数码时代的爸爸妈妈们越来越意识到,这个世界正在使出各种高科技手段来吸引他们孩子的注意力。每翻动一页手机屏幕,每点击一下鼠标,父母们都会被各种最前沿的育儿理念轮番轰炸,被育儿焦虑症困扰。

尽管现代化正在以惊人的速度发生,但养育一个心智健康孩子的基本要素并未改变。
天下父母都希望自己的孩子健康成长,有出息。哈佛大学的研究者指出,这个愿望不必以牺牲孩子的善良和同情心为代价。他们相信,一些经过检验而可靠的策略依然是最佳方式,能够将你的孩子塑造成为你希望他们成为的正直诚实、同时也是目标明确的那一类人。以下是六条实用建议:
1)陪伴你的孩子。
这一条是基础。定期与孩子呆在一起,向他们询问各种开放性的问题,这些问题与他们自己有关,也与他们如何看待这个世界有关。你要耐心聆听孩子的答案。你不仅会了解到孩子身上独一无二的特性,而且也正在通过身体力行告诉他们,如何向另外一个人表示关心。
2)如果事情重要,就大声说出来。
研究人员指出,“尽管绝大多数父母和照顾孩子的人认为养育一个会关爱别人的孩子是重中之重,但孩子们却不知道大人们的良苦用心。”因此你要向孩子表达出来。与孩子的老师、教练以及他们身边的人交流,来为孩子在团队中表现的合作能力、与别人相处、懂得做人的行为把脉。
3)教会孩子如何解决问题。
帮助孩子度过决策过程,包括要考虑到决策会如何影响其他人。比如,如果你的孩子想中断某项体育运动或者其他活动,父母要帮助他们寻找和确定问题的根源,并让孩子思考他们对团队的承诺,然后帮助他们了解他们一旦真的退出,是否会真正的解决了他们的问题。
4)培养乐于助人和感恩的习惯。
研究人员指出,“研究表明,习惯表达感恩的人更加乐于助人,他们慷慨大方、富有同情心、懂得宽恕——他们也更加快乐和健康。”因此,父母最好坚持孩子帮忙做家务事,帮助兄弟姊妹,一整天都有表达感谢的习惯。关于奖励措施,研究人员建议父母只表扬“超乎寻常的好慈爱行为”。
5)关注孩子的破坏性情绪。
研究人员指出,“关心他人的能力会被愤怒、羞耻、嫉妒或其他负面情绪所淹没。”父母要帮助孩子认识,表达,并处理这些情绪,然后引导他们安全的解决冲突,才能持续的把育儿的重点放在帮助他们成为一个有关爱能力的人。同样重要的是,出于爱和安全的考虑,父母要帮助孩子设立清晰而合理的界限。
6)向孩子展示一幅更加宏伟的图景。
“几乎所有的孩子都能关爱和同理身边的亲朋好友。”研究人员指出。最关键的是培养他们去关爱在他们的社会,文化,甚至地理的圈外的人们。要做到这一点,你可以通过培养他们成为卓越的聆听者,鼓励他们学会换位思考,和利用在新闻和娱乐中的各种可教时刻来培养孩子的同理心。
该项研究以下面这段给所有父母鼓劲的话结束:
“培养一个懂得关心和尊重他人、正直诚实的孩子一直以来就是一项艰巨任务。但这件事我们所有人都可以去做。没有什么工作比这件事更加重要、带来更大的回报。”
英文原文:

Harvard psychologists have been studying what it takes to raise 'good' kids. Here are 6 tips.

A lot of parents are tired of being told how technology is screwing up their kids.

Moms and dads of the digital age are well aware of the growing competition for their children's attention, and they're bombarded at each turn of the page or click of the mouse with both cutting-edge ideas and newfound worries for raising great kids.
Cartoon by Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

But beneath the madness of modernity, the basics of raising a moral child haven't really changed.

Parents want their kids to achieve their goals and find happiness, but Harvard researchers believe that doesn't have to come at the expense of kindness and empathy. They say a fewtried-and-true strategies remain the best ways to mold your kids into the morally upstanding and goals-oriented humans you want them to be. Here are six practical tips:

1) Hang out with your kids.

Image by Cade Martin/Public Domain Images.
This is, like, the foundation of it all. Spend regular time with your kids, ask them open-ended questions about themselves, about the world and how they see it, and actively listen to their responses. Not only will you learn all sorts of things that make your child unique, you'll also be demonstrating to them how to show care and concern for another person.

2) If it matters, say it out loud.

Image by Steven Bennett/Wikimedia Commons.
According to the researchers, "Even though most parents and caretakers say that their children being caring is a top priority, often children aren't hearing that message." So be sure to say it with them. And so they know it's something they need to keep up with, check in with teachers, coaches, and others who work with your kids on how they're doing with teamwork, collaboration, and being a generally nice person.

3) Show your child how to "work it out."

Image by susieq3c/Flickr.

Walk them through decision-making processes that take into consideration people who could be affected. For example, if your child wants to quit a sport or other activity, encourage them to identify the source of the problem and consider their commitment to the team. Then help them figure out if quitting does, in fact, fix the problem.

4) Make helpfulness and gratitude routine.


Image by David D/Flickr.
The researchers write, "Studies show that people who engage in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving — and they're also more likely to be happy and healthy." So it's good for parents to hold the line on chores, asking kids to help their siblings, and giving thanks throughout the day. And when it comes to rewarding "good" behavior, the researchers recommend that parents "only praise uncommon acts of kindness."

5) Check your child's destructive emotions.

"The ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings," say the researchers. Helping kids name and process those emotions, then guiding them toward safe conflict resolution, will go a long way toward keeping them focused on being a caring individual. It's also important to set clear and reasonable boundaries that they'll understand are out of love and concern for their safety.

6) Show your kids the bigger picture.

Image by debowcyfoto/Pixabay.
"Almost all children empathize with and care about a small circle of families and friends," say the researchers. The trick is getting them to care about people who are socially, culturally, and even geographically outside their circles. You can do this by coaching them to be good listeners, by encouraging them to put themselves in other people's shoes, and by practicing empathy using teachable moments in news and entertainment.
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