William的写作
公开课与写作批改
—写作的奥秘—
今天我们给大家展示写作课其中一位拥有十年以上雅思写作教学经验的William李老师。

他热爱读书，尤其是原版书。长年累月的积累，使得他能不断给大家带来好的写作课。真可谓“问渠哪得清如许，为有源头活水来”。
他曾经在课上讲过自己的学习经历。李老师曾说自己年轻时候在深圳提早到公司学习，他的学习经验更贴合普罗大众，尤其是非英专的我们借鉴。任何一位写作大神都是从菜鸟不断升级打怪上来，以下赠送大家一份价值千元的书单。
很多人都想要保持雅思7分以上，甚至8分的写作实力，不妨按照以下书单进行学习。
—芳菲夏日，与写作同行—
William
雅思8分且阅读9分（满分）
写作精品课最受欢迎老师之一
某985高校国家重点实验室英语论文特约润色老师

负责某外企英文合同拟定、审核工作
多年出国留学类考试多年教学经验
熟悉西方主流英文写作教材
公开课视频回放，请点击链接进行观看
以下展示往期其中一位学员的作文批改，原文是直接用word文档查看批注，为了让大家观看方便，公众号在排版方面作了调整。
我们写作课内的批改，不仅采用文字批注，还有一份语音批改。今天给大家放一段语音批改。
[1] The Covid-19 virus wreaks havoc on the world, inflicting pain on all people, regardless of their ages and races. However, according to statistics, the pandemic did not slow down criminals. If anything, it only gave rise to more violence. In America, 2020 was a high-water mark for gun-related crimes – more people were shot dead than at any time since the 1990s. Some suggest that increasing police officer patrol is one solution to tackling crime. I believe that it is too narrow an approach, and unless the culprits of crimes are eliminated, violence would not stop.
批注：
1. Regardless of their ages and races没有修饰对象，增补非谓语，引出people。
2. if anything前面断句，否则是流水句。
3.对…效果有限，说too narrow an approach to sth.，原词组不自然，在语料库中都搜不到。
删除：, if, a limitedly effective way
[2]Of course, street patrol is necessary, for it can serve as deterrence to the potential lawbreakers. But it is not effective enough. It is humanly impossible to cover every area 24/7. Its advocates might argue that problems can be solved if we add more shifts and designate more human power to the hot spots. In reality, there are always patterns in police’s actions, of which perpetrators can take advantage. They will spy on the time and the locations of police officers’ patrolling routes and make an elaborate plan to carefully avoid them. Therefore, patrolling is not that powerful a way to curb crime.
批注：
1. 让步词、断句都会让句子间的逻辑更清晰。
删除：street, but,
[3] A major contributor to crimes is poverty, which is escalated by the pandemic.  In fact, people from the middle and lower classes are more susceptible to poverty, be they shop keepers, construction workers, or corporate employees. When mired in poverty, they become desperate. To them, no outcome can be worse than seeing their sick elders untreated or children unfed, so they might resort to illicit means, such as robbing stores, to procure the resources they need for survival. In this case, to prevent crime, we must raise the public’s living standard. It is a task easier said than done.（问题）
批注：
1. 第一句的表语很费解，改成poverty更直白。
2. 第二句随第一句改动，注意第二句原句no matter用法错误，no matter后面要用疑问词（what/where/how/when/who）构成让步从句。不管是谁，可以用whether they (should) be businessmen, workers, or employees，其中should常省略，也可以更简洁写成be they businessmen, workers, or employees.
3. 最后一句评价方案，但不说，因为这一段已经够长了，具体方案留到后一段。
[4] But we do have some measures.（方法）There is a proverb in China that goes “Insufficiency is better than inequality.” Even though many countries have seen economic growth, most of the wealth is still in the hands of the affluent, which only makes up a small proportion of the whole population. In contrast, the overall quality of the poor’s lives has not been improved substantially. If we could reduce the rich-poor disparity through wealth redistribution and better the lives of the vulnerable group, there would be fewer law-breaking activities.
批注：
1. 段首承接上一段最后一句。
删除：
are,have,less


[4] Another reason for the spread of crime is the lack of legal awareness in the public. Compulsory education is implemented in many countries now, but legal education might not be emphasized enough. When one does not possess sufficient legal knowledge, he might break the law without knowing it or do not attach much importance to it. For instance, news is reported that in a village where most people are less-educated, the villagers prefer to use violence to acquire what they desire. Since most of the victims are not clear about how to defend themselves and obtain justice, the villains go unpunished. Naturally, these wrongdoers have no respect for law and continue to commit crimes.
1. 这里也是一样的道理，分段。
[5] One way to stem the wave of this type of crime is to equip people with law, making it clear to them what is not permitted. China’s anti-drug campaign is an extremely successful example. It is carried out in all regions, targeted at all ages to make sure people are clear about the use of drug’s horrifying influences on themselves and their families. The same is true of all illegal activities. Hence, we should endeavor to disseminate legal knowledge and raise the public’s awareness about the law.
批注：
1. this type of crime呼应上一段的那种“公众无知和纵容导致的犯罪滋生”。
2. 注意不要随意更换人称，保持第三人称写完全篇。
删除：we, its, ourselves and our family
[6] In summary, police street patrols are not an efficient way to crack down on crimes. To cure the symptoms but not the disease itself is not enough, so we must improve people’s well-being and educate them about the law so that the society can truly be harmonious.
如果对我们写作课有兴趣的同学,还可以点击以下链接进行详细了解
招生· 5.29第十五期写作优质课来袭
招生· 5.29第十五期写作优质课来袭

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