崔娃最新吐槽：川普就是一个回避问题大师，就剩下假装自己不会说英语了……（附视频&演讲稿）

崔娃在最新一期节目中，说到CDC最新研究表明新冠病毒可以通过鞋底传播；韩国疫情二次爆发；因为疫情严重影响了经济，所以川普急于在5月1日前重开美国；记者质问特朗普2月份的抗疫工作，川普答不出来；在抗疫的时候，把责任推给各州州长，让州长自己找呼吸机和防护用品，到了要重开经济的时候，又说自己是国王，有绝对权威。

崔娃辣评，川普着急复工有危险，病毒可能会像教堂歌手，你根本不知道什么时候才唱完。特朗普的记者会依旧闹剧现场，崔娃还说川普就是一个逃避问题大师，下一步只差假装不会说英语了……

Because of how new it is, scientists are still learning new things about the coronavirus-- how you can catch it, how you can spread it, how you can hurt its feelings by saying it's just like the flu. 

That one hits here. And now a new CDC study says that coronavirus could be spreading on the bottom of our shoes. Except, of course, for Crocs. Even coronavirus doesn't want to touch those. But, yeah, this is real. They say coronavirus could be spreading on the bottom of our shoes. 

So as a precaution, I would recommend that everyone keep their shoes as clean as possible. I'm talking black teenager levels. That's how clean your sneakers should be. Meanwhile, while some countries around the world have managed to get coronavirus under control, others who took too long to act are now struggling. 

Russia is one of those countries. And they're now dealing with a sudden surge of new cases. In fact, it's gotten so bad that president Vladimir Putin has openly admitted, openly admitted that, "We have a lot of problems, and we don't have much to brag about." And in my opinion, this is the biggest reason we need to defeat coronavirus, because not only is it killing people and destroying economies. It's even making Vladimir Putin insecure. 

Hell, he's even started covering up when he rides his horse. It's just not the same. Now, while Russia is dealing with its first outbreak, South Korea might be dealing with part two. Authorities in that country are now saying that coronavirus has reactivated in more than 100 patients who had already tested negative for the virus. And I'm sorry, guys, but this is bullshit. 

They thought coronavirus was gone out of the people, and now it's coming back? How are you gonna do that, Corona? Huh? How are you gonna come back for the sequel before the first movie is even over? 

This would be like Thanos popping up during the first Iron Man, just like, "Hey, it's me!" "No, no. Don't you snap those fingers! "Don't you snap those fingers! "We still have to meet all the other Avengers before you. "We got to meet, like, Black Panther and-and Thor. "

And I-I think there's, like, a... like a-a bee? "Is it a bee or a termite, or the bow-and-arrow guy? "He's, like, a fan, and he gets to tag along. We're gonna meet a lot of people." But you see, this is where the coronavirus messed up, because if corona is trying to start up again, that means we already know its moves. 

Yeah. So this time, we're gonna protect Tom Hanks. This time, we're gonna get the extra ventilators that we need. And this time, I'm gonna kidnap my barber before we get locked down so that I don't look like I've been lost at sea for two years. Look at me! Look at me! All right, that's it for the headlines. 

Let's get into our big story. From the moment coronavirus started to affect the United States, you could tell that President Trump was deeply concerned that this pandemic would hurt his ability to brag about the economy. And that's why, from the first day the country was shut down, Trump has been asking one question-- "When can we open this mother**** back up?" 

CHUCK TODD: With nearly 17 million Americans filing new unemployment claims in the last three weeks, the president is eager to open the country again for business by May 1. I call it the "opening our country task force," or "opening our country council." I'm gonna have to make a decision, and I only hope to God that it's the right decision. But I would say, without question, it's the biggest decision I've ever had to make. 

Yes, the biggest decision Trump has ever had to make. Even bigger than when he had to decide whether to abort Eric or let him finish high school. Now, the president isn't wrong. Figuring out when to open the country is an extremely complicated decision, all right? For one, experts have warned that if the country is opened too soon, we could experience a second wave of coronavirus by July or even August. Because corona might seem like it's finished, but if we're not careful, all of a sudden, it can come back even stronger, you know? Think of coronavirus like... like that one singer in a black church. 

♪ Was blind ♪ ♪ But now I see. ♪ -Thank you so... -♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. ♪ -Thank you. -♪ I see. ♪ ♪ I see. ♪ 

And here's another thing. Medical experts have also warned that without sufficient testing, it's hard to send everyone back into the world, because you'll have no way to know who has the virus and who's already immune. And let's be honest. 

Right now, America is still worse at testing than Aunt Becky's kids. Okay, now, one solution that is being looked at by some countries is what's being called "an immunity passport," which would allow people who have already survived coronavirus to move around freely. And that's a pretty decent idea. 

But the only concern is that if people who've had corona can move around freely, then some people might want to get the virus intentionally so that they can also move around freely, all right? And it makes sense. It's the same way everyone rushes to lose their virginity at prom so that they get to hang out with the cool kids at college. So there are a lot of things to consider here. 

And President Trump-- he says that he's gonna base his decision to reopen the economy on "a lot of facts and a lot of instincts, also." This is the same guy whose instincts told him to look directly into the sun during an eclipse. "For all we know, it might give you superpowers. "No one else has done it. Have you ever asked why?" Now on coronavirus specifically, Trump's instincts have been wrong from the start. In fact, yesterday, at his daily presser, Trump was asked what he did to prepare for corona during the month of February. And he very angrily couldn't come up with an answer. 

PAULA REID: The argument is that you bought yourself some time. You didn't use it to prepare hospitals. You didn't use it to ramp up testing. You're so... you're so... Right now, nearly 20 million people are unemployed. You're so disgraceful. It's so disgraceful -the way you say that. -Tens of thousands of Americans are dead. Let me just... Listen, I just went over it. 

How-- this is so real-- or this rant supposed to make people feel confident... -I just went over it. -...in an unprecedented crisis? Nobody thought we should do it, and when I did it... But what did you do with the time that you bought? 

-You know what we did? 

-In the month of February? 

-That video has a gap. -You know what we did? 

-The entire month of February. 

-What do you do...? What do you do when you have no case in the whole United States? 

-You had cases in February. 

-When you-you... Excuse me. You reported it. Zero cases, zero deaths on January 17. January. February. The entire month of February. January. I said in January. 

-Your video has a complete gap. 

-On January 30... What did your administration do in February with the time that your travel ban bought you? 

-A lot. A lot. 

-What? And, in fact, we'll give you a list, what we did. In fact, part of it was up here. 

-It wasn't in there. There are gaps. 

-We did a lot. Look, look, you know you're a fake. You know that. Your whole network, the way you cover it, is fake. And most of you... And not all of you, but the people are wise to you. That's why you have a lower... a lower approval rating than you've ever had before times, probably, three. Okay that-- that was a master class in dodging the question. 

Trump pulled every single trick in the book. He said he'll give the proof later. He then tried to change the topic. And then he even called the reporter a fake. Like, I feel like he was two seconds away from just pretending that he doesn't speak English. Sorry, folks, no habla inglés. 

So few hablas. Zero hablas. Luckily, the truth is that America doesn't really need to rely on the president's instincts here. Governors are the ones who lock down their states, and governors are the ones who will decide when to open the states back up. In fact, yesterday, governors on both the East Coast and the West Coast formed multi-state pacts to decide together when to open the economy up. 

And this is actually a brilliant idea in the absence of leadership from the White House. This is truly a brilliant idea. I mean, in fact, when I think about it, all the states should just join up. Yeah, think about it. All the states should join up, and they should work in unison, with each other, you know? Like, like, they could call it the... the Together States in America. Goddamn, that's brilliant. I got to write that down. 

Now, when Trump heard that the states were gonna be deciding on whether or not to reopen their economies, regardless of his decision, he was quick to remind people that his business cards might say "President," but y'all better treat him like the king. 

NEWSMAN: At the White House, President Trump made the stunning claim that only he has the power to reopen the country, not individual state governors. The President of the United States has the authority to do what the president... has the authority to do, which is very powerful. The President of the United States calls the shots. They can't do anything without the approval of the President of the United States. 

Well, you say my authority. The president's authority. Not mine. Because it's not me. This is... when somebody's the President of the United States, the authority is total. And that's the way it's got to be.

  REPORTER: Your authority's total? Total. It's total. What provision in the Constitution gives the president the power to open or close state economies? 

-And then... 

-Numerous provisions. We'll give you a legal brief if you want. Okay, uh, just so we're on the same page, Trump has now promised us a list of all the preparations he took in February, and an explanation of why he has total power as the president. And I'm assuming he'll deliver all of those pieces of paper when he sends over his tax returns and his high school report on To Kill a Mockingbird. 

Yeah. At this point, Trump has more pages to release than George R. R. Martin. Where's the final book, George! You've been stuck at home with nothing else to do. No more excuses, George. I'm gonna come and find you... and ask you this question in person. 

This is not a threat. And, you know, it's crazy how throughout this crisis Trump has been pushing responsibility onto the governors at every opportunity. Every opportunity, that's what he's been doing. "Find your own ventilators." "Negotiate for your own PPE." "You tell citizens to stay at home-- that's not my job." 

But now... now that it's getting close to that time when America might be reopening the economy, all of a sudden he's like: Me. Me. I get to push the button. That's me. I get to do it. But the truth is, Donald, if you're not there for the battle, you don't get to lead the victory parade. Well, that's our show for today. Before we go, though, if you are able to help people who are going hungry in this country because of the pandemic, please consider donating to Feeding America. 

They're supplying food to millions of people in America. You've probably seen the pictures of the cars lining up online. They're feeding these people every day, and they could really use your help. Even a dollar can help somebody get a meal. Anyway, stay safe out there, wash your hands, and remember, the only thing you really need to stock up on is love. And canned tuna. And probably toilet paper. And, like, water and things and...