丹尼斯·雷尼弟兄 ▎在婚姻中与神同行

数年前，我和家人一起在优胜美地国家公园（YosemiteNationalPark）度假，我们被那里壮丽的红杉林深深地吸引，并为之震撼。于是，我们走进密林深处，来到了一棵直径将近12米的红杉树下。

我们惊讶地发现，在这棵树的下面有一个牌子，上面写着“忠贞的夫妻树”——这难道不是一棵独树吗？为什么要叫它“夫妻树”呢？

护林员解释道：在1500多年前，两棵树的种子，在距离地面4.5米深的地方开始发芽。在几百年的岁月中，这两棵树各自生长，互不影响。不过随着它们长得越来越粗壮，他们的树干间的距离也变得越来近。大约在他们800岁的时候，彼此的树干挨上了，之后它们开始逐渐融合成了一棵树的样式。从此它们就像忠贞的夫妻一样，经历了多个世纪的风雨，却屹立不倒。

我心想，这简直是一个在基督里合一，且拥有属灵生命的神圣婚姻的完美象征！当两个人一起跟随基督，学习圣经，顺从圣灵的引领，将他们的内在生命深深地扎根在基督之上；他们就同样会成为一体——成为忠贞的夫妻，成为天造之合。

婚姻首先是一种灵里的关系。夫妻二人最好能够各自与神相交、同行，并听从他的教导。要常常独自默祷，也要有一同的祷告，好使婚姻得到造就。因为若把婚姻的属灵层面置于不顾，你就等于是忽略了那位创造婚姻，并能帮你成就美好婚姻的神。

耶稣谈到了两种截然不同的生命根基。他的训词对于夫妻共同打造家庭也同样适用：

在这里，基督讲到了用“坚固的材料”去支撑属灵生命的必要性。他告诉我们，要借着不断顺从神和他话语的权柄来巩固你的内在生命。你若把房子建在磐石上，你就能抵挡住世俗文化的狂风骤雨，抵挡住那种活在当下的自私自利，并弥补自己的众多缺点。

我们该如何彼此帮助，使耶稣基督成为我们生命中的领导和主宰呢？我们必须和他有个人关系，并且孜孜不倦地跟随他的脚踪，在基督里不断成熟。保罗写道：“……使我们不再作小孩子，中了人的诡计和欺骗的法术，被一切异教之风摇动，飘来飘去，就随从各样的异端；惟用爱心说诚实话，凡事长进，连于元首基督。”（《以弗所书》4章14-15节）

是否有一个诀窍，能够让人不费太多周章，就打造好一个以耶稣基督为根基的婚姻呢？在我们这个“自顾自”的世界中，很多人对这个答案毫不关心，但几个世纪来，耶稣的跟随者却已经认识到了它的重要性——我们需要规范自身的行为，需要有操练。参与一定量的主内活动能有助于门训和门徒的成长。这不是说要给大家一张死气沉沉的表格，里面充斥了各种法律规条和禁令；也不是说非要让大家变成那种没有喜乐，不知恩典，只知“照本宣科”却实际没有基督生命的人。绝对不是这样！这些规范和操练是让“一盘散沙”的信仰变得坚实牢靠而必要的基本功课。

教会是基督的身体，也是我们的家；我们需要彼此相爱来一同完成天国的工作。尝试在你的教会参加或领导一个圣经研习小组怎么样？

无论是对夫妻，还是对个人而言，这些操练对属灵生命的成长都是很重要的。当夫妻二人同心寻求神的时候，两人间的距离就会拉近，两人在灵里也会变得亲密。

可问题出现了。大多数的基督徒伉俪都希望如此，希望能花时间在一起祷告并能用圣经彼此勉励，但他们却往往不那么做。他们让其他的事情占据了本应是他们婚姻关系中最重要的部分。

这就是为什么芭芭拉和我撰写了夫妻灵修书籍——《与你相处》（Moments With You）和《共度好时光》（Moments Together for Couples）。书中的灵修专题能给夫妻们一个并肩读经、祷告，一起讨论圣经和婚姻家庭的机会。

体验过书中灵修专题的夫妇们反馈给我们说：每日共同灵修的时光，已将他们之间的关系带到了一个更加亲密合一的新高度。比如，鲍威尔夫妇写道：

“上帝借这种灵修方式，用他的大能在我们的生命中做工，开启了我们之间沟通的管道，使我们交流那些过去没有勇气和心思去讨论的问题。当时我们整个人的信仰都被彻底更新了。在2002年的春天，我们经历了一次严重的疾病，我们陷入经济上的困境，并经历了一些重大的人生变故。但上帝已经通过这本书为我们预备了道路，我们知道如何一同祷告，我们知道我们可以转向他。我们知道自己有圣经可以依靠。”

他们的话应验了耶稣在《马太福音》第7章里，关于生命风暴的那些提醒。那些像洪水，飓风一样对婚姻造成打击的灾难，会使许多夫妻心中不断产生忧虑。有时，就因为他们没有属灵上的预备，所以这些问题就压倒了他们。

夫妻花时间一起读经、默想和祷告，能帮助二人预备好面对生命接下来的光景，也能帮助二人虔诚稳健地将圣经运用到生活中。比如，在管教孩子上，适当的属灵预备能帮助夫妻二人形成共同的价值观，从而有利于孩子的教养。甚至孩子长大成人离开后，良好的属灵预备也能帮助夫妻二人在晚年时过有序的生活。

属灵上的亲密会帮助夫妻二人得以白首同心，在即将到来的不同的生命光景中，屹立不倒。

Years ago when we were on a family vacation in Yosemite National Park, we were fascinated and awed by the magnificent redwoods. As we walked among the forest giants, we came to what appeared to be a huge redwood tree about 40 feet in diameter.

We were puzzled, however, by the sign at the base of the tree, which read, "The Faithful Couple." This looked like it was a single tree, not two. 

A ranger explained that some 1500 years ago, two trees had sprouted as seedlings on the forest floor about 15 feet apart. For several hundred years, the two trees had grown individually, but as they got larger, their trunks grew closer and closer together. Sometime around the age of 800 years, the trunks literally touched, and they began fusing together as one tree. There they stood throughout the centuries—the Faithful Couple.

I thought to myself, What a perfect symbol of a godly marriage that knows oneness in Christ and spiritual vitality! As two people sink their roots deep by following Christ, studying Scripture, and responding to the leading of the Holy Spirit, they also grow together as one—a faithful couple.

Marriage first and foremost is a spiritual relationship. It works best when two people are connected individually to God, walking with Him, obeying Him in the Scripture, and praying as individuals and as a couple. If you push the spiritual dimension to the side, you are ignoring the very God who created marriage and the One who can help you make it work.

Jesus spoke about two different foundations for a life. His statements are equally applicable to a couple building a home together:

Jesus was talking about the need to build your spiritual house on solid stuff and the way to support your life through increasing obedience to God and His Word. When you build your house on that Rock, you can withstand the cultural storms and the "currents" of your selfishness and shortcomings.

How do we help each other set Jesus Christ apart as Lord and Master in command of our lives? We must know Jesus Christ personally and diligently follow in His steps, growing toward Christian maturity. Paul wrote, "... we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves, and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ" (Ephesians 4:14–15).

Is there an insider's secret on how to make the most of time and build a marriage on the solid-rock foundation of Jesus Christ? Many people in our "do your own thing" world may not care for the answer, but followers of Jesus for centuries have recognized its critical importance: discipline. Certain spiritual activities contribute to the training of a growing disciple. I am not proposing a lifeless list of legalistic tasks that will turn the Christian life into a graceless, joyless religion based on works. No, these are basic exercises that will change a flabby, weak faith into a strong one.

Prayer.Every good relationship survives or dies on its communication. Prayer is the way we communicate with God. You need to pray as individuals and as a couple. Perhaps the two of you can pray briefly before you go to sleep at night. 

tweet thisClick to Tweet 

  Every good relationship survives or dies on its communication.

Bible study. In the Word we learn everything we need to know about God, His promises, and what He wants from us—and we see Jesus—our Leader—in action and can learn better how to follow Him. 

Worship. We are commanded to worship God, individually and collectively. If we are not worshiping God, we probably are worshiping something else. Find a vibrant, Christ-worshiping, Bible-believing church.

Giving. We are stewards of resources on loan to us from God. We need to be diligent in sharing with others so their needs are met and they in turn give thanks and glory to God. Regular tithing (giving 10 percent of your income) to your local church and giving to other Christian causes is a great way to share God's goodness to you.

Fellowship. The body of Christ is our family; we need others and they need us to accomplish the work of the kingdom as a loving team. How about joining or offering to lead a small-group Bible study at your church?

Service. It is a privilege to serve others in the name of Christ, particularly those who are needy or alone. In every community of any size there are agencies that need volunteers to feed the hungry and help the poor. Seek one out.

Witness. Jesus entrusted to His followers the task of reconciling the lost to God. That involves all aspects of the process, from cultivating friendships with neighbors and others who are not believers, to planting seeds by sharing testimony and the Word, to actually reaping the harvest by asking those made ready by the Holy Spirit to receive Christ. Do you work with someone who needs you to live out the gospel by showing genuine love?

These disciplines are as important to develop as a couple as they are as individuals. As you seek God together as a couple, you will also draw closer to each other as you develop a deep, close spiritual intimacy.

The problem is that most Christian couples wish they spent time together praying and encouraging each other from the Bible, but they just don't do it. They let other priorities crowd out what should be the most important aspect of their marriage relationship.

That's why Barbara and I have developed our devotionals for couples—Moments With You and Moments Together for Couples. These one-page devotions give couples the opportunity to read Scripture, pray together, and discuss biblical topics relevant to their marriage and family.

Couples who have used these devotionals have reported that this daily time together has taken their relationship to a new level of oneness and intimacy. Art and Jen Powell wrote,

The Powells' words confirm Jesus' warning in Matthew 7 about the storms of life. Many couples never stop to consider that floods, wind, and the like will assault their marriage. They aren't prepared spiritually, so these elements overtake them.

Spending time in prayer and in the Word as a couple helps you anticipate what will come in your next seasons of life. It helps you make prayerful, thoughtful application of Scripture—for example, to prepare for a child, or for a child leaving the home. It helps you work on your values as a couple and what you want to build into children, and it helps you determine your priorities in the final years of life.

Spiritual intimacy will draw you closer as a couple … and it will help you stand strong in every season that comes.