寻求教会辅导的五个好处

“神很了解我，”有位朋友曾经这样对我说，“祂知道，如果没有来自基督徒群体的彼此负责和爱，我自己没法在这个世界存活。”

神的旨意从来都不是要基督徒茕茕孑立。因此，通过在地上的教会，祂创造了一个地方，基督徒们可以聚集在这里，有集体敬拜、彼此负责、团契交通、教导以及出于敬虔的劝诫。我甚至敢这样说，离开了在地方教会中与其他信徒满有爱心的合一生活，就找不到对我们信仰最完全的表达。

可是，由于基督徒们常常害怕让认识的人知道自己的问题，因此通常会求助教会以外私人执业的辅导员。现在，有许多这样的辅导员正做着很好的工作，并且我真心认为私人执业的辅导是应当存在的。但是，我要说的是，在地方教会的环境中进行专业的辅导具有特别的好处，我甚至建议这才应该是通常的状态、应有的样式。

如果你要做个选择，一边是对你一无所知、除了辅导以外没有任何责任的人，另一边是要为你的灵魂守望、并为此向神交账的人，你选哪一个？

你们要依从那些引导你们的，且要顺服；因他们为你们的灵魂时刻警醒，好像那将来交账的人。（来13:17）

辅导员辅导，牧师牧养。辅导员帮助你，使你回到正途；而牧师受神托付帮助你，并且在很长一段时间内始终向你委身。如果你的问题复发，辅导员通常会再次向你敞开办公室的门；而牧师一直在你的生活中，所以一旦问题复发，他们已经在身边与你同行。辅导员会帮助、关怀、爱；而牧师则会帮助、关怀、爱，还有通过话语的事奉对你行使权柄。

牧师和辅导员都在神的国度里承担着重要的工作。但是，牧养关系的性质包含了一种对所在地方教会成员持续的委身。因此，在教会环境中，牧师的工作远比辅导员重要。

如果你正在为某个问题挣扎，想要求助于具备专业辅导技能的人是正常的。在过去二十年中，基督教辅导员的市场一直在稳定增长。今天可以找到的合格的圣经辅导员，人数远超过二十年前。可是，如果你的牧师同时也具备辅导的技能，会怎么样？如果能将两种职业合二为一，那会有多好？想一下，如果有人受过辅导的专业训练，辅导又不收费（你还免受保险推销骚扰），他还已经委身牧养你和你的家庭二三十年，并且你可以去自己的教会找他。你会至少让他来试试吗？

圣经非常强调的一点，就是基督徒在信仰上彼此建立的重要性。

他所赐的，有使徒，有先知，有传福音的，有牧师和教师；为要成全圣徒，各尽其职，建立基督的身体，直等到我们众人在真道上同归于一，认识神的儿子，得以长大成人，满有基督长成的身量。（弗4:11-13）

神赐给教会牧师和教师，而牧养工作的一部分就包括辅导，以及教导教会成员彼此辅导（另参帖前5:14）。圣经辅导员的工作，从属于建造教会、使之长大成人并且满有基督长成身量的整体工程。

在辅导过程中，始终存在一种急于解决问题、“修复”生命的试探。但是，圣经辅导的最终目的却是属灵成长。教牧辅导员使用他们的恩赐进行辅导，因为他们盼望人们在基督里不断成长、越发成熟。

在教会生活中，盟约是重要的工具。它们表明了同一间教会的成员向彼此所作的委身。当一位教会成员与自己教会的辅导员面谈时，他是在与一位已经承诺按着以基督为中心的方式与他一起生活的人谈话。圣经辅导应当是我们同为教会成员所立盟约承诺的自然延伸。

并不是每一间教会都有正式的盟约。然而，无论是否有盟约，所有教会都会对他们应当如何在一起生活有所认识，这就是盟约所表达的内容。在我们教会，教会盟约中有一些内容就是在表达盼望在辅导室内外达成的效果：

我们将用和平彼此联络，竭力保守圣灵所赐合而为一的心，并为此祈祷不倦。

我们将在弟兄之爱中偕行，成为一间基督教会的成员；带着爱心彼此看顾和守望，并在必要情况下，忠心地彼此劝诫和恳求。

我们将为彼此的喜乐而欢喜，并带着温柔和同情的心，尽力背负彼此的重担和忧伤。

在神的帮助下，我们将寻求在这世界谨慎地生活，拒绝不敬虔的事物以及属世界的情欲，并记得，因我们自愿经由洗礼象征性地被埋葬、又从死里复活，就有特殊的义务在今后度全新且圣洁的生活。”

一方面，我们教会的每一名成员都委身于向其他成员践行这些承诺。另一方面，我们教会也慷慨地设立一位全职服事的人——就是我，负责帮助教会在有特别需要的领域完成这些承诺。当然，我和其他长老也需要努力提醒会众，所有这一切也仍然是他们的工作。正如我之前提到的，作为负责辅导的牧师，我同样受呼召装备会众来承担这项工作。

许多世俗辅导模式宣扬不要在辅导室之外与被辅导客户有任何接触。但同属一间教会则会有帮助，因为：

最近，我们的一位牧师以腓利门书讲道，这篇深刻的道促使成员来与我分享他们在饶恕方面的挣扎。多么宝贵的机会啊！辅导员和受辅导者都在谈论牧师的讲道，还有神的话语塑造我们的方式。我们能够这样做，就是因为在主日上午有同样的经历。

牧师有特别的机会听到人们分享自己的挣扎。通常没有人会听到和知道牧师所了解的事情。那么，一位辅导牧师如何善用这种由特权而来的信息呢？当一位教会成员为某个问题挣扎时，辅导牧师可以带上其他有同样问题、且已经克服这个问题的人，一同联络这位成员。一位在教会以外私人执业的辅导员就没有其他人可用——没有什么在受辅导者生命中的人可以提供帮助，都得靠辅导员一个人的智慧。

同时有数位辅导员不好吗（箴14:11；24:6）？为什么不让一个人的密友在辅导和关怀过程中扮演更重要的角色呢？为什么不把那些有同样问题的人带到一起，让他们彼此鼓励、胜过挣扎？让已经脱离酒瘾的人帮助挣扎中的酗酒者；或者让经历过家庭暴力的人安慰刚刚遭到家暴的女性。让这些同属一间教会的基督徒这样做吧。让他们作为对彼此负有盟约义务的弟兄姐妹这样做吧。让他们作为接受过神的安慰，现在渴望把这种安慰带给别人的人去做吧。让他们作为在基督里长大、成熟的人，现在渴望帮助那些挣扎者的人去做吧。

这样一幅基督身体的画面是何等的美丽——不只是强壮的帮助软弱的，而是软弱的彼此帮助。

在你所在的社区，可能有各种各样的辅导员。不过，正如我在本文中建议的，有许多很好的理由表明你应该在自己的教会接受辅导。神让我们在教会的环境中生活和成长。接受从这个集体而来的力量和鼓励对我们是有益的。向这个集体中有智慧的成员寻求敬虔的意见对我们而言也是明智的选择。

“God knows me well,” a friend once said to me. “He knew that, apart from the accountability and love that comes from a Christian community, I would not survive in this world.”

God never meant for Christians to live alone. Through the church on earth, therefore, he created a place where Christians could gather for corporate worship, accountability, fellowship, instruction, and godly exhortation. I would even dare say that the fullest expression of our faith cannot occur apart from loving communion with other believers in a local church.

Yet because Christians are often scared to reveal their problems to people they know, they commonly seek out counselors who work in private practices outside of their church. Now, many of these counselors are doing good work, and I do believe there is a role for private practice counseling. Yet, I want to argue that there are distinct advantages to doing specialized counseling in the context of one’s local church, and I would even propose that it should be the norm.

Here are five thoughts on counseling in the context of the local church.

First, church-based counseling means submitting to leaders who already have watch over your soul.

If you had a choice between seeing someone who knows nothing about you and has no obligation to you outside of counseling or seeing someone who will give an account to God for how well he has watched over your soul, who would you choose?

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. (Heb. 13:17)

Counselors counsel, pastors pastor. Counselors help you and send you on your way. But pastors are charged with helping you and staying committed to you for the long-haul. Counselors are typically open to you returning to their office if the problem resurfaces. But pastors are constantly in your life, so if the problem comes back they will already be walking alongside you. The counselor will help, care, and love. But the pastor will help, care, love, and will exercise authority over you through the ministry of the Word.

Both pastor and counselor do important work in the kingdom. But the nature of the pastoral relationship includes an ongoing commitment to the members of his local church. Thus, within a church context, the pastor’s task is much greater than the counselor’s.

If you are struggling with a problem, it would not be uncommon to want to see someone who is skilled at counseling. The market for Christian counselors has grown steadily over the last twenty years. And there are many more competent, biblical counselors available today as compared to twenty years ago. But what if you could go to someone who was both a skilled counselor and also your pastor? What if you could combine both professions into one? Think about someone who was trained in counseling, who didn’t charge a fee for counseling (and allowed you to avoid the hassles of insurance), who was committed to pastoring you and your family for twenty or thirty years, and was readily available to you in your own church. Would you at least give him a try?

Second, church-based counseling reaffirms our commitment to build one another up in the faith.

One priority laid out in Scripture is the importance of Christians building one another up in the faith.

It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ (Eph. 4:11-13)

God has given the church pastors and teachers, and part of the work of pastoring includes counseling as well as teaching the members of a church to counsel one another (see also 1 Thes. 5:14). A biblical counselor’s work is one part of the overall project building the church toward maturity and attaining the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

In counseling, there is always a temptation to problem-solve and “fix” people’s lives. Yet the end goal of biblical counseling is spiritual growth. Pastoral counselors use their gifts to counsel because they want people to grow in greater maturity in Christ.

Third, church-based counseling is a natural extension of our covenant to one another as members of the same church.

Covenants are important tools in the life of the church. They represent a commitment that members of the same church have to one another. When a church member meets a counselor in his church, he is meeting with someone who has already made a commitment to live with the member in a Christ-centered way. Biblical counseling should be a natural extension of the covenantal commitment we have made as members of the same church.

Not all churches have a formal covenant. But whether or not they do, all churches have a sense of how they are going to live together, which is what a covenant articulates. At my church, there are several lines in the church covenant that articulate what we want to accomplish in the counseling room and beyond:

“We will work and pray for the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

“We will walk together in brotherly love, as becomes the members of a Christian church; we will exercise affectionate care and watchfulness over each other and faithfully admonish and entreat one another as occasion may require.”

“We will rejoice at each other’s happiness, and endeavor with tenderness and sympathy to bear each other’s burdens and sorrows.”

“We will seek, by Divine aid, to live carefully in the world, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, and remembering that, as we have been voluntarily buried by baptism and raised again from the symbolic grave, so there is on us a special obligation now to lead a new and holy life.”

On the one hand, every member of our church commits to pursuing these promises toward every other member. On the other hand, our church has generously set aside one individual full time—me—to help it with the work of fulfilling these promises in areas of special need. Of course, I and the other elders need to work hard at reminding the congregation that all this remains their work too. As I’ve already mentioned, I as the pastor of counseling am also called to equip the congregation to do this work.

Fourth, there are other benefits for pastoral counselor and counselee to belong to the same church.

Many of the secular counseling paradigms advocate no contact with counseling clients outside of the counseling office. But being in the same church helps because

Recently, one of our pastors taught from the book of Philemon, and his thoughtful sermons prompted members to share with me their struggles with forgiveness. What an invaluable opportunity! Both the counselor and the counselee talked about the pastor’s sermon and the ways God’s Word had shaped us. And we got to do this because of our shared experience on Sunday mornings.

Fifth, church based counseling provides the potential for greater accountability of shared problems, as well as the opportunity to know who else in the church can share the care-giving load.

A pastor has a unique opportunity to hear people share their struggles. Often no one else will hear and know the things that a pastor knows.  How can a pastor of counseling then use this privileged knowledge well? When there is a church member who struggling with a problem, a pastor of counseling can serve the individual by connecting him or her with someone else who has already worked through the same problem. A private practice counselor outside the church has no other human resources to draw upon—no one else in the counselee’s life who can assist. It all comes down to that counselor’s wisdom.

But is there not wisdom in a multitude of counselors (Prov. 14:11; 24:6)? Why not charge the close friends of an individual to play a larger role in counseling and care-giving? Why not bring together those people who share the same problems to encourage one another through their struggles? Let the former alcoholic help the struggling alcoholic; or let the abuse survivor comfort the woman who was recently abused. Let them do this as Christians in a church. Let them do this as brothers and sisters who have a covenantal obligation to one another. Let them do this as those who received God’s comfort, and now desire to show that comfort to others. Let them do this as those who have grown and matured in Christ, and who now desire to help those who are struggling.

What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ—not just the strong helping the weak, but the weak helping one another.

There are probably a variety of counselors available in your community. But, as I’ve suggested in this article, there are good reasons why you should consider counseling in your own church. God has made us to live and grow in the context of a church. It is good for us to receive strength and encouragement from that community. And it is wise for us to seek godly counsel from wise members of that community.