你越像个女的，他才会越像个男的？丨夜听双语

2018.8.19 周日

女性

世界上这么多名言，干嘛非要选这一条。

宜

反思

漠视

忌

最近，一张图片在社交网站上激起了千层浪。

一名网友称下图中的这个标语出现在美国得克萨斯州一所中学的墙上。

可以从图片中很清楚的看到这是一个衣物间，储物柜顶上的墙上有两排黑色的字，写着：

The more you act like a lady, the more he’ll act like a gentleman.
你越像一个女人，他就越像一个男人。

乍一看这是一条无伤大雅的标语，说的是女孩子像女孩子，男孩子像男孩子。但仔细一看，就觉得怪怪的，说得好像是“女孩就要有女孩子样儿”，你要是做不到就别怪男孩儿不绅士。

接着看到图片下面的评论，果然，感觉不对的人不止我一个。

We have "Knowledge is Power" in Latin as a quote at my old high school up in NH. I don't even know why, out of all the quotes in the world, they'd choose that one. It isn't educational or motivational. It's almost intentional.

我原来在新罕布什尔读高中的时候，墙上的话是拉丁语的“知识就是力量”。我根本不知道，世界上这么多名言，他们干嘛选这一条。这句话既没有教育意义，也不激励人。这简直就是故意的。

A more literal interpretation: "Do as you're told, or you deserve everything he does to you."

通俗解释一下：“照我告诉你的去做，不然的话，不管他对你做什么你都得受着。”

It is almost saying: "Remember girls, don't ruin his life by letting him harass you!"

这简直就是在说：“姑娘们记住了，别让他骚扰你，不然你就毁了他啊！”

This. This is life in Texas for a young woman

这个。这个就是得克萨斯州年轻女性面对的现状。

Also, Utah, checking in.

犹他州报道。

And South Carolina as well.

南卡罗莱纳也一样。

And Ohio, believe it or not

不管你信不信，俄亥俄州也这样。

Same deal in Arizona.

亚利桑那+1。

看到这儿我有点意外，这么多州的人都这样吗？接着往下翻。

It is real, but the school has already been contacted and told that the quote was actually from a madame back in the day. And they are taking it down.

这是真事。但是已经有人联系这所学校了，告诉他们说这句话其实是来自很久以前的一位老鸨说的。然后学校就把标语拿下来了。

Of course, the sexism was totally cool but can't have a quote from a woman who profited off of men.

噢当然了。要不是因为这句话是一个靠男人获利的老鸨，性别歧视也可以大行其道是吧。

What they are really implying is not only VERY gender binary but also VERY submissive and assuming that if a male is acting poorly towards you it’s your own fault. The fact they removed it because of the “Madame” context even further proves their misogyny.

其实他们传递的意思不仅是非常的性别二元论，而且还强调女性要惟命是从。他们认为如果一个男的要是对你不好，终究是因为你的过错。另外，他们因为“这话是一个老鸨说的”这个原因移除了这个标语，更加印证了他们的厌女症。

看了评论之后再看这条标语，整个人都感觉不对劲了。

我不禁想起了另一个故事，主人公刚和丈夫结婚不久，就在社交媒体上发帖说自己的丈夫老是觉得她令人不满意，不够像个女人，以至于丈夫都声称不得不用对待男人的方式来对待她。

My husband and I have been married for 5 months and prior to getting married we had issues we thought we could get on top of but now I'm worried that we never might.

我和老公结婚已经5个月了，结婚之前我们就有蛮多问题，以为婚后就能解决，但是现在，我估计是解决不了了。

He's had an abusive past too where his father used to beat him up as a child over the pettiest of things. I believe it has left him scarred somehow though he pretends it's the past and that's that.

他小时候也被虐待过，他父亲就老是揪着一点儿小事儿就打他。虽然他老说都是过去的事儿了，就这样吧，但我觉得这事儿多多少少还是给他留下了阴影。

I'm now worried that we might be two very broken people trying to work together and it's not working. He has terrible anger issues, everything sets him off. It leads to really mean comments about me that deflate me.

我现在很担心，我俩这种人就算努力处，也很难处到一起。他真的是老发火，啥事儿都能点燃他的神经。一发火就跟我说难听的话，我听了就很泄气。

He never stops shouting at me when he gets into one of his moods and I find myself taking it until I can't. And instead of leaving him to it, I defend myself and he now claims I don't respect him as a man and he needs a submissive woman.

他只要一心情不好还老吼我，我忍了很久，最后我也忍不了，我没法就这么忍着，我会反抗。结果他现在说是我不尊重他这个男人，他说他需要一个顺从的女人。

What baffles me is that as the head of the family, he can be clueless. Never knows what's happening with our one year old. I keep appointments. I do all the necessary things.

我就搞不懂了，既然他是所谓的一家之主，为什么还啥都不懂？从来就不知道我俩一岁的女儿的近况。老是我在约医生，我在处理大小琐事。

Our daughter has food allergies and is teething and has skin problems but my husband doesn't even know what creams we use for her skin nor any idea on what to do when she has a fever or if I am down. So how is he head of the house if I do everything?

女儿对有些食物过敏，还在长牙，皮肤状况也不是很好，可是他根本就不知道女儿的皮肤病要用哪种软膏，也不知道小孩儿发烧他该做些啥，我要是不在他根本不知道要干什么。如果老是我忙得里里外外，他这算哪门子的一家之主？

Even still, I do respect him. I have no idea what he means by I am disrespectful and unsubmissive except that when he belittle me far enough I snap back. But what does he expect if he constantly goes in on me even when I say sorry about things, he speaks til he is satisfied.

就算是这样了，我还是很尊重他。我真的不懂他说我不尊重不顺从是什么意思，有时候他说那些贬低我的话，过分了，我会回一两句嘴，他是嫌我这个吗？他到底想要怎样？老是这么对我，有时候我都说了对不起了，他还是喋喋不休，直到他说得满意了。

I can cry begging him to stop and that will trigger him even more. To him, he says, my tears do nothing for him because in his eyes I'm a man too since I challenge him and I'm disrespectful to him. So he treats me like a man and doesn't care about my feelings.

我哭着求他别说了，结果反倒是火上浇油。他意思是，对他来说我的眼泪没有用，因为在他看来，我挑战了他，对他不敬，在他眼里我就是个男的，他会像对男人那样对我，压根不会考虑我的感受。

Every time we fight, I end up hospitalized due to stress. It feels like I am sick and when I go get checked, everything comes back normal but I get symptoms. I don't function very well coz he puts me down so much. I feel alone.

每次吵架之后我都会因为压力而住院。我感觉生病了，就去查，回来各项指标又都正常。但我的确还是有症状，反应也迟缓。他屡次对我这样。我很孤独。

But I love him so much. The thought of leaving him hurts more than staying and taking this from him.

我还是太爱他了。一想到离开他，心就更痛，然后就待着，忍着。

What I want to know is how can I be a more submissive woman for him? The new thing he does when I mess up is he ignores me until he wants to talk. So right now he told me he has a crush on my friend's sister. I told him I didn't know what that meant. He said he means he'd leave me for her.

我想知道，我要怎样做才能变成他想要的那种听话的女人？现在，我一旦惹他不高兴，他的新招就是，他只要不想说话就直接不理我。他刚刚跟我说他喜欢我朋友的妹妹。我说我不知道你这话什么意思。他说就是要抛弃我去找这个女人。

I said that hurt me coz I'm jealous and I feel bad about myself now. She is stunning. I ask him how he would feel if I said that about his friends? He says I'm making a big deal about a joke. I said I didn't know he was joking he didn't say it was a joke. He says I make everything an argument.

我说你这话太伤人了，我很难受。那个女生的确是条件很不错。我就问他，我要是对你说我喜欢你的朋友，你什么感觉。然后他却说我开不起玩笑。我说我又不知道你在开玩笑，你又没说。他就说我总是小事儿也要闹。

So I said sorry coz I know it will be a fight that I don't want. I thought it was a pretty straightforward thing but he is mad at me now and says it's best if we don't talk.

唉，我只能说对不起，不然又会吵一大架，我不想那样。我以为本来就是个可以很敞开说的事情，可是现在他生气了，说我俩最好别说话。

I don't know what to do. I said okay because I can't make him talk if he doesn't want to. And now we might spend days not talking over this. He will ignore me as long as it takes and meanwhile I'll be stressed and getting phantom illnesses.

我不知道怎么办。我说那行吧，你不说话，我也不能逼你。接下来几天这事儿都不能提。他不理我，多久他都做得到。而我呢，压力巨大，还患上了幻觉疾病。

What was I supposed to do? Laugh about his crush whether I knew it was a joke or not? I never know when I'm messing up so I always mess up. I don't know what to do.

我该怎么办？以后不管他这种玩笑是真是假，笑就是了是吗？他每次生气，我从来就不知道自己到底哪里没做好，然后，还是次次都惹到他。我是真的不知道该怎么办。

看完这个女孩儿的自述，我很难过，不是因为她处处没做好，没尽到一个妻子的责任，而是因为她遇到了这样一个人，这样一个丝毫不把她当作亲密伴侣来尊重的人。

在她这个帖子下面有人支招，说：

Not gonna lie, as soon as I read the first paragraph, I knew this was all bad. You need to break things off. Divorce him. End the marriage NOW. This dude is threatening to assault you and might actually do it. That's not good at all.

讲真，读到第一段的时候我就知道这事儿会糟心。你得先下手为强了。离婚，现在就离。这家伙都已经威胁要伤害你了，而且极有可能动真格。那样的话就糟透了。

Hey, this is textbook abusive behavior. Don't try to be more submissive. He's doing what his father probably did, starting trouble over petty things. If he hasn't hit you or your kid yet, it's only a matter of time.

喂，这简直就是教科书级别的虐待行为好吧。绝不要再顺从了。他可能就是在重蹈他父亲的覆辙，揪着一点小事儿就发火。他可能现在还没打你和小孩儿，但我估计那是迟早的事儿。

I know it's hard to leave someone you have a kid with. You say you love him, but does he love you? It sounds more like he wants someone to control more than someone to love. You're not messing up, he's causing problems just to make you feel guilty so he can use that guilt as leverage. I can't tell you when or how, but you need to leave him. You and your kid deserve better.

我知道有了小孩儿了再要离婚就很难了。你说你爱他，但是他爱你吗？听你这么说，他不是要个相爱的人，而是要个人给他来控制啊。你根本没做错什么，是他在找事儿，故意让你觉得愧疚，然后利用你的愧疚当成自己的砝码罢了。我没法指导你何时离，怎样离。但你必须得离。你和小孩儿都值得更好的对待。