我不知道抑郁的感觉，但我知道它的形状…

抑郁症（Depression）是躁狂抑郁症的一种发作形式。以情感低落、思维迟缓、以及言语动作减少、迟缓为典型症状。抑郁症严重困扰患者的生活和工作，给家庭和社会带来沉重的负担，约15%的抑郁症患者死于自杀。

世界卫生组织、世界银行和哈佛大学的一项联合研究表明，抑郁症已经成为中国疾病负担的第二大病病。引起抑郁症的因素包括：遗传因素、体质因素、中枢神经介质的功能及代谢异常、精神因素等。

（漫画：抑郁的状态）

“抑郁症”在当今社会人们对之已经耳熟能详，可是我们听说过，我们了解过，就真的懂得抑郁是一种什么样的感受了吗？

在Quora（相当于国内知乎）有人提问，得了抑郁症是一种什么样的感受？这是下面得赞最多的一个回答。

@Ellen Vrana

I cannot describe what it feels like. But I can tell you what it looks like.

我描述不出来得了抑郁症是什么感觉，但我却知道它的形状。

There is a lint ball, under our hallway chest, right next to where the lamp is plugged into the wall. It moves slightly from a minisculebreeze I cannot feel. It has a hair in it, long, mine. Hmm, now it moves back under the chest and behind the leg. And then out again. It’s very active, this lint ball.

在我家走廊柜子的下面有一个线球，就在壁灯的右边。一阵微风吹来，我感觉不到，线球却开始轻微地移动，上面还有一根我的长发。线球又回到了柜子的下面，就在桌腿的后面。进进出出，反反复复，真是一个好动的线球。

plugged into：插入；陷入
miniscule：草写小字的；极小的；小字体的
breeze：
n. 微风；轻而易举的事；煤屑；焦炭渣；小风波
vi. 吹微风；逃走

Why do I know this? Because I’m lying on the floor. On our 2nd floor landing at the top of the stairs. My head is pressed against the wood floor, my body might be on the carpet, not sure. I didn’t plan to lie here, I just got overwhelmed in sadness and this is where I came.

我怎么知道这些的呢？因为我就躺在地板上，躺在我家2楼的地板上，楼梯的最上面。我的脑袋贴在木地板上，身体或许在地毯上，我不是很确定。我没打算躺在这的，只是突然间悲伤一股脑儿的涌了上来，然后我就躺在这了。

press against：挤压；压在…上

All depressions are different, this is what mine looks like.

所有抑郁都是不同的，这是我抑郁时的模样。

To cry. To grieve for nothing and everything. At first images that flash through my head. Images of sadness, other people crying, faces of people I’ve lost.

哭，没来由的悲伤，什么都令我难过。一幕幕场景都从脑海里闪过，悲伤的画面、人们哭泣的画面、所失之人的脸庞。

flash through：掠过；一闪而过

Then words come, phrases. I don't see them, I hear them in my head. Things like “I can’t do this, why am I alone, I don’t have any one to talk to, I cannot do this anymore.” That kind of thing. I cry them outloud, too.

不断有字眼出现，我看不到它们，却能听到它们在我脑子里不断的叫嚣。“我做不到，为什么我这么孤独，我找不到人倾诉，我再也受不了了，”诸如此类的声音不断回响在脑海，我只能哭。

And then, there are moments of joy. Being free. Not being this person or in this body. And then I think of my husband and how closely I’m connected to him.

突然，脑海里闪过那些快乐的时刻。我是自由的，我不再困在这副躯壳之中。我想到了我的丈夫，想到我们如此亲密。

Then the tears stop. Just like that, stop. But I’m not ready to get up. I want to lay here, forever. I normally choose the floor, or corners, to go into when I am depressed. There is something about the heavy smoothness of our floors that pull me to them. We have area rugs so sometimes I’ll go on one and curl up. It feels safe, like an island on the floor. These places make me feel safe, protected.

然后，眼泪就止住了，就像关掉水龙头那样，止住了。但我依然不打算起来，我想永远都躺在这里。在我感到抑郁的时候，我经常选择躺在地板或墙角处，它们好像有什么神奇的魔力把我黏在那里。我经常躺在地板上的小地毯上，蜷起身子，这让我有安全感，我仿佛是地板上的一座孤岛。这些地方让我有安全感，让我有种受保护的感觉。

Now I’m lying here, on this floor, I’m not looking at anything in particular, and not feeling anything. Just deliriously exhausted, like I’ve been up for days. This is the state I will stay in, empty, just not caring. Days, weeks. I usually drop out of sight, don’t return emails, or see people. I crave alcohol (but don’t have it because that makes it worse). Mostly, I can’t take care of myself. I will exist on croutons and salad dressing because I cannot leave the house. It’s ok, I’m not hungry.

现在我就躺在这块地板上，眼神涣散、身体麻木、疲惫不堪，像是熬了几天夜似的。这将是我未来几天或几周安身的地方，空虚、冷漠。我经常从人们的视野中消失，不回邮件，不见任何人。我很想酗酒（但我不会，这会让情况更糟糕）。大多时候我都无法照顾好自己，我以面包丁和沙拉为食，因为我无法离开屋子。不过没关系，我不饿。

It could last a day, a few days, or weeks. I’m completely useless, not thinking, not feeling, just breathing and sleeping. But every once in a while I’ll start to feel again, and it quickly overwhelms me, and then I’ll seek out the floor. Or a corner.

这种状态会持续一天、或几天，甚至是几周。什么也不做，什么也不想，什么也感觉不到，活着就剩下呼吸和睡觉，但我总是会回过神来。但是这种抑郁的状态会再一次席卷我，然后我就再找一块地板、一个角落。

seek out：找出；搜出

This is the cycle I'm in and where I was a few moments ago. And then the lint caught my eye. The way it keeps moving when I cannot. It seems to have a life force. How does it do that? Why can’t I do that?

我就处于这样的怪圈中不断的循环往复。然而，突然之间，这个线球引起了我的注意，为什么它能动得了而我不行，它看起来反而像是有生命一般。为什么会这样子？为什么我做不到？

I don’t know. Many things I don’t know.

我不知道。很多事情我都一无所知。

I do know, however, that this isn’t my fault. There are chemical imbalances in my brain that overwhelm me with stimulants and what not. Powerful, powerful stuff. It is not rational, I can’t *think* my way out of it. I’d like more than anything not to be crippled by this. But I am. I do something about it, treat it, but sometimes it’s not enough.

但我知道，抑郁，并不是我的错。我那化学失衡的大脑用种种强劲浓烈的刺激压垮我。可这不是“理性”的，我没有办法靠自己“想通”。我宁愿残疾都不愿再忍受这些。可我依然承受着，我想过办法，我接受过治疗，但这些远远不够。

what not：等等；其他种种

Which brings me to the floor.…pondering what could be my life force. Do I even have one? Well, I’m still here, so yes...but I don't feel like I have one.

我到底是为什么趴在地板上？到底什么才是我活着的动力...我有这样的动力吗？不过，既然我还躺在这，那应该是有的。只是，我感觉不到我有。

So I just lay there, empty of tears, empty of everything.

所以，我只是躺在这里，眼泪是空虚的，一切都是空虚的。

Then, I don’t know how long—a minute, an eternity— I felt a warmth, like when you think of a person you want to see smiling at you. The warmth turned into an urge, a happy urge. I felt compelled to write this down and share with people, make it ok to talk about this stuff.

不知过了多久，一分钟？或是永恒？我感到了温暖，就是那种当你想起一个人的时候你会想起他的微笑。这种温暖变成了一种鼓励，一种欢欣的鼓励。我感到一种力量迫使我写下这些东西然后与人分享，跟别人聊这些东西其实也没什么大不了的。

So I did. I wrote it down and am here, posting. Because it is ok to talk about this stuff.

我就这么做了，我在这里写下这些东西，发了出来。抑郁这件事也没什么不可说的。

That compulsion didn’t get me over depression, it didn’t solve it. It will come back, perhaps in a few hours, perhaps tomorrow.

这一力量并不能帮我克服抑郁，并不能解决它。过不了几个小时，或者明天，它又会向我袭来。

But it made me care about something, and that got me off the floor.

但这一股力量让我有了关心的东西，让我从地板上站了起来。

希望每一个人在难过、受挫的时候，都能感受到一种能使他站起来的力量。

有人说，抑郁的感觉就像这副漫画一样：

I can't.

对正常人来说正常的事情，对他们来说，可能就是做不到。

抑郁到底是什么感觉？

这是另一名回答者的文章：

@Sudhir Suvarna

How does it feel ?

抑郁是什么感觉？

Loneliness,

孤独，

Cut off from people,

与人隔绝，

Get irritated easily,

容易愤怒，

Feel tired even though I have done no major activity during the day.

容易疲惫，即使一整天什么都没做。

Not wanting to pick up the phone,

不想接电话，

Procrastinating,

拖延，

Feel like crying ( Yes...men cry too)

想哭（是的...男人也会哭）

Thinking everyone is out to knock me over

被害妄想症

Happy to follow the same routine everyday.

每天都做同样的事

Hate TV or any sound

讨厌电视讨厌任何声响

Hate people for no reason.

无来由的讨厌人类

Can't Smile

笑不出来

No reaction on my face when people talk to me,

当人们谈及我时面无表情

Relive the past traumatic moments.

回味过往伤心的时刻。

Actually thought the world would end in Dec 2012....Felt sad ..it didn't

希望世界末日真的会在2012年的12月，遗憾的是，并没有。

and the worst thing

最糟糕的是......

I live in a 11 story residential building in Mumbai. The terrace gives a lovely view of the entire suburb of Mumbai. I have been thinking of visiting the terrace...I imagine standing on the top.....and thank God for the wonderful life I had so far, my family, my friends from the past and then I look down from the 11th floor, I notice my 7-year old son crying out loud....'Dad...please don't jump...Mumma and I love you very much...we are proud of you.....Please come back Dad !!! '.

我住在孟买一个住宅楼的11层，站在阳台上可以看到孟买整个郊区的景色。我经常想着走到阳台上，站在阳台的边缘，感谢上帝给我的美妙人生，感谢我的家人、朋友，然后从11楼往下看去，我看到我7岁的儿子声嘶力竭的哭着...“爸爸，不要跳，我和妈妈都非常爱你，我们都以你为豪......回来爸爸！！！”

and I am still here...fighting to live another day !

所以，我依然在这里，挣扎着活过另一天！

What am I doing to recover from depression ?

为了走出抑郁，我做了些什么？

- I pray to God for the wonderful life he has given me and to give me strength to fight it out .

——我向上帝祈祷，感谢它给过我的美好生命，希望它能赐予我继续抗争的力量。

- Be there for people who need someone to talk to.

——当人们需要倾诉的时候陪在他们身边。

- Eat healthy, mainly fruits - bananas especially.

——健康饮食，多吃水果，尤其是香蕉。

- Long walks (2 hours daily), listen to music, read a book - these days I have developed an interest in understanding how planes work.

——每天散步2小时，听音乐，读书，最近我对飞机是怎么运作的很感兴趣。

- Continue to stay away from people on Facebook - no more commenting on friends holiday pictures.

——远离Facebook，不在朋友的度假照片下面评论。

- Affirmations - If other's won't tell me..I tell myself... 'I am a wonderful person...My family loves me...They need me to be alive....I need to look after them'.

——对自己的肯定，就算没有人这么跟我说，我也会这样告诉我自己，“我是一个很棒的人，我的家人很爱我，他们需要我活着，我还要照顾他们。”

- Write, Write, Write ...all positive feelings...how I am going to live my life for the next 40 years.

——不停地写，写，写，把所有正能量都写下来，写我将如何度过生命接下来的40年。

- I will Never Give Up !!!

——我永远都不会放弃！！！

I conclude my answer with an image I clicked myself and a quote from Stephen Fry.

我以自己的一张自拍照和Stephen Fry来总结这个答案。

“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn't a straight forward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.

“如果你身边有抑郁症患者，请不要问他们为什么。抑郁不是由什么坏的处境产生的；抑郁，就跟天气一样。

“Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.”

“试着去理解他们正在经历的那些黑暗、昏沉、无望和孤独。当他们从抑郁中回神时陪在他们身边。做一个抑郁症患者的朋友很难，但这将会是你做过的最温暖、最高尚、最美好的事情。”

lethargy：昏睡；死气沉沉
come through：经历；安然度过