A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth. 

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. 

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. 

The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school. 

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying. 

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?" 

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over." 

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA." 

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!" 

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the conservative side of the fence." 

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!


If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.

If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.


If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.

If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.


If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.

A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him..


If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.

Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.


If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.

A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and Jesus silenced.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it..

A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.


If a conservative reads this, he'll share it so his friends can have a good laugh.

A loberal
will 
delete 
it 
because 
he 
feels 
I 
am 
a 
"hater."
　　有位年轻的姑娘即将结束大一学业。就像其他同龄人一样，她自视为自由主义者，在各种自由派观点中，她尤为赞同征收重税，支持政府的各类福利计划，换言之，重新分配财富。
　　她曾公开声称，父亲是顽固不化的保守主义者，这一点让她蒙羞。根据自己听过的讲座以及与教授们的交谈，她认为父亲多年来，一直持有一种邪恶的、自私的念头，试图保有那些他认为属于自己的东西。
　　有一天，她试图说服父亲，证明向富人征收重税以及增设越来越多的政府福利计划的必要性。
　　在她看来，教授们声称的客观性一定是真理，所以她试图给父亲“启蒙”。父亲问她，一年来在校的成绩表现怎样？
　　姑娘吃了一惊，不过随后骄傲地说，自己的成绩平均积点（GPA）是4.0，并告诉父亲这一成绩殊为不易，她修了一门极难的课程，期间一直不断学习，使得自己没有闲暇出去逛街或是参加聚会。她甚至都没有时间谈男朋友呢，也没有多少大学好友，因为自己的时间全用在学习上了。
　　父亲仔细地倾听，并问道“你的朋友奥德丽表现怎样？”
　　她答复道，“奥德丽勉强及格。她选的课全是那种最简单的，从不学习，成绩平均绩点是2.0. 她在校园里很受欢迎；大学对她而言，就是寻欢作乐。她总是参加各种聚会，因为宿醉未醒的缘故，她甚至常常翘课。”
　　父亲问女儿，“你为什么不去教务长那里，把你的成绩平均绩点扣去1分，送给你那位只得了2.0的朋友。这样你们两人的成绩平均绩点都是3.0了，可以确定，成绩平均绩点重新分配后，变得公平和平等了。”
　　女儿显然被父亲的建议震惊了，顿时火冒三丈，“多么疯狂的主意，它怎么算是公平呢！我的成绩都是经过艰辛努力得来的！我投入了大量时间，付出了大量心血。奥德丽什么都没做就能得到。她潇洒的时候，我可是在拼命努力呢！”
　　父亲慢慢地露出微笑，向她眨眼并缓缓地说道“欢迎加入保守主义俱乐部。”如果你还在怀疑，自己到底站在哪一边，这是一个重要的测验。
　　如果一个保守主义者不喜欢枪支，他只是自己不去买。
　　自由主义者不喜欢枪支，他则希望禁枪。
　　如果一个保守主义者是素食主义者，他只是自己不吃肉。
　　自由主义者如果是素食主义者，他则希望禁止所有人食用肉制品。
　　如果一个保守主义者陷于穷困潦倒，他想的是如何改善自己的处境。
　　自由主义者想的则是谁来照顾自己。
　　保守主义者不喜欢某个脱口秀主持人，他只是换频道而已。
　　自由派则认为，那些自己不喜欢的主持人应该歇业。
　　保守主义者如果是“无信仰者”（non-believer），他只是不去教会。
　　自由主义者若是无信仰者，则不希望任何人提及上帝和耶稣。
　　保守主义者如果认为自己需要医保，他会去市场中购买服务，或是选择去从事此类工作。
　　一个自由主义者则希望别人能替自己买单。 
保守主义者如果读到本文，他将会转到朋友圈，让朋友们开心一下。
　　自由主义者将会默默删除，因为这让他感到自己原来是一个“仇恨者”。
后记
　想起了欧洲的二个笑话：
　　Ａ、瑞典人坐公交车
一位斯德哥尔摩市民在公交车上，旁边有人问：
　　“您好先生，请问您是女权主义者吗？”
　　“不是。”
　　“那您的家人或直系亲属有性少数群体吗？”
　　“没有。”
　　“那您有朋友是中东难民吗？”
　　“没有。”
　　“那你把脚拿开好吗，你踩到我脚了。”
　　B、
当人们遇到自由主义者
“先生，你对接纳难民有什么意见吗？”自由主义者问道。
“对，我是有意见，但我不同意我的意见！”
　　在民主党推出加州SCA5教育平权法案AB1726亚裔细分法案之后，还能够支持民主党的华人，脑子里面不知道有多少浆糊。不由得长叹一声：一些骗子，带着一群傻子。
　　可能，世界原本如此。
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