【课堂实录】美国老师把小学四年级的写作课上成了这样…

谢谢大家的投票。根据投票结果，让我非常惊讶的是，大家对英文写作的热情居然超过了自然拼读。

我曾在《惊讶！娃从美国小学带回来这样的母亲节礼物》（K年级）一文中，提到了美国教授对于儿童早期英文写作的六个阶段；

也曾在《如何让孩子参与写作？一定要听美国老师的这堂写作课》中展示了美国老师如何针对全班学生进行的写作教学；

在《为了“鸡娃”英语读写，上周我做了这么一件事》一文中，我提到了如何根据不同年龄（4岁和七岁）的孩子的特点，设计符合其自身发展水平的写作教学设计。

但是我发现，随着孩子年龄的增长，英文写作的要求也越来越高。老师曾在家长会上对我说，孩子的写作还有提升的空间，要“Add more details”.  在孩子二年级的写作练习册上，也会要求孩子多使用描述性词汇把写作变得更加丰满起来。

使用描述性词汇来增加细节感，是我娃在二年级写作课的要求。要求学生通过描写所看，所听，所闻，所感，所尝五种感官，来刻画细节，使读者读后有身临其境的体验。

下面的课堂实录，是美国老师针对小学四年级的写作课，课程主题也是增加细节：作者可以使用哪些写作技巧来增加细节，从而把他想要表达的感受、情感传递给读者？

T: Writers, all year along, we've been paying to details writers choose, right? As readers, we paid attention to these details we follow them throughout a text in order to kind of understand the bigger idea or the message the writers trying to convey to us, Okay?

So if we know the details send us a message, then as writers we need to be really intentional with the details we choose to include to make sure that we're sending the message across that we intend to our readers.

So remember back to Wednesday, we spent some time exploring how Jane Yolen and Owl Moon and Karen Hesse and come on Rain included intentional details in this case about the setting. 

And we noticed that because of the details that they included it made us feel  a certain way. We kind of sensed a mood throughout the story.

（老师利用上面两本绘本，向学生展示了：作者怎么通过场景的描写，来向读者展示其情绪、情感、意图等？）

So we also know that there's other ways writers elaborate. They use dialogues, they show internal thinking, action. 

So today I'm going to show you one way writers consider which types of details we'll use to send that's very specific message to their reader.

Okay, so watch me as I first read a little bit the story I'm working on and I'm gonna ask what do I want my reader to be thinking or feeling at this point. 

And then I'm gonna think okay if I want my reader to be thinking or feeling that way, how can I show that to my reader? And that's what I'm going to try out some of these elaboration techniques.

And then once I try some out then I'm the writer, I'm the decision-maker, then I can either choose one and go with it or I might just choose to keep all four and then come back to it when I like dropped out that story, okay?

So you get my writers notebook up in here. You remember the story I was sharing about my first day in high school when I was coming out to the buses and I bumped my head? Right. Okay.

So I thought we'd try that out with this story. so remember the first part of my story I'm coming out of the high school and I'm really concerned with what like all the cool kids are doing. Right? And I'm totally ignoring my best friend because she is not really cool and I want to be part of the cool crowd. 

So I have to think at that point, I have to first think what do I want my reader to be thinking or feeling at that point okay. So at that point, I really want my reader to be thinking that I am being really rude to my best friend Michelle. Okay, that's probably what my reader to be thinking and being really rude.

All right, so now I have to ask how can I show that? So I have to maybe try out some of these things. So this is what I'm thinking if I were to add dialogue like what I might be saying in that moment to show that I'm not ignoring my best friend Michelle. Maybe it would sound something like this:

By using dialogue in that part, I think that'll show my reader that I was being really rude to my friend Michelle.

She asked me a question and I completely ignored her question and ignored what she was saying and went on about all these popular kids. 

Okay, so that's dialogue. Let's try internal thinking. So what might I have been thinking in that moment just show what I was ignoring Michelle.

So it might sound like this:

So did you see by showing everything I was thinking on my mind, it kinds of shows that I'm paying no mind to Michelle. I don't care about what she's doing. I'm completely ignoring her. All right.  let's try two more parts.  

Action and setting. So actions to show that I'm ignoring my friend.  so maybe this is what I'd be doing.

All right and now setting.  So kind of including details about the setting,  the kind of roads represent this sort of mood.  so it might sound something like this:

All right so I've tried out all these different ways of kind of putting in details because I want my reader to get that kind of sense on ignoring my friend Michelle.  so now I have a decision to make as a writer.  

I might at this point choose one of these ways or I might just keep all of them and continue on with my story and come back and decide which one fits best. 

Okay,  all right.  so did you see how I did that?

okay so I thought about what I want my reader to be thinking or feeling at a certain point of my story and then I asked myself how can I show that to my reader and I tried out elaboration techniques and then lastly as the decision-maker as the writer,  I'll have to eventually choose which one I think gets my message across the most clearly.

Alright so you're gonna give this to go and you're gonna help me with another part of my story.

All right?  you ready?  Okay.

So remember the part of my story towards the end where I bumped my head on the bus mirror and then I fell to the ground?

so at that part what I'm thinking or what might I want my reader to be thinking or feeling is that:

 Wow I want them to kind of get the sense that I'm really really embarrassed and I'm really worried that everyone's staring at me and I'm wondering like what are they gonna think.

Okay?  so at this point I want you to think how can I show that? how could I show that to my reader? so right now with your partner,  you're going to turn and talk and think what might I say or think in that moment to show how embarrassed I was. Okay? Turn and talk.

学生两人小组讨论 。

T: All right now let's hear from two partner pairs.  why don't we start with dialogue?

Joelle,  who's your partner?

S: …because you could say in my head I said oh my god because he could be very embarassed.

T: okay all right.  now with your partner,  will you turn and talk and think about how in that same moment I can show how embarrassed I was and I was worried everyone was staring at me how let you show that with my actions or through describing some of this setting?  Okay? Turn and talk.

学生两人小组讨论。

okay all right, who would like to share some actions what I might be doing to show how embarrased I was?

Noami, who was your partner?

S: …

T: all right. She's just describing actions.  All right, does someone try out setting? Bianca? Where was your partner?  sorry okay?

S: ….

T: okay the embarrassment hurts more. All right.

so today writers, thank you for helping me think about this. so then we know step three then,  I'm the writer so you have given me some great suggestions, so I'm gonna think on those and I'll probably jot all of them down and and then figure out which one fits best with my message.

okay so this is one way writers consider the type of details they want to include.  Right? they think what do I want my reader to be thinking or feeling and how can I show that and then they can try out some different elaboration techniques and then choose one or jot down all four and then come back and decide later based upon that message you want to send.  so today in every day if we know that details send a message then as writers we know we need to be very intentional with the details we choose to include to make sure we send the message that we intended.

 美国老师在课堂上强调的针对细节的四个写作技巧：

写作者可以从这四方面入手，进行细节地刻画，从而把作者的情感、意图更好地传递给读者。