“好苦恼哦 哈佛、耶鲁、普林斯顿都来offer了,可是我想从了剑桥哎” 这种幸福(找打)的烦恼不是人人都有机会经历的,但是凡人也有类似的小烦恼啊:我有了更好的选择,该如何拒绝其他的offer、又保住自己在学术圈里的人脉&名声呢? 要知道,一个行业的圈子是很小的,也许今天你伤了Ta,读书期间通过学术会议、合作项目...你们还是会有交集,又或许毕业后风水轮流转你又要跑去ta那儿做 postdoc、去这个学校做 faculty 了呢?
就算不是如此, if done correctly, declining an offer today can help set up a future successful job search. No matter the situation, knowing how to decline an offer gracefully is an important skill that says much about your professional character. 那么,"thanks, but no thanks"邮件该怎么写呢?
Rejection Letter Example 
Dear Prof. Last Name,
Thank you very much for offering me xx and I really appreciate you (doing A) and (doing B). 
While xx seems like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I now decide to accept another offer that will give me the opportunities to pursue my interests in xx. When faced with an option to xx, it is extremely hard for me to give it up(or list other solid reasons to back up your decision. You don't need to tell him/her which university you will attend, though he/she might find it out soon himself).
I do appreciate all the courtesy and hospitality extended to me, and I hope it is not too late for you to recruit other students suitable for the position.(or you can simply say: You have my best wishes in finding someone suitable for the position.) It's been a pleasure getting to know you, and xx(someone in the group who has helped you) was also very helpful.(You can elaborate how you were helped).
I'm sorry that it didn't work out but I believe that we still will cross paths in the future. Thank you again for everything. Please keep in touch.
Best regards,
Signature
拒Offer小Tips
1
Show your appreciation. 
2
Be timely in your response. 
3
Remain professional and respectful. 
4
If possible, decline the offer by phone, not email.
5
Give an honest, concise reason.  
eg: 
'Thank you so much for your time and interest in me, and for the offer. It's certainly a great opportunity. Unfortunately, I am looking for a position that is a little more aligned with my career goals (then explain briefly), …' 
 '…I have accepted another offer that provides X. I hope that we can stay in touch should another opportunity arise in the future.'"
6
Don't suggest that there wasn't chemistry
Don't suggest that there wasn't chemistry or mention anything personal, "even if the boss evokes vivid scenes from 'The Devil Wears Prada,'" .
7
Be 100% sure before you say, "No." 
The employer may be persistent, so be prepared to answer a couple of follow-up questions on why you're rejecting the offer. Be resolute if your gut says this isn't a good match; don't be swayed. You should be truly excited about where you'll spend most of your waking hours. If you think you have another offer, first make sure it's in writing before you decline your 'close second' opportunity.
8
Offer to remain in touch. 
It opens the door to networking in the future in a mutually beneficial way. 
9
Give genuine compliments about the university, the department or the research group. 
10
Thank everyone who interviewed and helped you. 
11
Offer to think of others who might fit the bill. 
在收到 offer 后一定要 stay in touch,告诉他们你最近是怎么想的,有什么疑问。这也就让他们知道,你依然对这个 program 感兴趣。就算某天你真的拒绝了,他们也会知道你曾爱过(excuse me?)。
决定去哪儿了以后,就马上告诉你的教授(&老板),邮件或者电话都可以。可以提一下自己I20等后续材料的进展,“一切按部就班,秋季见”。在没告诉利益相关者之前别在朋友圈、微博秀。那句话怎么说来着?秀分快。
招你的教授看到“被拒绝”必然是会失望的。在写 Email 的时候表示自己的谦逊、感恩之情,有理有据地拒绝。虽然“拒绝”本身就意味着你选择了“更好的”,但也不要过度“耿直”。说话时避免那些消极层面的原因(我有了xx的offer必然不会再去你那儿了;你组里中国学生、印度学生太多了我压力大...)。一个明事理的形象不但有利于未来的就业。“前人栽树,后人乘凉”,还有利于同校师弟师妹未来的申请。
记得在拒绝信中提到所有相关人员。比如之前给你搭过线的学长、小蜜、教授本人。感谢他们的解答与帮助,未来也要保持联系。“安抚情绪”也好,真的有这个想法也好,可以说自己以后还是会有机会和他们合作的。邮件可以发给教授并抄送给组里的其他人,也可以给每个人都发不一样的,personalize的版本,以示感激。
总之,你的“拒绝”应该是让被拒绝的教授觉得:即使收了“好人卡”,当初招他还是值。未来还会有交集,这么好的学生一定要保持联系。
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