如何尊重丈夫的11个方法
By Mary May Larmoyeux
有些妻子不知道尊重对于一个男人来讲有多重要
结婚30年之后，我问我的丈夫吉姆一个简单的问题:“你想要更多的爱还是尊重呢?”
虽然两者都重要，但他的回答令我惊讶：“尊重”。
我不明白为什么有人对尊重的需要会高过对爱的需要。
我问吉姆的问题正是 FamilyLife Today® 电台采访Emerson Eggerchs的广播内容，Emerson Eggerchs博士基于以弗所书5:33节（然而你们各人都当爱妻子、如同爱自己一样。妻子也当敬重他的丈夫）的内容写作了《爱和尊重》一书。
Emerson Eggerchs博士的前提是，虽然每个人都需要爱和尊重，上帝给了男性一种特殊的、更深的对尊重的需要，也给女性同样对爱的需要。这就是为什么我不明白吉姆需要尊重的原因。
在电台的采访中，Eggerchs说教会成员之间有一个共识，那就是作为丈夫应该爱他们的妻子。“但对于女人对男人的尊重,一些女性则不以为然…因为她们不觉得重要。”
他说当妻子感觉到不被爱的时候，她通常回应的方式是不尊重她的丈夫。当丈夫觉得不被尊重时，他倾向于回应的方式是不向她表达爱。正如吉姆和我所说的，当我读了Eggerchs所著的《爱和尊重》后我知道，对丈夫的尊重不应该取决于他的表现。相反，我应该尊重他，因为这蒙神的喜悦，我知道吉姆所有的行为动机是出于他对耶稣基督和对我的爱。
我的丈夫希望我对他的尊重不是由于他做了什么，而是因着他本来的样子尊重他。
为什么你的尊重对于你的丈夫如此重要
我询问了一些男士以帮助我理解为什么尊重对于丈夫是如此重要，以下是他们的一些反馈：
  • 尊重表达妻子的信任。一个朋友写道,“没有信任，就没有尊重。”
  • 尊重能给丈夫带来克服万难的信念。一位丈夫说，收到他的妻子，也是最亲密的朋友的尊重，可以减少他对失败和不足的恐惧。另一位是这样解释尊重的:“它就像在海上航行中助力的风，没有人比我的妻子更了解我，她对于我的尊重是一个非常准确的晴雨表，展现出我是如何工作的以及我是如何自信的面对困难”。
  • 尊重是承认丈夫的领导力并减少消极被动。给予尊重表示丈夫可以成为关系中的领袖（以弗所书5:25-30）。有一位丈夫说，如果他的妻子以尊重表达对他的爱，“我相信男人将成为更优秀的领袖，消极被动也不再那么司空见惯”。
  • 尊重是给予丈夫鼓励，使得丈夫更爱她。有一位丈夫说，当一个妻子不给予丈夫足够的尊重和顺服时，这令他感到失败。另一位丈夫说，当他的妻子给予他足够的尊重，他想给予她更多的爱。
Chad说，在他生命经历最低谷的时候，他的妻子向他表达了对他最深的尊重。他失业了，并因此而感到挫败和沮丧。然而，在经历了许多次失败的面试后，他的妻子仍然支持他。他说，“她说的话带给了他信心和对未来的希望。”
当Chad需要打零工维持生计的日子里，他妻子告诉她，她是多么的为他感到骄傲。他说，“我割草坪，因为它是我人生的使命”；“我这样做是因为我需要支付我的账单和养活我的家人。她让我不用感到惭愧和内疚。”
给予尊重的实际想法
妻子如何无条件的尊重丈夫呢？我询问了查德的妻子和其他的女士，参考她们的回答给出以下11个方法，帮助妻子们给予丈夫们渴望的尊重:
1、寻找机会展现你丈夫的荣耀并建造他。克里斯开始思想她的婚姻，他的丈夫需要努力挣得她的尊重，她对他经常是一种批判的态度。她说，她改变了，因为“上帝的话语告诉我,尊重不是努力挣得的礼物。”
2、接受你嫁给了一个不完美的人。 如果你丈夫做了一个糟糕的决定，避免说“我之前早就告诉过你”。相信上帝会让万事相互效力（罗8:28）。
3、专注于你丈夫的优点。 求神给你一个态度，寻找你丈夫身上的优点并且建造他。告诉他你有多么欣赏他。在即将开始的每一天问自己：我的心态是否正确？我是在效法耶稣基督谦卑的榜样吗？我看待丈夫的需要比自己的需要更重要吗？（腓2:1-4）
4、称赞你的丈夫。不要让你女性的朋友轻视他，不要让他感到不被需要或者无能。
5、如果你和丈夫对管教孩子有分歧，支持你丈夫管教孩子的方式。 Sabirna说有时她不同意她丈夫管教孩子的方式，但她不是在孩子们面前纠正他，她会等待，事后再和他谈。结果是，我看到他对孩子的需求变得越来越敏感，孩子们已经知道，在我们家里爸爸的话极具权威。
6、当你的丈夫为家庭做出属灵的引导时，给予他鼓励。肯定他的努力，无论多么小。(如果你的丈夫在家庭属灵的引导上有很多的挣扎，请阅读丹尼斯和芭芭拉的文章“如何激励我的丈夫成为合身心意的家庭属灵领袖”)
一个妻子告诉我她在家里承担了圣经教导的工作，因为她不认为她的丈夫做的是正确的。她希望她的这个举动能激励他在属灵上的追求。然而，她的策略适得其反。她说，这样做让他感到气馁，而且他感觉,“如果妻子想做，我没有必要做同样的事?’”
7、说话前要三思。 有时候生活的决定真的很难，尤其是当男性和女性思维如此不同。一位女士建议，妻子应该努力理解她的丈夫的想法，因为他有不同的视角。另一位女士说，“通常，如果我作出判断或意见时，我没有尊重我的丈夫。”箴言21:23谨守口与舌的、就保守自己免受灾难。”
8、考虑三个T：Text（你要说什么），Time（什么时间说）和Tone（说话的语气）。当要和你的丈夫谈论比较艰难的话题时，Shannon建议你问自己三个问题：“这是事实吗？这是对的吗？他会因此被建造吗？”她说，选择最好的时间与你的丈夫交谈，并寻求上帝给你恰当的语气来沟通。
9、告诉你的孩子们，他们的爸爸的性格中积极的方面，无论是作为一个丈夫还是一个父亲。常规的在配偶面前这么做不仅显示了对他的尊重，而且有助于培养孩子们对父亲的爱和尊敬的态度，甚至会影响孩子们的婚姻。
10、记住，你用肢体触摸告诉你的丈夫，他值得你付出时间和关注。 Joanie说，“当我知道我的男人充满紧张或压力时，他需要是一个全身的按摩和倾听的耳朵。我们把荣耀归给神，因为我们彼此关心。”
11、如果你的丈夫经常出差，给他写一些便条提醒你对他的爱。当Ashley的丈夫因为工作的缘故出差而感到灰心丧气时，他惊讶的发现他的手提箱上有一个便条。他的妻子向他表达出她是多么感激他的职业道德和因着提供家庭需要而做出的承诺。结果呢?“当他回家的时候…我们感觉我们的关系比以前更紧密。这绝对是一个尊重他好的例子。”
尊重是男人的渴望
很多时候，妻子给予丈夫尊重是很不容易的。正如一位朋友说,“这需要恳切的为我祈祷，使上帝可以在我生命中掌权，使我能够做出尊重丈夫的明智之举。”
这位朋友说，她无条件的尊重她的丈夫带来巨大的利益。为什么？因为尊重是男人的渴望。如同Ron Deal（Familylife的负责人）解释说,“尊重如同男人灵魂中的巧克力。”
英文原文  
11 Ways to Show Respect to Your Husband
Some wives don'tunderstand how important respect is to a man.
By Mary MayLarmoyeux
After being married for about 30 years, I asked my husband, Jim, what might seem to be a simple question: "What would you want more—love or respect?"
While both are important, his answer surprised me: "Respect."
I couldn't understand why anyone would choose respect over love.
My question to Jim was prompted by a FamilyLife Today® broadcast with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of the book Love and Respect.  Eggerichs bases the book on Ephesians 5:33, which says, "Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Eggerichs' premise is that, though every person needs both love and respect, God gave men a special, deep need for respect, and He gave women this same deep need for love. That's why I didn't understand Jim's need for respect. 
In the radio interview, Eggerichs said that among church members, there's a consensus that husbands should love their wives. "But the idea of respecting a man, some women gag … because they don't feel that."
He said when a wife feels unloved she usually reacts in ways that are disrespectful to her husband. And that when he feels disrespected, he tends to react in ways that don't express love to her. As Jim and I talked, and after I read Eggerichs' book Love and Respect, I understood that there spect my husband longs for should not be based on his performance. Instead, Is hould honor him because it pleases God and because I know that Jim's actions are motivated by his love for Jesus Christ and me.
My husband wants me to respect him for who he is, not for what he does.
Why your respectis important to your husband
I asked some men to help me understand why respect is so important to a husband. Here are some of their responses:
  • Respect expresses a wife's trust. One friend wrote, "Respect won't exist unless trust exists first."
  • Respect gives a husband the belief that he can do hard things. One husband said that receiving respect from his most intimate friend, his wife, reduces his fear of failure and of being inadequate.  Another explained respect this way: "It is like wind in my sails. No one knows me like my wife does. Her level of respect for me is a very accurate barometer on how I am doing, and my confidence to do hard things is very much connected to that."
  • Respect acknowledges his leadership and discourages passivity. Giving respect shows the husband that he can be a leader in the relationship (Ephesians 5:25-30).  One husband said if wives would express love to their husbands through respect, "I am convinced that men would be better leaders and passivity would be less commonplace."
  • Respect provides encouragement and makes him want to love her even more.  One man said that when a wife does not respect her husband enough to listen to him, he feels defeated. Another said that when his wife respects him, it makes him want to love her even more.
Chad said that his wife expressed her respect for him the most when he was at perhaps his lowest point in life. He had lost his job, and felt demoralized and discouraged. Yet even after many disappointing interviews, his wife remained supportive. He says, "She spoke words reflecting confidence to meand hope of what will come."
When Chad took odd jobs just to make ends meet, his wife told him how proud she was of him."I did not mow lawns because it was my life's calling," he said."I did it because I needed to help pay my bills and feed my family. She allowed me to do it without shame or guilt."
Practical ideas for giving respect 
How does a wifes how her husband unconditional respect? I asked Chad's wife and some other women that very question. Based on their responses, here are 11 ways a woman can giveher spouse the esteem he longs for:
1. Look for opportunities to show your husband honor and build him up. Kris began her marriage thinking that respect for her husband needed to be earned, and she often had acritical attitude toward him. She says that changed because "God's Word taught me that respect is an unearned gift."
2. Accept that you married an imperfect man. If your husband makes a bad decision, avoid saying "I told you so." Trust that God will somehow make even his bad decision work out in the long run(Romans 8:28).
3. Focus on what your husband does well. Ask God to give you an attitude that looks for the best in your husband and responds in ways that build him up. Tell him what you appreciate about him. As you begin each day, ask yourself: Is my heart in the right place? Am I following the humble example of Jesus Christ, counting my husband's needs more significant than myself (Philippians 2:1-4)?
4. Speak well ofyour husband. Don't be little him to your girl friends or make him feel unnecessary or incapable.
5. If you have a blended family, support your husband's discipline of your biological children. Sabrina says there are times when she doesn't agree with the way her husband is disciplining her biological children. But instead of correcting him in front of the kids, she waits and talks with him later. "As a result," she says,"I've seen him become more and more sensitive to my children's needs, and the kids have learned to see his word as authority in our home."
6.  Encourage your husband when he gives spiritual direction to your family. Af firm himfor his efforts, no matter how small. (If your husband is struggling in his spiritual leadership of your family, read Dennis and Barbara Rainey's article "How can I motivate my husband to get right with God and becomethe spiritual leader of our family?")
One wife told me about a time when she took over the biblical training in her home because she didn't think her husband was doing it right. She had hoped her actions would encourage him to step up his spiritual leadership. However,her strategy back fired. She says, "Doing this left him discouraged and feeling, ‘Why should I bother if she wants to do it?'" 
7. Think before you speak. Sometimes life's decisions are really hard, especially when men and women think and reason so differently. One woman suggested that a wife should strive to understand her husband's thinking as he considers different options. Another said,"Often, if I make snap judgments or comments, that's when I disrespect my husband." Proverbs 21:23 (The Message) offers some good advice on this topic: "Watch your words and hold your tongue; you'll save yourself a lot of grief."
8. Consider the three T's: Text (what you will say), Time (when you will say it) and Tone (how you will express your words). Before discussing something difficult with your husband, Shann on suggests asking yourself three questions: "Is it true? Is it right? Does it build up?" She says to consider the best time to talk with your husband, and to ask God to give you the right tone when communicating.
9. Tell your children the positive aspects of their dad's character, both as a husband and a father. Regularly doing this in front of your spouse not only shows him respect, but also helps the kids develop a loving, respectful attitude toward Dad and marriage.
10. Remember that your touch tells your husband that he is worthy of your time and concern for his well-being. "When I know my man is tense or stressed," Joanie says, "all it takes is a massaging touch to his neck, shoulders, and back along with a fully engaged,listening ear. We give glory to God as we care for one another."
11. If your husband travels regularly, give him tangible reminders of your love for him. When Ashley's husband was discouraged about leaving home because of a job-related trip, she surprised him by tucking a special note into his suitcase. She expressed how much she appreciated his work ethic and commitment to providing for the family. Theresult? "When he came home we … felt connected at a deeper level. It was definitely an example of my respect for him."
Respect is what men yearn for
There are many times when it's no teasy for a wife to give her husband respect. As one friend said, "It takes lots of prayers for me to let God take control of me and make me able to make wise choices when it comes to respecting my husband."
This friend says her unconditional respect for her husband has paid great dividends. Why? Because, respect is what men yearn for. As Ron Deal, director of FamilyLife Blended™, explains, "Respect is like chocolate to a man's soul." 
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丈夫
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上帝
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your husband