忏悔录 Confessions | BookⅡ Chapter7 狼狈为奸的乐趣

BookⅡ Chapter7

狼狈为奸的乐趣

What fruit had I then (wretched man!) in those things, of the resemblance where of I am now ashamed? Especially, in that theft which I loved for the theft's sake; and it too was nothing, and therefore the more miserable I, who loved it. Yet alone I had not done it, such was I then, I remember, alone I had never done it. I loved then in it also the company of the accomplices, with whom I did it? I did not then love nothing else but the theft, yea rather I did love nothing else; for that circumstance of the company was also nothing.

这个不堪的我，从那些现在想起还使我面红耳赤的事件，特别从这次因爱偷窃而干的偷窃，得到什么果实呢？什么也得不到，因为偷窃本身就是虚无；这不过更显出我的可怜。但假如我是单独一人，我便不会如此——据我回忆，我当时的心情是如此——我单独一人，决不会干这勾当。可见我还欢喜伙伴们的狼狈为奸，因此说我只爱偷窃不爱其他，是不正确的，但也能说是正确的，因为狼狈为奸也不过是虚无。

What is, in truth? Who can teach me, save He that enlighteneth my heart, and discovereth its dark corners? What is it which hath come into my mind to enquire, and discuss, and consider? For had I then loved the pears I stole, and wished to enjoy them, I might have done it alone, had the bare commission of the theft sufficed to attain my pleasure; nor needed I have inflamed the itching of my desires by the excitement of accomplices. But since my pleasure was not in those pears, it was in the offence itself, which the company of fellow-sinners occasioned.

但究竟如何呢？除了驱除阴霾、照耀我心的天主外，谁能指点我？谁促使我追究、分析、思考？假如我欢喜所偷的果子，想享受这些果子，那末为满足我的欲望，我单独也能干这勾当，不需要同谋者的相互激励，燃起我的贪心，使我心痒难忍。但由于我的喜爱不在那些果子，因此是在乎罪恶本身，在乎多人合作的犯罪行为。

What then was this feeling? For of a truth it was too foul: and woe was me, who had it. But yet what was it? Who can understand his errors?

这是什么心情呢？当然龌龊不堪，怀着这种心情的人真是可耻。但究竟是怎样的呢？“谁能了解罪恶？”[13]

It was the sport, which as it were tickled our hearts, that we beguiled those who little thought what we were doing, and much disliked it. Why then was my delight of such sort that I did it not alone? Because none doth ordinarily laugh alone，ordinarily no one; yet laughter sometimes masters men alone and singly when on one whatever is with them, if anything very ludicrous presents itself to their senses or mind. Yet I had not done this alone; alone I had never never done it.

想到我们能欺骗那些绝对料不到我们有此行径而且竭力反对我们如此做的人们，我的心好像忍俊不禁了。但为何我单独干不会如此兴高采烈呢？是否一个人不容易发笑？的确一个人不容易笑；但即使是独自一人，没有其他人在侧，看到或想到太可笑的事情，也会破颜而笑的。可是如果我是单独一人，是不会做的，绝对不会做的。

Behold my God, before Thee, the vivid remembrance of my soul; alone, I had never committed that theft where in what I stole pleased me not, but that I stole; nor had it alone liked me to do it, nor had I done it. O friendship too unfriendly! Thou incomprehensible inveigler of the soul, thou greediness to do mischief out of mirth and wantonness, thou thirst of others' loss, without lust of my own gain or revenge: But when it is said, "Let's go, let's do it," we are ashamed not to be shameless.

我的天主，这是我的心灵在你面前活生生的回忆。我单独一人不会干这一次只为爱偷窃而不贪赃物的偷窃勾当。我独自一人绝对不会欢喜这行径，绝对不会干的。唉，害人不浅的友谊，不可思议的思想诱惑，从游戏玩笑，进而产生了为自己一无所得，而且不出于报复之心的损害他人的欲望：只消别人说：“走，干一下！”便惭愧自己有羞耻之心！

Who can disentangle that twisted and intricate knottiness? Foul is it: I hate to think on it, to look on it. But Thee I long for, O Righteousness and Innocency, beautiful and comely to all pure eyes, and of a satisfaction unsating. With Thee is rest entire, and life imperturbable. Who so enters into Thee, enters into the joy of his Lord: and shall not fear, and shall do excellently in the All-Excellent. I sank away from Thee, and I wandered, O my God, too much astray from Thee my stay, in these days of my youth, and I became to myself a barren land.

谁能揭穿其中曲折复杂的内幕？丑恶不堪，我不愿再去想它、看它了。我现在需要的是你，具有纯洁光辉的、使人乐而不厌的、美丽灿烂的正义与纯洁，在你左右才是无比的安宁与无忧无虑的生活。谁投入你的怀抱，“进入主的福乐”，[14]便不再忧虑，在至善之中享受圆满的生活。我的天主，我青年时曾远离了你，远离了你的扶持，深入歧途，我为我自己成为一个“饥馑的区域。”[15]

[13] 见《诗篇》18首13节。

[14] 见《马太福音》，25章21节。

[15] 见《路加福音》，15章14节。