当你和别人有意见分歧并处理得不顺利的时候，先暂停争论，重新审视你们沟通的规则——关于如何很好地表达反对意见，从而调和分歧的规则。
如果你们没有这些规则，不妨共同建立起来；如果你有，那就审视一下它们是否奏效，并思考如何进行调整，从而变得更加有效。

我在《原则》中也介绍过一些方法。例如，当你们无法解决某个重要的分歧，应该找一位双方都同意的调解员。但是，你们自己需要就最适合你们的规则达成一致意见。


还有一条更通用的规则，那就是：不管在任何情况下处理任何问题，你要凌驾在问题之上，把这个情景看作是一台“机器”，而你必须拥有好的原则和方法去处理问题，并且确保已经掌握它们。最后，回到那个情境中去运用这些原则和方法。
Whenever you and others are in a disagreement that isn’t going well, you and they should pause the disagreement and review your rules of engagement – i.e, the protocols you have for disagreeing well to resolve your disagreements.
If you don’t have them, agree on them, and if you do have them, review how they are working and what should be changed to make them work well. 
In Principles, I recommended a number of things to do (e.g., mutually agreeing on a mediator when you can’t resolve an important disagreement), but you should mutually agree on those that work best for you. 
As a more general rule, whenever you are having any problems handling anything, step above them and look down on the situation as a “machine” that you have to have good principles and protocols for dealing with—and then make sure you have or get them. Then go back into that situation and use them.


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