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家暴对我们来说并不陌生，特别是电视剧 “不要和陌生人说话” 对涉世为深的我们来说简直就是童年阴影。
然而家暴受害者很多时候并不仅限于女性，小编将带你走进一位饱受家暴的男子内心世界。
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIM: I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING FOR THEM.
一位家暴受害者的心声：我不会停止跟家暴的对抗
The first thing a visitor to John Panko’s Evanston home might notice are two drawings his daughter did for him when she was four years old. Although 10 years have passed since his daughter produced those drawings, Panko says he still remember every detail about them.
每一位去John Panko位于埃文斯顿（芝加哥）的家时，总会第一时间注意到他女儿在四岁时给Panko画的两幅画。尽管这两幅画是10年前画的，但Panko还是记得他女儿画这幅画时的神情。
“This is me, that is her. That is for dad. Love Jacy,” Panko said, explained the motivation behind the drawings. “She was just learning how to write, so her J was backwards.”


Panko看着画解释道：“这是我，那个小女孩是她。这画是送给给爸爸的，爱你的Jacy。” Panko指着Jacy说道：“她才开始学写字，所以她的J拼反了。”

Panko, 63, a survivor of domestic violence, has lost the right to be with his daughter and son as a father, and his life has changed dramatically.


Panko，63岁，一名家暴的幸存者。自从他失去了对女儿和儿子的抚养权之后，他的生活发生了翻天覆地的变化。

Panko met his ex-girlfriend in 2002. Like all lovers,they fell in love and very quickly had their first baby. Panko decided to become a stay-at-home dad to take care of his daughter, but not long after that decision, Panko’s partner began verbally abusing him. Their relationship was only a month old.

2002年，Panko认识了他的前女友。就像电视剧里的爱情故事一样，他们迅速坠入爱河并有了第一个孩子。之后Panko决定做一名全职家庭妇男照顾女儿，但不久之后他的前女友开始不断地辱骂他。这时他们才仅仅认识一个月。

“From the beginning, she was abusive,” Panko said, “but as time grew on, it became more frequent, and then it became more than just verbal. As time went by, she became more frequent and more violent.”

“我们刚在一起时，她就表现出会辱骂人的性格，”Panko说道，“但随着在一起的时间变多，情况变得越来越糟，更严重时她开始动手打我。随着时间推移，她对我的家暴变得更加频繁和虐待我的情况也越发严重。”

Panko said his partner would attack him over the slightest provocation. But he never thought about hitting her back. Putting his arms up as a shield was his only defense. “I am not a violent person,” Panko said. “I don’t think anything has ever been solved by violence.” But that abusive relationship lasted almost seven years, until Panko decided in 2013 to stand up and start advocating for the victims of domestic violence.

Panko说稍有不慎就会惹得前女友开始暴打他。但他从未想过还手。只能靠双手尽力保护头部作为仅有的防御。“我不是一个喜欢暴力的人，”Panko解释道。“我认为以暴制暴并不能解决任何问题。”但那段痛苦不堪回首的恋情一直持续了将近7年，直到Panko在2013年终于下定决心站起来并且鼓励那些同样受到家暴的受害者们。

“Domestic violence doesn’t have a gender,” Panko said, “doesn’t have a color, doesn’t have a religion, [it can be] from any background, poor or rich. Anyone can be a victim. I would try personally to share my story to bring attention to the fact that men do suffer domestic violence. Also, I am terrified that my children are going to grow up thinking that her behavior is acceptable, and they will continue the cycle of abuse.”
“家暴中没有性别之分，”Panko说道，“也不限于特定的肤色、宗教、背景、或财富。任何人都可能成为受害者。我希望可以通过自身的受害经验来给大家敲响一个警钟，男人也可以同样可能是家暴受害者。同样的，我很担心我的孩子们跟着有家暴倾向的妈妈一起生活会影响他们，最终重蹈他们母亲的覆辙。
John Panko spent years in an abusive relationship. Panko points to a drawing by his daughter at his house in Evanston. (Xufei Geng/MEDILL)
John Panko在一段家暴的恋情中度过了很多年。Panko正指着一副她女儿画的画
Between Friends is an organization that has worked with domestic violence victims for 30 years by offering counseling and support services to domestic violence victims. Panko credits the organization for helping break the cycle of domestic violence.
Between Friends是一家已经连续30年为家暴受害者提供帮助的机构
。
他们为受害者们提供咨询和支援服务
。Panko相信这家机构可以打破家庭暴力的循环。


“I think the number of men affected by domestic violence is probably under reported,” said Molly Pim, the institutional giving manager for Between Friends. “There are a lot reasons that [men] don’t report or don’t necessarily recognize violence as violence in their relationships. Generally, when we think about domestic violence, our first thought is that women are the survivors. But we know that it is not always the case.”

“我认为许多被家暴的男人没有被报道出来，”Between Friends的经理Molly Pim说道。“有许多原因促使被家暴的男人选择沉默或是他们根本没有意识到一些行为也是家暴的一种形式。通常，但我们谈论起家暴，第一直觉总是女生是家暴的受害者。但我们知道情况并非总是如此。”

Domestic violence is not gender-specific, and that sometimes leaves people at a loss to know how to help the victims. Ryanne Mullin has a female friend who is in an unhealthy abusive relationship. “It’s so hard because I feel like the more you try to help, the further they get from you. It’s so complicated,” Mullin said.

家暴没有性别之分，而有时候许多人不知道该如何帮助这些家暴受害者。Ryanne Mullin有一位女性朋友正处于一段不健康有家暴倾向的恋情之中。Mullin解释道，“有时候其实很难去帮助一位受家暴的朋友，你越想伸出援手，他们可能越发疏远你。”

Rebecca Darr, CEO of the non-profit organization WINGS, says they provide housing and various services to the domestic violence victims. “If someone has a friend or someone knows someone who is going through this, the first thing is, do not judge them. And the second thing is, do not tell them to just leave, because it’s not that simple,” Darr said. “What they can do is to give the victims the number of the hotline and let them call when they think it’s the right time.”

非营利组织WINGS的CEO，Rebecca Darr说他们会给那些家暴的受害者提供住房和其他服务。“如果你有一位朋友或是知道其他人正在饱受家暴的伤害，第一件事就是不要去评价他们。而第二件事就是不要告诉他们离开那个家，离开施暴者，因为家暴不会是一句离开就能解决的事。”Darr继续说道, “他们能做的是给予那些受害者一些能够帮助他们的热线。”

Panko also has some wise advice for anyone who has been a victim of domestic violence: “Never give up hope. You can heal eventually. In twenty years, my son could be going through the exact same thing. I am not gonna let that happen to my son.”
Panlo同样有一些经验想要传授给那些正饱受家暴伤害的人：“永远不要放弃希望。最终你会慢慢走出这些阴影。20年后，我的儿子可能也会遭遇同样的事，但我会尽力阻止它发生。”
Love shouldn't hurt
美中高等教育学会
宗旨
是在北美地区具有广泛影响力的教育类非营利组织，是在纽约州注册并被美国国税局批准的501(c)(3)非营利与社会公益慈善组织，在美国相关法律下享受运营便利和税收优惠。它由中美两国顶尖名校校友以及专业人士、教授发起，旨在打破信息不对称不透明，为准留学生、家长以及在美留学生提供真实信息与对接高质资源，致力于帮助留学生适应美国高等教育环境、传递真实的留学生形象和声音。
美中高等教育学会同时对接政府、知名企业、美国高校核心资源，扩展线上宣传线下活动独特渠道，着重打造留学人员创新创业项目与人才培养基地，多途径帮助国内企业政府在美招聘、吸引国际顶尖人才回国工作；为留学人员当地就业或回国创新创业、培养青年领袖提供便利条件。美中高等教育学会从申学到求职全方位服务留美人员，广泛促进中美教育和人文的交流。
■美中高等教育学会（行之）
110 Wall Street，New York, NY 10005
Chinese-American Higher Education Institute
www.CAHEI.org
www.xingzhi.org
[email protected]
编译专栏 作者
姓名：王洋
不会做饭的摄影师不是好逗比
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