忏悔录 Confessions | BookⅢ Chapter1 觉性的烦恼

BookⅢ Chapter1

觉性的烦恼

To Carthage I came, where there sang all around me in my ears a cauldron of unholy loves. I loved not yet, yet I loved to love, and out of a deep-seated want, I hated myself for wanting not. I sought what I might love, in love with loving, and safety I hated, and a way without snares. For within me was a famine of that inward food, Thyself, my God; yet, through that famine I was not hungered; but was without all longing for incorruptible sustenance, not because filled there with, but the more empty, the more I loathed it. For this cause my soul was sickly and full of sores, it miserably cast itself forth, desiring to be scraped by the touch of objects of sense. Yet if these had not a soul, they would not be objects of love.

我来到了迦太基，我周围沸腾着、振响着罪恶恋爱的鼎镬。我还没有爱上什么，但渴望爱，并且由于内心的渴望，我更恨自己渴望得还不够。我追求恋爱的对象，只想恋爱；我恨生活的平凡，恨没有陷阱的道路；我心灵因为缺乏滋养的粮食，缺乏你、我的天主而饥渴，但我并不感觉这种饥渴，并不企求不朽的粮食，当然并非我已饱饫这种粮食；相反，我越缺乏这粮食，对此越感到无味。这正是我的心灵患着病，满身创伤，向外流注，可怜地渴求物质的刺激，但物质如果没有灵魂，人们也不会爱的。

To love then, and to be beloved, was sweet to me; but more, when I obtained to enjoy the person I loved, I defiled, therefore, the spring of friendship with the filth of concupiscence, and I be clouded its brightness with the hell of lustfulness; and thus foul and unseemly, I would fain, through exceeding vanity, be fine and courtly. I fell head long then into the love wherein I longed to be ensnared. My God, my Mercy, with how much gall didst Thou out of Thy great goodness be sprinkle for me that sweetness? For I was both beloved, and secretly arrived at the bond of enjoying; and was with joy fettered with sorrow-bringing bonds, that I might be scourged with the iron burning rods of jealousy, and suspicions, and fears, and angers, and quarrels.

爱与被爱，如果进一步能享受所爱者的肉体，那为我更是甜蜜了。我把肉欲的垢秽沾污了友谊的清泉，把肉情的阴霾掩盖了友谊的光辉；我虽如此丑陋，放荡，但由于满腹蕴藏着浮华的意念，还竭力装点出温文尔雅的态度。我冲向爱，甘愿成为爱的俘虏。我的天主、我的慈爱，你的慈祥在我所认为甜蜜的滋味中撒上了多少苦胆。我得到了爱，我神秘地带上了享受的桎梏，高兴地戴上了苦难的枷锁，为了担受猜忌、怀疑、忧惧、愤恨、争吵等烧红的铁鞭的鞭打。

↓ 往期内容链接 ↓

BookⅠ

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions |颂扬BookⅠChapter（1）

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 呼吁 BookⅠChapter（2)

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 呼吁 BookⅠChapter（3）

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 讴歌 BookⅠChapter（4）

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 洁净心灵 BookⅠChapter (5)

【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 孩童获宠 BookⅠChapter（6）

【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 孩子的天真 BookⅠ Chapter（7）

【有声】忏悔录 Confessions | 牙牙学语 BookⅠ Chapter（8）

【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 威胁挨打 BookⅠChapter（9）

【有声】
忏悔录 Confessions | 学生的苦楚
BookⅠ
Chapter（10）