当你祷告求一个奇迹却得不到的时候，你怎么办？

Bill牧师离开我们整整一年了，找出当时他的女儿克里斯蒂写的文章，现在读起来仍然泪流满面......

作者：克里斯蒂·派瑞

翻译：Michelle Chen

机器在哔哔叫，数字在上下跳。我的爸爸静静的躺在重症加护外科里。他在开车回家的路上突遇暴雨。我爸爸在雨中曾驾驶过千百次。他开过成千上万的里程。他甚至开过这条路数十次，但是这一次不同。

汽车滑出路面把他甩向一颗树。但是撞到的不是汽车的后部。不是汽车的前部。不是副驾驶座的那侧。撞到的正好是他的那侧，确切地说，恰恰是他坐的位置。

我们接到电话，等待进一步的消息，跳上车开了7个小时去同他在一起。整个一路上都在祷告。

妈妈祷告了。大卫祷告了。布莱恩祷告了。瑞秋祷告了。琳达祷告了。我祷告了。史黛芬尼祷告了。杰西卡祷告了，以及成百上千的人们都祷告了。我们祷告了7天。我们祷告求治愈。我祷告我的爸爸会走出那间医院的病房。我知道上帝能。但是我不知道上帝会不会这么做。

我曾经目睹上帝把一个甜美的婴孩从死亡的魔掌中救出。我曾经看到人们得释放。我看过婚姻得破镜重圆。我知道有人得癌症被治愈，但是我的爸爸呢？他再也没能从那张病床上起来。

我仍然不能消化这一切。我仍然感到我正走在别人的道路上。我说我感觉到但是其实并没有，我的情绪仿佛被完全关闭了。

我祷告了。当我在打包行李准备开车去看爸爸的时候，我就一直在说："耶稣，耶稣，耶稣"，如同呼吸。

我了解这个名字。奉耶稣的名，我得救赎。奉耶稣的名，水便分开，瞎子得以看见，死人复活，但是我的爸爸呢？他死了。

如果有人来到我的面前说："你的信心不够"。我很可能会一拳打到他们的脸上。

我信了，但是我的奇迹并没有来到。

我哭了，我的奇迹没有来。我求了，我的奇迹还是没有。

我的爸爸走了。他和我所哭求和祷告的耶稣在一起。

那么我现在怎么办？

我相信。我接受。而且我赞美。

我相信我的上帝，他说："我的意念非同你们的意念，我的道路非同你们的道路。" 以赛亚书55章8-9节

我相信我的上帝"知道他为我所定的计划，是使我得平安，而不是遭受灾祸的计划。" 耶利米书29章11节

我相信我的上帝 "以永远的爱爱我（和我的家人）。" 耶利米书31章3节

我相信我的上帝会"使万事都互相效力，叫爱上帝的人得益处，就是按他旨意被召的人。" 罗马书8章28节

我相信我的上帝 "本为善，所行的也善。他未尝留下一样好处不给那些行动正直的人。" 诗篇119章68节及诗篇84章11节

我接受所发生的事是为着我的益处，为着我家人的益处，以及为着推进福音。我接受，正如安·福斯坎 (Ann Voskamp) 所说的，我和我家人正背负的这个十字架是上帝最恩慈的决定。

我赞美我的上帝因为他所知比我更多。他替我尝过死亡的苦味，使我得着永恒的生命；他配得我的生命。我赞美他拣选我并允许我成为他的仆人。

所以尽管这粒药如此难以下咽，尽管这不是我想走的路，尽管我用力祷告的奇迹终归没有发生，我选择把这一切交托在我天上的父的手中。而且，我选择相信。我选择接受。我选择赞美。我别无选择。

"我已经决定追随耶稣不回转不回转"

英文原文：

What do you do when you pray for a miracle and it doesn't come?

The machines were beeping and the numbers were

jumping. My Dad lay still in SICU.

He was on his way home when a rain storm rolled in on his drive home. My Dad has driven a thousand times in the rain. Hes driven thousands of miles. He's even driven this route a dozen or more times, but this time was different.

The car hydroplaned and he slammed into a tree. But it wasnt the back of the car. It wasnt the front of the car. It wasnt the passenger side of the car. It was his side of the car, more specifically, exactly where he was sitting.

We got the call, waited for more information, jumped in the car and drove 7 hours to be with him. Praying the whole way.

Mom prayed. David prayed. Brian prayed. Rachel prayed. Linda prayed. I prayed. Stephanie prayed.

Jessica prayed and hundreds of people prayed. We

prayed for 7 days. We prayed for healing. I prayed my Dad would walk out of that hospital room. I KNEW God could. But I didnt know if He would.

Id seen God deliver a sweet baby from the gripping

hand of death. I had seen people get set free. I had seen marriages restored. I know of people getting healed of cancer, but my Dad? He never got out of that bed.

I still cant process it all. I still feel like Im walking

someone elses road. I say I feel but I havent really, my emotions seem to be shut off.

I prayed. As I was packing my bag before we got in the car to see my Dad, I just kept saying, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus" it was my breath.

I know that name. In that name I have been saved and in that name waters have been parted, people have been given their sight, people have been raised from the dead, but my Dad? He died.

If someone were to come up to me and say, "You didnt have enough faith" I would probably punch them in the face.

I believed, but my miracle didnt come.

I cried and my miracle didnt come. I begged and my miracle didnt come.

My Dad is gone. Hes with the Jesus I cried, prayed an begged to.

So what do I do now?

I believe. I accept. And I praise.

I believe in my God who says, "My ways are not your

ways". Isaiah 55:8-9

I believe that my God "knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper me (and my family) and NOT to harm me" Jeremiah 29:11

I believe that my God "Has loved me (and my family)

with an everlasting love" Jeremiah 31:3

I believe my God will "work ALL things together for

good to those who love Him and are called according

to His purposes" Romans 8:28

I believe that my God "Is good and does good and

NO GOOD thing will He uphold from those who walk uprightly" Psalm 119:68 & Psalm 84:11

I accept that what has happened will be for my good and my families good and for the furtherance of the

gospel. And I accept as Ann Voskamp says that this

cross my family and I are carrying is Gods kindest

decision.

I praise my God because He knows better than I. He

who tasted the bitter taste of death on my behalf to give me eternal life is worthy of my life. I praise Him for

choosing me and allowing me to be his servant.

So although this pill is such a hard one to swallow. This is not the road I want to be on. This is not where I want to be. The miracle I prayed so hard for and didnt

receive, I choose to leave it in my Heavenly Fathers

hands. And, I choose to believe. I choose to accept and I choose to praise. I have no other option.

"I have decided to follow Jesus no turning back no

turning back"

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