结婚前一定要问这七个问题，不然会后悔！

Kenzie

抖音“英语小情书”

百万粉丝主播

Hi, 我是Kenzie

Welcome back to my channel!

今天我们的话题是

婚前必问的七个问题

排除潜在的婚姻问题

————

1.Did your family throw plates, calmly discuss issues or silently shut down when disagreements arose?

出现分歧时，你的家人会怎么做呢？是扔盘子，还是平静地探讨问题，亦或对问题闭口不谈？

A relationship's success is based on how differences are dealt with, said Peter Pearson, a founder of the Couples Institute. As we are all shaped by our family's dynamic, he said, this question will give you insight into whether your partner will come to mimic the conflict resolution patterns of his or her parents or avoid them.

"情侣研究所"创始人之一皮特·皮尔森称，一段关系的成败取决于人们如何处理分歧。由于我们所有人都会受到自己家庭的影响，这个问题将让你能够了解另一半是会效仿还是规避ta父母化解冲突的方式。

2. Will we have children, and if we do, will you change diapers?

我们要孩子吗？如果要的话，你会换尿布吗？

With the question of children, it is important to not just say what you think your partner wants to hear, according to Debbie Martinez, a divorce and relationship coach. Before marrying, couples should honestly discuss if they want children. How many do they want? At what point do they want to have them? And how do they imagine their roles as parents? Talking about birth-control methods before planning a pregnancy is also important, said Marty Klein, a sex and marriage therapist.

离婚和与情感顾问黛比·马丁内斯称，在孩子的问题上，不要只说另一半爱听的话，这点很重要。婚前，伴侣应在是否想要孩子的问题上开诚布公地谈一谈。你俩想要几个孩子？何时想生？想象自己会如何扮演父母的角色？性爱与婚姻治疗师马蒂·克莱因表示，计划怀孕前探讨避孕方法也十分重要。

3. Is my debt your debt? Would you be willing to bail me out?

我的债务你是否会共同承担？你愿意帮我还债吗？

It's important to know how your partner feels about financial self-sufficiency and whether he or she expects you to keep your resources separate, said Frederick Hertz, a divorce lawyer. Disclosing debts is very important. Equally, if there is a serious discrepancy between your income and your partner's, Dr Scuka recommended creating a basic budget according to proportional incomes. Many couples fail to discuss sharing finances, though it is crucial, he said.

离婚律师弗雷德里克·赫兹称，了解伴侣如何看待财务独立，以及ta是否希望分账是非常重要的。公开债务也很重要。若你和伴侣的收入差异很大，斯库卡博士会建议你们根据收入比例设立基本预算。他表示，尽管分摊财务的问题十分重要，许多夫妇却未曾就该问题进行过讨论。

4. What's the most you would be willing to spend on? A car, a couch, shoes?

你最愿意把钱花在什么方面，汽车、沙发还是鞋子？

Couples should make sure they are on the same page in terms of financial caution or recklessness. Buying a car is a great indicator, according to Hertz. Couples can also frame this question around what they spend reckless amounts of money on, he said.

双方应确保在财务谨慎或冒进程度上的一致性。赫兹表示，买车就是一个很好的参考指标。情侣还可以根据他们会在什么物品上胡乱花钱设置问题。

5. Can you deal with my doing things without you?

你能否接受我不带你去做某些事吗？

Going into marriage, many people hope to keep their autonomy in certain areas of their life at the same time they are building a partnership with their spouse, according to Seth Eisenberg, the president of Pairs (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills). This means they may be unwilling to share hobbies or friends, and this can lead to tension and feelings of rejection if it isn't discussed. Couples may also have different expectations as to what "privacy" means, added Dr Klein, and that should be discussed, too. Dr Wilcox suggested asking your partner when he or she most needs to be alone.

"亲密关系技能实际应用"总裁塞斯·艾森伯格表示，步入婚姻时，许多人都希望在与伴侣建立伙伴关系的同时，也能在生活中的某些领域保持自己的独立。这意味着他们也许不愿与对方分享自己的业余爱好或朋友，若未就此进行探讨，则会导致对方产生被排斥的感觉，而使两人关系紧张。克莱恩博士表示，双方对"隐私"所指内容的期望值也可能不尽相同，因此也应加以讨论。威尔科特斯博士建议，问问你的伴侣什么时候最需要独处。

6. Do we like each other's parents?

我们喜欢彼此的父母吗？

As long as you and your partner present a united front, having a bad relationship with your in-laws can be manageable, Dr Scuka said. But if a spouse is not willing to address the issue with his or her parents, it can bode very poorly for the long-term health of the relationship, he said. At the same time, Dr Pearson said, considering the strengths and weaknesses of your parents can illuminate future patterns of attachment or distancing in your own relationship.

斯库卡博士说，只要你与另一半立场统一，就能hold得住与公婆/丈人丈母娘关系不好的问题。但如果一方不愿解决他/她父母的相关问题，那么这段关系能长期健康地发展的可能性会相当渺茫。同时，皮尔森博士称，分析你父母的优缺点，对了解二人未来夫妻关系中的依恋或疏远模式，会有所启发。

7. How do you see us 10 years from now?

十年后我们会是什么样子？

Keeping the answer to this question in mind can help a couple deal with current conflict as they work toward their ultimate relationship goals, according to Dr. Eisenberg. Dr Wilcox said this discussion could also be an opportunity to raise the question of whether each partner will consider divorce if the relationship deteriorates, or whether they expect marriage to be for life, come what may.

艾森伯格博士称，将这个问题的答案牢记在心会有助于情侣解决当前的冲突，因为他们会向着婚姻关系的终极目标而努力。威尔科特斯博士表示，探讨该问题也提供了一个机会，让你能了解在关系恶化时，伴侣是会考虑离婚，还是认为无论发生什么，婚姻都是一辈子的事。