或竟是捕风捉影的悲剧而毫不动情，那就败兴出场，批评指摘，假如能感到回肠荡气，便看得津津有味，自觉高兴。

Are griefs then too loved? Verily all desire joy. Or where as no man likes to be miserable, is he yet pleased to be merciful, which because it cannot be without passion, for this reason alone are passions loved?

于此可见，人们欢喜的是眼泪和悲伤。但谁都要快乐，谁也不愿受苦，却愿意同情别人的痛苦；同情必然带来悲苦的情味。那末是否仅仅由于这一原因而甘愿伤心？

This also springs from that vein of friendship. But whither goes that vein? Whither flows it? wherefore runs it into that torrent of pitch bubbling forth those monstrous tides of foul lustfulness, into which it is wilfully changed and transformed, being of its own will precipitated and corrupted from its heavenly clearness? Shall compassion then be put away, by no means. Be griefs then sometimes loved. But beware of uncleanness, O my soul, under the guardianship of my God, the God of our fathers, who is to be praised and exalted above all for ever, beware of uncleanness.

这种同情心发源于友谊的清泉。但它将往何处？流向哪里呢？为何流入沸腾油腻的瀑布中，倾泻到浩荡烁热的情欲深渊中去，并且自觉自愿地离弃了天上的澄明而与此同流合污？那末是否应该屏弃同情心呢？不，有时应该爱悲痛。但是，我的灵魂啊！你该防止淫秽，在我的天主、我们祖先的天主、永受赞美歌颂的天主保护之下，你要防止淫秽的罪。

For I have not now ceased to pity; but then in the theatres I rejoiced with lovers when they wickedly enjoyed one another, although this was imaginary only in the play. And when they lost one another, as if very compassionate, I sorrowed with them, yet had my delight in both. But now I much more pity him that rejoiceth in his wickedness, than him who is thought to suffer hardship, by missing some pernicious pleasure, and the loss of some miserable felicity. This certainly is the truer mercy, but in it grief delights not. For though he that grieves for the miserable, be commended for his office of charity; yet had he, who is genuinely compassionate, rather there were nothing for him to grieve for. For if good will be ill willed (which can never be), then may he, who truly and sincerely commiserates, wish there might be some miserable, that he might commiserate. Some sorrow may then be allowed, none loved. For thus dost Thou, O Lord God, who lovest souls far more purely than we, and hast more incorruptibly pity on them, yet are wounded with no sorrowfulness. And who is sufficient for these things?

我现在并非消除了同情心，但当时我看到剧中一对恋人无耻地作乐，虽则不过是排演虚构的故事，我却和他们同感愉快；看到他们恋爱失败，我亦觉得凄惶欲绝，这种或悲或喜的情味为我都是一种乐趣。而现在我哀怜那些沉湎于欢场欲海的人，过于哀怜因丧失罪恶的快乐或不幸的幸福而惘然自失的人。这才是比较真实的同情，而这种同情心不是以悲痛为乐趣。怜悯不幸的人，是爱的责任，但如果一人怀抱真挚的同情，那必然是宁愿没有怜悯别人不幸的机会。假如有不怀好意的慈悲心肠，——当然这是不可能有的——便能有这样一个人：具有真正的同情心，而希望别人遭遇不幸，借以显示对这人的同情。有些悲伤果然是可以赞许的，但不应说是可以喜爱的。我的主，你热爱灵魂，但不像我们，你是以无限纯洁、无穷完美的真慈怜悯着世人的灵魂，你不受任何悲痛的侵袭。但哪一个人能如此呢？

But I, miserable, then loved to grieve, and sought out what to grieve at, when in another's and that feigned and personated misery, that acting best pleased me, and attracted me the most vehemently, which drew tears from me. What marvel that an unhappy sheep, straying from Thy flock, and impatient of Thy keeping, I became infected with a foul disease? And hence the love of griefs; not such as should sink deep into me; for I loved not to suffer, what I loved to look on; but such as upon hearing their fictions should lightly scratch the surface; upon which, as on envenomed nails, followed inflamed swelling, impostumes, and a putrefied sore.

但那时这可怜的我贪爱哀情的刺激，追求引致悲伤的机会；看到出于虚构的剧中人的不幸遭遇，扮演的角色越是使我痛哭流涕，越称我心意，也就越能吸引我。我这一头不幸的牲口，不耐烦你的看护，脱离了你的牧群，染上了可耻的、龌龊不堪的疥疠，这又何足为奇呢？我从此时起爱好痛苦，但又并不爱深入我内心的痛苦——因为我并不真正愿意身受所看的种种——而仅仅是爱好这种耳闻的、凭空结构的、犹如抓着我浮皮肤的痛苦，可是一如指甲抓碎皮肤时那样，这种爱好在我身上也引起了发炎、肿胀、化脓和可憎的臭腐。

My life being such, was it life, O my God?

这是我的生活。唉，我的天主，这可能称为生活吗？

↓ 往期内容链接 ↓

BookⅠ

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |颂扬BookⅠChapter（1）

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 呼吁 BookⅠChapter（2)

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 呼吁 BookⅠChapter（3）

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 讴歌 BookⅠChapter（4）

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 洁净心灵 BookⅠChapter (5)

【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 孩童获宠 BookⅠChapter（6）

【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 孩子的天真 BookⅠ Chapter（7）

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 牙牙学语 BookⅠ Chapter（8）