直男癌的本质是什么？
这真是个值得探讨的问题？
是单纯的品味问题？还是对女性的态度？
好像都有，但好像也都不是全部。
如果你也没有搞清楚，那你或许可以看看今天这个 TED演讲，讲的就是“直男癌的本质”。
而有趣的是，这次的演讲者就是个男的，它是美国演员 贾斯汀·贝尔杜尼(Justin Baldoni)
84年的偶像派肌肉男，后来转型做了电影制片人(film maker)和社会活动家(social entrepreneur)
同时也是 Instagram 上的晒妻、晒娃狂魔：
不得不说，Justin 这演讲能力在演员界真的是顶尖的，不光口吃清晰，而且特别会调动听众的情绪，

他在这段演讲中，不光把直男癌的每个侧面都扔到了聚光灯下，还剖析了为什么我们的社会一直在创造这么多直男癌。

字幕如下：
As an actor, I get scripts and it's my job to stay on script, to say my lines and bring to life a character that someone else wrote. 
作为一名演员，我的工作就是按照剧本上写的来演戏、来说台词并把一个由别人写的角色演活。
Over the course of my career, I've had the great honor playing some of the greatest male role models ever represented on television. 
在我的职业生涯中，我很荣幸地饰演了电视荧幕史上最伟大的一些道德楷模。
You might recognize me as "Male Escort #1."
比如，你们可能记得我演的“三陪小哥1号”、
"Photographer Date Rapist," 
强暴约会对象的摄影师、
"Shirtless Date Rapist" from the award-winning "Spring Break Shark Attack."
获奖电影《深海狂怒》里强暴约会对象的赤膊男、
"Shirtless Medical Student," 
那个没穿上衣的医学系学生、
"Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man" 
那个没穿上衣、而且还用兴奋剂的作弊男，
and, in my most well-known role, as Rafael.
然后，还有我最广为人知的角色：拉斐尔。
A brooding, reformed playboy who falls for, of all things, a virgin, and who is only occasionally shirtless.
他是一个会沉思的回头浪子，他死心塌地的爱上了一名处女，而且仅仅是偶尔不穿上衣。
Now, these roles don't represent the kind of man I am in my real life, but that's what I love about acting. 
其实，这些角色都不是我生活中的样子，但这正是我热爱演戏的原因。
I get to live inside characters very different than myself. 
我（在演戏的时候）可以活在一个和我自己非常不同的角色当中。
But every time I got one of these roles, I was surprised, because most of the men I play ooze machismo, charisma and power, and when I look in the mirror, that's just not how I see myself. 
而我每次拿到这些角色的时候都会被震惊到，因为我要演的这些男人全都溢满了大男子主义、领袖气质还有力量，但当我朝镜子看去的时候，这真的不是我眼中的自己。
But it was how Hollywood saw me, and over time, I noticed a parallel between the roles I would play as a man both on-screen and off.
然而这就是好莱坞眼中的我，而且时间一长，我发现我在银幕上和银幕外其实扮演着同样一种角色。
I've been pretending to be a man that I'm not my entire life. 
我一生都在假扮一个并非我自己的男人。
I've been pretending to be strong when I felt weak, confident when I felt insecure and tough when really I was hurting. 
我在脆弱的时候假装坚强，在不安的时候假装自信，在心里受伤的时候假装强硬。
I think for the most part I've just been kind of putting on a show, but I'm tired of performing. 
我觉得我大部分时候都是在演戏，而我现在厌倦了这种表演。
And I can tell you right now that it is exhausting trying to be man enough for everyone all the time. 
我现在可以对你们讲一句实话：一直在所有人面前表现得“足够男人”真的让人精疲力竭。
Now -- right?
而——对吧？
My brother heard that.
我哥哥听到了。
Now, for as long as I can remember, I've been told the kind of man that I should grow up to be.
从我有记忆开始，一直都有人在告诉我应该成为什么样的男人。
As a boy, all I wanted was to be accepted and liked by the other boys, but that acceptance meant I had to acquire this almost disgusted view of the feminine, and since we were told that feminine is the opposite of masculine, I either had to reject embodying any of these qualities or face rejection myself. 
在我还是个小男孩的时候，我想要的仅仅是被其他男孩子接纳，但这种接纳意味着我必须对女性表现出一种几乎令人发指的态度；而且，由于我们都被灌输着“女性是男子气概的反面”这种观点，所以我要么就得拒绝展现出任何女性会有的特质，要么就会遭受排挤。
This is the script that we've been given. Right? Girls are weak, and boys are strong. 
这是我们所有人都拿到手的那个剧本，对不对？女孩子是柔弱的，而男孩子是强大的。
This is what's being subconsciously communicated to hundreds of millions of young boys and girls all over the world, just like it was with me.
就像你我一样，全世界数以万计的男孩和女孩都在被潜移默化地灌输这种理念。
Well, I came here today to say, as a man that this is wrong, this is toxic, and it has to end.
而我今天作为一个男人来这要说的是：这是错的，这是有毒的，而且它必须被终结。
Now, I'm not here to give a history lesson. We likely all know how we got here, OK? 
我来这不是为了给大家上历史课。毕竟我们大概都知道事情为什么会发生成这样，对吧？
But I'm just a guy that woke up after 30 years and realized that I was living in a state of conflict, conflict with who I feel I am in my core and conflict with who the world tells me as a man I should be. 
我只是一个年满30之后突然意识到自己一直活在冲突之中的男人。这是我和我心中真正的自己之间的冲突，也是我和这个世界为我设定的既定角色之间的冲突。
But I don't have a desire to fit into the current broken definition of masculinity, because I don't just want to be a good man. I want to be a good human. 
我并不想去迎合现在这种病态的男子气概形象，因为我并不只想做个好男人，我想做个好人。
And I believe the only way that can happen is if men learn to not only embrace the qualities that we were told are feminine in ourselves but to be willing to stand up, to champion and learn from the women who embody them.
而我认为达成这一目标的唯一方法，就是让男人们去学着接受这些我们拥有的所谓女性特质，并且去从那些象征这些特质的女性身上学习它们。
Now, men --
所以，男人们——
I am not saying that everything we have learned is toxic. OK? 
我并不是说我们所学的一切都是有毒的，好吗？
I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with you or me, and men, I'm not saying we have to stop being men. 
我并不是说包括你我在内的所有男人天生就是错的，我也不是说我们不应该继续做男人了。
But we need balance, right? 
但我们需要找到一个平衡，对不对？
We need balance, and the only way things will change is if we take a real honest look at the scripts that have been passed down to us from generation to generation and the roles that, as men, we choose to take on in our everyday lives.
我们需要一种平衡。而我们唯一能改变这种现状的办法就是，去真切地看一看我们手上这被一代又一代人传承下来的剧本，以及我们作为男人每天选择扮演的那个角色。
So speaking of scripts, the first script I ever got came from my dad. 
说到剧本，我这辈子拿到的第一份剧本是我爸爸给的。
My dad is awesome. He's loving, he's kind, he's sensitive, he's nurturing, he's here.
我爸真的超级棒。他很爱我们。他很善良。他很敏感。他很会照顾人。他就在这呢。
He's crying.
而且他正在哭。
But, sorry, Dad, as a kid I resented him for it, because I blamed him for making me soft, which wasn't welcomed in the small town in Oregon that we had moved to. 
但是，抱歉，爸爸。当我还是个孩子的时候，我其实因为这些而看不起他。因为我觉得他让我变得软弱，而这在我们搬去的那个俄勒冈小镇里并不受欢迎。
Because being soft meant that I was bullied. 
因为，软弱意味着我要被欺负。
See, my dad wasn't traditionally masculine, so he didn't teach me how to use my hands. 
你们看，我爸并没有那种传统意义上的男子气，他并没有教我怎么用我的拳头。
He didn't teach me how to hunt, how to fight, you know, man stuff. 
他并没有教我怎么打猎、怎么打架，你们懂的，那些“男人该做的事”。
Instead he taught me what he knew: that being a man was about sacrifice and doing whatever you can to take care of and provide for your family. 
他教给了我他所懂的东西：男人真正应该做的，是为家庭做出牺牲，是尽你所能来照顾你的家人、供养你的家人。
But there was another role I learned how to play from my dad, who, I discovered, learned it from his dad, a state senator who later in life had to work nights as a janitor to support his family, and he never told a soul. 
而同时，我爸还教会了我如何扮演好另一个角色，我后来发现他是从他的爸爸那学来的；他的爸爸本来是个州议员，但后来为了养家不得不在晚上做看门人，而他从未向别人说起这个事。
That role was to suffer in secret. 
这个角色的核心，就是秘密地承受痛苦。
And now three generations later, I find myself playing that role, too. 
而现在，到了第三代人，我发现我自己也接下了这个角色。
So why couldn't my grandfather just reach out to another man and ask for help? 
所以，为什么我爷爷当时不能向其他人寻求帮助呢？
Why does my dad to this day still think he's got to do it all on his own? 
时至今日，为什么我爸还依旧觉得他应该一个人扛下一切呢？
I know a man who would rather die than tell another man that they're hurting. 
我知道，一个男人如果心里受伤了，他宁愿死也不愿把这件事告诉另一个男人。
But it's not because we're just all, like, strong silent types. 
但这并不是因为我们全是沉默寡言的硬汉。
It's not. 
并不是。
A lot of us men are really good at making friends, and talking, just not about anything real.
我们男人当中的好多其实很健谈、很会交朋友，只不过谈的都不是真情实感罢了。
If it's about work or sports or politics or women, we have no problem sharing our opinions, but if it's about our insecurities or our struggles, our fear of failure, then it's almost like we become paralyzed. 
如果谈的是体育、政治或者女人，我们发表起意见来毫无障碍；但如果要谈自己的不安、自己的挣扎、自己对失败的恐惧，那我们就像瘫痪了一样。
At least, I do.
至少我自己是这样的。
So some of the ways that I have been practicing breaking free of this behavior are by creating experiences that force me to be vulnerable. 
我为了摆脱这种行为模式，采取了很多办法，其中一个就是为自己创造些情境，让自己不得不表现得脆弱。
So if there's something I'm experiencing shame around in my life, I practice diving straight into it, no matter how scary it is -- and sometimes, even publicly. 
所以，如果我在生活中经历了什么羞耻的事情，不管我自己多么害怕，我都会尝试直面它——而有时候我是公开这么做的。
Because then in doing so I take away its power, and my display of vulnerability can in some cases give other men permission to do the same.
因为一旦这么做了，我就剥夺了它的力量；而有时，当我表现出脆弱的时候，会让其他的男人们也觉得可以这么做。
As an example, a little while ago I was wrestling with an issue in my life that I knew I needed to talk to my guy friends about, but I was so paralyzed by fear that they would judge me and see me as weak and I would lose my standing as a leader that I knew I had to take them out of town on a three-day guys trip -- Just to open up. 
举个例子，前不久，我正在为我自己生活中的一个问题而挣扎；我知道我必须跟我的男性朋友们谈一谈，但我又非常害怕他们会对我心生成见、会觉得我软弱，我害怕我会失去我作为领导者的形象；所以我知道我必须拉他们出来搞一个兄弟三日游……这样才敢开口。
And guess what? 
结果你们猜猜怎么了？
It wasn't until the end of the third day that I finally found the strength to talk to them about what I was going through. 
还没到第三天结束，我就终于鼓起勇气跟他们讲了我现在经历的事情。
But when I did, something amazing happened. 
而当我这么做的时候，奇迹发生了。
I realized that I wasn't alone, because my guys had also been struggling. 
我发现并不是只有我在经历这些，因为他们也各有各的挣扎。
And as soon as I found the strength and the courage to share my shame, it was gone. 
而一旦我鼓起勇气说出了自己的羞耻感，这些羞耻感就烟消云散了。
Now, I've learned over time that if I want to practice vulnerability, then I need to build myself a system of accountability. 
现在，我还明白了，如果我真的想练习这种表现脆弱的能力，我就需要给自己建立一个监督体系。
So I've been really blessed as an actor. 
所以，我觉得能做一名演员真的很幸运。
I've built a really wonderful fan base, really, really sweet and engaged, and so I decided to use my social platform as kind of this Trojan horse wherein I could create a daily practice of authenticity and vulnerability. 
我已经建起了一个相当有规模的粉丝群体，大家都非常非常可爱，而且关系很紧密，所以我决定把这个社交平台当成一个特洛伊木马，好让我每天能在上面练习真诚、练习脆弱。
The response has been incredible. It's been affirming, it's been heartwarming. 
我得到的结果真的非同凡响。很振奋人心，而且很温暖。
I get tons of love and press and positive messages daily. 
我每天都收获了无数的爱、督促、还有正能量。
But it's all from a certain demographic: women.
但它们全都来自于同一个特定人群：女人。
This is real. Why are only women following me? Where are the men?
这是真的。为什么只有女人粉我？男人都去哪了？
About a year ago, I posted this photo. 
大概一年以前，我发了这张照片。
Now, afterwards, I was scrolling through some of the comments, and I noticed that one of my female fans had tagged her boyfriend in the picture, and her boyfriend responded by saying, "Please stop tagging me in gay shit. Thx."
之后，我去浏览了一下留言区，然后发现我的一名女粉丝在照片下面@她的男朋友，而她男朋友的回复是：“求不要在这种同性恋的鬼东西里@我，谢谢。”
As if being gay makes you less of a man, right?
好像同性恋就一定不比异性恋有男人味一样，对吧？
So I took a deep breath, and I responded. 
所以我深呼吸了一口，然后回复了他。
I said, very politely, that I was just curious, because I'm on an exploration of masculinity, and I wanted to know why my love for my wife qualified as gay shit. 
我很克制地说：我只是很好奇——因为我自己也在探究男子气概到底是什么——所以我想知道为什么“我爱我老婆”属于“同性恋的鬼东西”。
And then I said, honestly I just wanted to learn.
然后，我很真诚地说：我只是想学习而已。
Now, he immediately wrote me back. 
结果他马上就回复我了。
I thought he was going to go off on me, but instead he apologized. 
我本来以为他要对我发飙，但结果他向我道歉了。
He told me how, growing up, public displays of affection were looked down on. 
他向我倾诉到：在他成长的过程中，这种表现出真情的行为一直是被看不起的。
He told me that he was wrestling and struggling with his ego, and how much he loved his girlfriend and how thankful he was for her patience. 
他还告诉我他一直都在和自己的虚荣心斗争着，他还说了他有多爱自己的女朋友，也感激她一直对他保持着耐心。
And then a few weeks later, he messaged me again. This time he sent me a photo of him on one knee proposing.
接着，几周后，他又发信息给我了。这一次他发了一张他单膝跪地求婚的照片。
And all he said was, "Thank you."
而他配上的文字是：“谢谢你。”
I've been this guy. I get it. 
我以前也曾经是他这个样子。所以我明白他的感受。
See, publicly, he was just playing his role, rejecting the feminine, right? 
你看，他只是表面上扮演着他自己的那个角色，拒绝任何女性的特质，对不对？
But secretly he was waiting for permission to express himself, to be seen, to be heard, and all he needed was another man holding him accountable and creating a safe space for him to feel, and the transformation was instant. 
但内心深处，他其实一直希望有人能允许他表达自己的感情，他希望被人看见、被人听见，而他所需要的只是有另一个男人来推他一把、给他创造一个抒发感受的安全空间；而一旦有了这些，他的转变只是一瞬间的事。
I loved this experience, because it showed me that transformation is possible, even over direct messages. 
我非常喜欢这段经历，因为它让我知道人是可以改变的，甚至能通过这么直白的交流来改变。
So I wanted to figure out how I could reach more men, but of course none of them were following me.
所以我想知道我要如何才能触及到更多的男人，不过当然，他们全都没有关注我。
So I tried an experiment. I started posting more stereotypically masculine things --
所以我搞了一个实验。我开始发一些更传统的男性内容。
Like my challenging workouts, my meal plans, my journey to heal my body after an injury. 
比如富有挑战性的健身动作、我的饮食计划、我身体受伤之后的康复过程。
And guess what happened? 
你们猜猜然后发生了什么？
Men started to write me. 
开始有男的给我发信息了。
And then, out of the blue, for the first time in my entire career, a male fitness magazine called me, and they said they wanted to honor me as one of their game-changers.
然后，突然地，在我的整个职业生涯中第一次有一本男性健身杂志找上了我，他们说想给我一个荣誉称号——规则改变者。
Was that really game-changing? 
这些东西改变啥了？
Or is it just conforming? 
他们只是巩固了既有规则吧？
And see, that's the problem. 
看见了吧？这就是问题。
It's totally cool for men to follow me when I talk about guy stuff and I conform to gender norms. 
当我迎合性别画像来谈那些男性内容的时候，男人们觉得完全可以关注我。
But if I talk about how much I love my wife or my daughter or my 10-day-old son, how I believe that marriage is challenging but beautiful, or how as a man I struggle with body dysmorphia, or if I promote gender equality, then only the women show up. 
但如果我谈的是我有多爱我老婆、我有多爱我的女儿以及我10天大的儿子、我觉得婚姻虽然充满挑战但又非常美好、我作为一个男人如何与身材恐惧作斗争、以及两性平等问题，观众就只剩女人了。
Where are the men? So men, men, men, men!
男人都到哪去了？男人，男人，男人，男人呢？
I understand. Growing up, we tend to challenge each other. 
我懂，从小到大我们都更习惯于去挑战对方。
We've got to be the toughest, the strongest, the bravest men that we can be. 
我们必须是最硬气、最强的那个。必须尽可能地表现勇敢。
And for many of us, myself included, our identities are wrapped up in whether or not at the end of the day we feel like we're man enough. 
而对于我们中的很多来说，包括我自己，我们的整个身份认同都是关于自己“表现得够不够男人”。
But I've got a challenge for all the guys, because men love challenges.
那么我现在要给所有的男人提出一个挑战，我知道男的都喜欢挑战。
I challenge you to see if you can use the same qualities that you feel make you a man to go deeper into yourself. 
你敢不敢动用你所有的男子气概来好好直视自己。
Your strength, your bravery, your toughness: Can we redefine what those mean and use them to explore our hearts? 
去审视你的力量、你的勇气、你的顶天立地：我们有没有能力去重新定义这些概念，然后用它们来直面我们自己？
Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? 
你有没有勇敢到敢表现出脆弱？
To reach out to another man when you need help? 
敢不敢在你需要帮助的时候找另一个男人诉苦？
To dive headfirst into your shame? 
敢不敢直面你自己的羞耻感？
Are you strong enough to be sensitive, to cry whether you are hurting or you're happy, even if it makes you look weak? 
你有没有坚强到感表现自己的敏感？敢不敢在自己受伤和快乐的时候哭，而不管别人是不是觉得你软弱？
Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life? 
你有没有自信到能够认真倾听你另一半要说的话？
To hear their ideas and their solutions? 
敢不敢去听取她们的意见、她们的点子？
To hold their anguish and actually believe them, even if what they're saying is against you? 
敢不敢即使在她们反驳你的时候也去理解她们、相信她们？
And will you be man enough to stand up to other men when you hear "locker room talk," when you hear stories of sexual harassment? 
还有，当你听到其他男人拿女人开玩笑的时候，当你听到其他男人谈性骚扰的时候，你敢不敢站起来和他们对峙？
When you hear your boys talking about grabbing ass or getting her drunk, will you actually stand up and do something so that one day we don't have to live in a world where a woman has to risk everything and come forward to say the words "me too?"
当你听到你的好哥们谈怎么袭臀、怎么给女生灌酒的时候，你敢不敢站起来做点什么？好让有一天女人们不再需要自己站出来说：“我也是”？
※ Me too.“我也是” 是前不久美国反性侵的口号。
This is serious stuff. 
我是认真的。
I've had to take a real, honest look at the ways that I've unconsciously been hurting the women in my life, and it's ugly. 
我已经好好审视了我自己是如何伤害我妻子的，真的非常恶劣。
My wife told me that I had been acting in a certain way that hurt her and not correcting it. 
我太太说，我有一种行为一直让她很受伤，而且我还一直不改。
Basically, sometimes when she would go to speak, at home or in public, I would just cut her off mid-sentence and finish her thought for her. 
基本来讲就是，当她在家或者在外面讲话的时候，我经常会打断她然后帮她把话说完。
It's awful. 
这真的很不好。
The worst part was that I was completely unaware when I was doing it.
最糟的是，我其实知道自己在这么做。 
It was unconscious. 
我是有意识的。
So here I am doing my part, trying to be a feminist, amplifying the voices of women around the world, and yet at home, I am using my louder voice to silence the woman I love the most. 
我，作为一个女权主义者，在帮全世界的女性发声；但在家里，我却在用更大的声音让我最爱的一个女人说不了话。
So I had to ask myself a tough question: am I man enough to just shut the hell up and listen?
所以我不得不问自己一个很严肃的问题：我有没有男人到敢闭上嘴好好听人讲话？
I've got to be honest. I wish that didn't get an applause.
说句实话，我真的希望你们刚刚没有为我鼓掌。
Guys, this is real. 
各位，这些都是真的。
And I'm just scratching the surface here, because the deeper we go, the uglier it gets, I guarantee you. 
而且我现在谈的还都只是表面，因为这个问题越深入就越阴暗。
I don't have time to get into porn and violence against women or the split of domestic duties or the gender pay gap. 
我现在没有时间谈针对女性的色情片和暴力，也没有时间谈家务分工和两性薪资差异的问题。
But I believe that as men, it's time we start to see past our privilege and recognize that we are not just part of the problem. 
我认为，作为男人，我们现在真的应该好好审视自己手中的特权了；而且我们还得看清楚，我们并不仅仅是问题的一部分。
Fellas, we are the problem. 
兄弟们，我们就是问题本身。
The glass ceiling exists because we put it there, and if we want to be a part of the solution, then words are no longer enough.
玻璃天花板之所以存在，是因为我们把它放在那了；而如果我们真的想解决这个问题，纸上谈兵已经远远不够了。
There's a quote that I love that I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings. 
这是一段我很喜欢的引言，我从小读着它长大，它出自巴哈伊教的文学作品。
It says that "the world of humanity is possessed of two wings, the male and the female. So long as these two wings are not equivalent in strength, the bird will not fly."
它说：“人的世界由两只翅膀承载着，一个是男人，另一个是女人。如果这两只翅膀的力量不均等，这只鸟就无法飞翔。”
So women, on behalf of men all over the world who feel similar to me, please forgive us for all the ways that we have not relied on your strength. 
女人们，我代表全世界和我有一样想法的男人，恳请你们原谅我们，原谅我们没有在应该的时候借助你们的力量。
And now I would like to ask you to formally help us, because we cannot do this alone. 
我现在希望你们能正式开始协助我们，因为我们没办法独自完成这个重任。
We are men. We're going to mess up. We're going to say the wrong thing. We're going to be tone-deaf. We're more than likely, probably, going to offend you. 
我们是男人。我们会把事情搞砸。我们会说错话。我们会听不懂人话。而且我们还很有可能会冒犯你们。
But don't lose hope. 
但是请不要放弃希望。
We're only here because of you, and like you, as men, we need to stand up and become your allies as you fight against pretty much everything. 
我们能存在于世都是因为你们。而且，就和你们一样，作为男人，我们需要站起来成为你们的同盟，来与你们共同抗击这一切。
We need your help in celebrating our vulnerability and being patient with us as we make this very, very long journey from our heads to our hearts. 
当我们走上这条寻心之旅的时候，我们需要你们来接纳我们的脆弱，我们需要你们的耐心。
And finally to parents: instead of teaching our children to be brave boys or pretty girls, can we maybe just teach them how to be good humans?
最后，我还要对家长们说：与其去教孩子们成为勇敢的男孩子和漂亮的女孩子，我们能不能仅仅去教他们成为好人呢？
So back to my dad. 
我们再来谈谈我父亲吧。
Growing up, yeah, like every boy, I had my fair share of issues, but now I realize that it was even thanks to his sensitivity and emotional intelligence that I am able to stand here right now talking to you in the first place. 
从小到大，我像所有其他男孩子一样，也有过一堆毛病；而我现在意识到，我能站在这里和你们谈这些，都多亏了我爸爸的敏感、多亏了他的善解人意。
The resentment I had for my dad I now realize had nothing to do with him. 
我现在已经意识到，我当年对我爸爸的不满跟他并没有什么关系。
It had everything to do with me and my longing to be accepted and to play a role that was never meant for me. 
所有的问题都出自我自己，是我一直希望被别人接纳、希望去演那个我根本不该演的角色。
So while my dad may have not taught me how to use my hands, he did teach me how to use my heart, and to me that makes him more a man than anything.
虽然我爸爸并没有教会我怎么用拳头，但他教会了我如何用自己的真心，对我而言，这让他比世界上的任何人都更男人。
Thank you.
谢谢你们。

由于视频挺长，而且耗流量，英大直接在这把要点给大家讲一讲吧：
在 Justin 的演员生涯里，好莱坞给他的角色一直是一些大男子主义的形象，即使是正面形象也不例外。
这让他觉得很割裂，因为生活中的他并不是这样的人。
然而这就是大众一直在看的，也是主流观众愿意看的。
更麻烦的是，这也是大多数人灌输给自己孩子的价值观。
虽然这些角色也各不相同，但他们却有着同一种让人不快的共性，这种共性在英语里似乎没有一个对应的词，但我们在中文里把它概括为“直男癌”。
这让 Justin 想起了自己的童年。
（右边是他爸爸）
Justin 的爸爸并不是那种传统概念里的硬汉形象，他是个敏感而温柔的人，而且很顾家。
然而，小时候的 Justin 其实很不喜欢爸爸的这种形象，因为，在他生活的这个直男癌社会里，这些特性都显得很软弱。
至于他自己，为了被其他的男孩子接纳，不得不去迎合这个社会对男性的那些病态期待、必须接受这种直男癌的行为方式。
而他越深入，就越觉得厌倦。
这也就是为什么他后来成了一名社会活动家，致力于性别平等、以及打破固有的性别画像。
不过这一切进行得并没有想象中顺利。
首先，虽然他的这些社会活动以及 Instagram 账户都获得了很高的关注度，而且有很多人来回复、互动、发表观点。
但是，这些人基本全是女人。
另外，一年前，他在 Ins 上发了这张他和老婆的合照：
当他去刷评论区的时候，他发现有个女粉丝@了自己的男友。
但男朋友的回复是：
“求不要在这种同性恋的鬼东西里@我，谢谢。”
这句话的槽点够多的，都不知道从哪开始说比较好。
而 Justin 接下来做的是：深吸了一口气，然后回复了这个男朋友。
当然，他的措辞是很克制的，只是想请教为什么“我爱我老婆”属于“同性恋的鬼东西”。
神奇的是，这个男朋友马上就回复了回来。
而且他并不是来发飙的，而是来道歉了，
他说：在他成长的过程中，这种表现出真情的行为一直是被看不起的。
他还说他一直都在和自己的虚荣心斗争着，说了他有多爱自己的女朋友，也感激她一直对他保持着耐心。
接着，几周后，更神奇的事情发生了。
这个男朋友又发信息过来了。这一次他发了一张他单膝跪地求婚的照片。
而他配上的文字是：“谢谢你。”
显然，他只是扮演着社会为他设定的那个角色，那个直男癌的角色。
但内心深处，他其实一直希望有人能允许他表达自己的感情，他希望被人看见、被人听见，而他所需要的只是有另一个男人来推他一把、给他创造一个抒发感受的安全空间；而一旦有了这些，他的转变只是一瞬间的事。
这件事让 Justin 很受启发，他希望通过这样的方式来改变更多男人的生活。
只不过，眼前还有一个很麻烦的问题：没有多少男的在关注他。
所以他做了个实验，开始在 Ins 上发些不同的东西；以前他发的基本都是家庭照和社会活动照，各种晒妻、晒娃什么的。
而现在，他开始发自己的健身视频、自己的饮食计划，发各种社交媒体上的男性热门活动：
结果，果然，大量的男性粉丝开始粉他了。
而更奇特的是，在他的职业生涯里第一次有一本男性健身杂志找上了他，说要给他一个荣誉称号：game changer
这个用中文可以翻译成“规则改变者”或者“规则打破者”之类的。
这让他觉得很搞笑，因为他觉得这些并没有改变任何东西啊，明明只是在迎合社会现有的观点而已。
他觉得，之所以有这么多直男癌，是因为这整个社会都在不断巩固这种概念；这不光是男人本身的问题，不少女性也是问题的一部分；
因为，我们的家长都在教男孩子如何“做男孩子”，在教女孩子如何“做女孩子”，但却忘了我们最应该教的是“如何做个好人”。
在这样的价值观下，不少男人其实也是被胁迫的一方；而且由于这一切都发生得太自然，大家甚至都意识不到问题在哪。
如果这种病态的性别画像不打破，直男癌还会永远存在，性别不平等也会永远存在。
而改变这种现状，是我们所有人的责任。
所以，你觉得自己有没有哪些行为其实是在助长这种现状？
习以为常的事情并不一定就是自然的，它们也可能根本就错得离谱。
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