手把手教你美国大学写作拿A（下）

下面就来详细说一下每一种文体该怎么写，要注意的问题以及一些技巧：

其实就是类似读后感的一篇文章。我们在写这篇作文之前读了很多文章，教授让我们挑选自己喜欢的一篇，然后挑这个文章中的某个element，比如写作手法，人物性格，语言特色等，挑一个方面来具体分析，写4～5页。我选的是一篇写同性恋心理的文章，叫A Clack Of Tiny Sparks。我分析的是里面一个无足轻重的character，叫Theresa（虽然不是主角但是我赋予了她重大意义）。通过写这篇文章，我得到的经验和教训是：

(1)一定要仔细剖析你要分析的文章，读个透（至少读个5遍吧），然后选一个独特的，能体现你自己voice的角度来写。美国人是很注重creative thinking的，你想象老师们读了那么多篇文章，大多都千篇一律，没有亮点，他烦都烦死了。此时此刻他多么希望自己能够读到让他眼前一亮的文章啊！记住，老师们读学生的文章，也是期盼着能读到新东西的。They expect a new way of seeing。如果你的文章非常有unique voice，老师首先就会被你的独特视角所吸引，那么你离好成绩就不远了。比如我这篇文章，就写的是Theresa是作者分裂出来的一个人格，是他潜藏在身体中的“另一个自己”。这一点就非常吸引老师，他给我的评价也是“very creative and interesting perspective”。其实我这篇文章问题挺多的，逻辑不够清晰，还好多重复的语言，最要命的是结尾的时候我还特别主观地代入了自己的想法，不过老师还是给了我一个A-，我觉得还是因为我的想法好。可见，选一个独特的角度是多么重要。

(2)有一个清晰、开门见山的好开头也很重要，我是指对于读后感这类文章。因为一开头你必须要summerize故事的内容，还要明确提出Thesis Statement，所以要求还是很高的。下面给出我写的开头，大家可以参考一下：

During the stage of early adolescence when hormonal changes occur rapidly, there’s always confusion about gender, along with attraction about the sex. (由一个现象，引出我要说的内容，不至于突兀)In Bernard Cooper’s essay “A Clack of Tiny Sparks: Remembrances of a Gay Boyhood”, he writes about the struggle of recognizing and defining his own sexual identity as an adolescent. (一定要高度凝练地概括你读了谁的什么书，一句话总结文章内容) Theresa Sanchez, a mature and unique girl in Cooper’s class, plays a very important role in helping Cooper realize and accept the fact that he is gay. (引出我要谈论的要素，是一个文中的character) The creation of the character Theresa in the essay is so artful, for she not only serves as the transition from one episode to another, but she is also like a guide in disguise, leading Cooper toward the right direction at some critical points during his painful struggle. Throughout the essay, Theresa just reflects another personality of the author, guiding him to fulfill his self-discovery on homosexuality. (这是我整个文章的Thesis Statement，一定要在开头段说清楚，而且要说的全面)

(3)最大的教训是写这类文章不要代入自己的主观情感（！！！）。 千万不要说你喜不喜欢这个character，因为没有人关心这个。读者只关心你是怎么去阐释这个角色的，你是如何自圆其说的，你是如何赋予这个角色一层新的认知的。而且，不要自作多情地“以小代大”，意思是千万不要用“We”，因为你可不能保证其他人是不是和你想的一样，用We来说话，是很冒犯人的。下面来看我文章的结尾，是一个赤果果的反面教材，大家就当教训了：

Personally, I like this character very much. (首先就犯了大忌！谁在意你是不是喜欢这个角色呢！别加入自己的情感！) Despite the lack of basic facts about Theresa, this character is successfully and vividly established through her interactions with Cooper. We could feel as if Theresa has come to life, instead of a rigid figure in a story that we can’t resonate with. (谁跟你想的一样啊真是自作多情！记住，Never use “We” in an essay!!!) As Cooper’s guide in disguise, Theresa let Cooper confront his sexuality face to face by asking him “Are you a fag” at first, and after his failed experiment about the opposite sex, Theresa gave him justifications and confidence that ultimately led to the completion of his self-discovery on his sexual identity. Had it not been for her guidance at some critical points, Cooper wouldn’t have survived his painful struggle with his identity and honestly accepted his homosexuality in the end. Theresa is the thread of the whole story, an “invisible hand” that artfully manipulates the development of Cooper’s essay, a crucial character that leaves so deep an impression on the audience that we couldn’t shake it out of our heads. (又犯了大忌，唉，当时我还无知)

也就是写一个Personal Story，一件发生在你生命中的故事。个人感觉这篇比较好写，只要想好了要写啥故事，那就不愁了，直接信手拈来了。这篇文章个人发挥的余地就比较大了，想写什么就写什么，不过文章还是要有中心论点的，以及叙述要生动，让人有身临其境之感，就跟读小说似的。这篇文章我得了A+并且老师的评论是Excellent job。所以我也分享一些我写文章的经验，以及说几点我在这文章中得到的教训吧，我感觉很受用：

(1)一定要注意句子和句子之间的内在逻辑，在一篇文章里，没有一句话应该是白说的，它一定是服务于某个目的的。有时我会犯懒，直接说一个现象，然后就得出了一个结论，因为我实在懒得说过程了。可是读者都有精明的双眼，他们可是不会放过你逻辑上的一点点不合理的地方。你一定要对你说的每一句话负责，因为你想敷衍而过的东西，读者就会像纠住把柄一样不放过。他们会提很多细小的问题，不断在质疑，直到你能自圆其说为止。这一点我在Peer Critique的时候深有体会。这帮Peers一定要我把每件事情都说清楚啊！累死姐了好么！不过现在看来，这真的是个好习惯，也能证明你是一个头脑清晰，负责任的好作者。下面来看我写的一段话，括号里是我的Peer，一个叫Helene的姑娘的质疑：

I have to say I was a very spoiled kid in my childhood. Brought up by my grandparents in a suburban area in Beijing, I was no doubt the apple in their eyes. My grandparents, with the most loving hearts on earth（How can you tell？Any Example？）, treated me with extra love and care lest I felt slightly unhappy. They never blamed me when I did wrongs things, and with this indulgence which I took for granted, I grew more and more self-centered and wayward. At school, I was not a hard-working type of person, but all classes seemed really easy to me. （Why？You are smarter than others or your classes are too easy？）Teachers liked me because I could always get full points in exams. Classmates liked me because I could play the piano and accordion pretty well. （How does “playing an instrument” relate to “your classmates liked you”？Any relationship between these two？Or your classmates like music-oriented students？Explain.）And my neighbors always praised me with the biggest smiles ever when they saw me on the streets and told their kids to “learn from sister Tong.” （Why they did that？Why they praised you？）It seemed that I was the real model that parents set for their children in our district. All of these became my secret pride, which is not even worth mentioning when I looked back, but at that time, it was something powerful enough to float my boat （Avoid cliché!) and make an eight-year-old child quite proud and conceited.

这是第二篇文章的开头段。你们看，我永远无法敷衍我的读者，有些事情我只是想一代而过（因为这些真心不是这篇文章的重点啊亲！我只是介绍一下背景！）但是Helene却提出了这么多个why，而且她提出的问题也很有道理。这些疑问让我思考，也让我觉得我确实句子和句子之间的逻辑不够清楚，能引发人很多遐想。所以，我听取了Helene的建议，把这段改成了如下：

I have to say I was a very spoiled kid in my childhood. Brought up by my grandparents in a suburban area in Beijing, I was the apple in their eyes. They treated me with so much love and care in daily life because they didn’t want me to feel slightly unhappy. They never let me do chores or help them with anything for fear of wasting my time. When my mom criticized me for doing something wrong, they would firmly stand by my side and “defend” my position, and sometimes they even quarreled with my mom. For my grandparents, it seemed that their granddaughter was always right, and her smallest concern should be taken care of. With this indulgence that I took for granted, I grew more and more self-centered and wayward.

At primary school, I was not a hard-working type of person. I just did the required homework and spent the rest of my spare time playing. But all classes seemed really easy to me. I won a lot of awards in math and composition, and despite those academic achievements, I was also good at singing, drawing, playing the piano and accordion. My teachers liked me because I could easily get high scores on exams. My classmates liked to be friends with me because they admired my versatility. I became popular among the kids in our district, and my neighbors, who had occasionally heard their children talk about me, always greeted me with broad smiles when they saw me on the streets and told their kids to “learn from sister Tong.” It seemed that I was the role model that parents set for their children in our district. All of these things became my secret pride, which is not even worth mentioning when I look back, but at that time, it was something powerful enough to make an eight-year-old child quite proud and conceited.

这样就自圆其说多了，读起来没那么牵强了。永远不要低估你的读者们，他们很强大，他们很挑剔，他们有一双双的慧眼去识破你的各种破绽！写作的过程中，一定要不断自我提问，自我反省，你如果对自己提出的问题都不能自圆其说，就别奢望读者们去理解了。

(2)避免Cliché！！！Cliché也就是老美们用烂的那些惯用语。通常，这种短语是应该被避免的，但实际上是避免不了的，所以他们才叫做Cliché 。因为这种短语被使用的很广泛，比如写信、电影、文章中都会用到，对于英语学习者来说，这种短语是你应该明白它的含义但是尽量少用的。

我们曾经上了一堂课，专门列出了几个Cliché，然后大家把它们改成新颖的表达方式，我觉得这样还挺有用的。Cliché呢也是见一个积累一个，碰到这些以后就换个方式表达就行了，要不被用滥了就没劲了不是。

其实我在第二篇essay里面也用了一些Cliché的，毕竟是国际生嘛，还不太清楚什么是Cliché什么不是。庆幸的是Peers帮我指出，我才能改进。比如Float my boat，raining cats and dogs，moment of truth，fit as a fiddle这些都算Cliché，以后见到它们，大家要注意换一种方式表达。

(3)Provide a bigger picture out of your personal story。你这篇essay，一定不要局限于你自己的故事，讲完就完了。要想让这个essay更有含金量，我觉得特别重要的一点就是一定要升华主旨，光就事论事是不够的。写一件事，你自然会得出一些道理，怎么把这些道理升华，让人们站在更高的角度来理解，让读者觉得你这件事情不只是发生在个体的身上，而是有了一种代表性，有一种由个体影射整个社会的意义，就靠你自己的三寸不烂之舌了。

怎么说呢，这篇其实没有什么individual expression了，就是选一个文化现象，然后去分析，重点是要做大量的research，找大量的资料，但是文章又不能写成research paper，一定要personal example和research的资料并用才行。如何让这种长篇大论既有知识含量又不令人觉得枯燥？我觉得这是最难把握的。而且写10页的analysis也绝非易事，怎么去构思整个essay，怎么去做research，都是很实在的问题。下面介绍一下我的经验：

(1)找到自己想研究的文化现象。这个需要时间去思考，也要考虑自己的兴趣，所以不容易，大概需要一周的时间去调查、去思考。选好了一个topic，一定要narrow it down，选一个角度，不太大不太小，能展开分析就好。然后这个一定要列大纲，不列是不行的。一定要从多个角度去论证你的中心论点，而且每个段落的 topic sentence一定要想好，然后看这些topic sentences支不支持你的论点，有没有跑题。做好这个是最基本的，虽然辛苦，但是别无他法。

(2)这么长的文章该从何下手呢？别慌。先想想我之前说的在写作之前要做的那三点，然后如法炮制，就不会太痛苦的。一般来说，在引出你要写的文化现象之前，你需要做铺垫的。先想一下，什么铺垫才能顺理成章的引出我要写的现象呢？这个铺垫怎么样才能抓住读者的眼球呢？怎么样才能让铺垫兴味盎然呢？从Personal story入手是个好选择。写你自己身上的事，然后逐渐引出topic，是个比较自然也比较有趣的开头方式。比如，我写的就是岳敏君大师的笑脸，但是为了引出我对这个文化现象的探索，我必须得在开头铺垫好我是怎么知道这个画家的，我和他的画有什么接触，以及我为什么对他画的笑脸感兴趣？交待好这些，你写这个文化现象才顺理成章，要不读者看不到你和你要探索的现象之间的联系，就会少了一份亲切感，觉得你可能是生搬硬套。

为了引出这个文化现象，我做了好多的铺垫啊，大家可以一看：

As my art teacher Ms. Wang turned to another slide, a painting with a big laughing face came to my sight. What a funny face! A wide-open mouth containing more teeth than one could possibly want, like the expensive smiles of fashion models advertising the whitening power of a toothpaste brand. The figure has a bold head, a somehow twisted body, and a remarkably big laugh. No matter how the motifs of the paintings change, there’s always the same laughing face in every picture. It was in 11^th grade when I first encountered those laughing faces, but I didn’t pay particular attention to them. They did leave a deep first impression on me, but I just thought they were nothing but humorous faces. （这一段是写我是怎么知道岳敏君的笑脸的，第一次见是什么时候，以及最初印象）

A week ago, in my friend Joy’s house, we saw a Chinese movie called Color Me Love (2010). It was about an artist, Yihong’s love story and his constant effort to create his unique painting style. In one scene, Yihong was introducing a big laughing face to his girlfriend, which was exactly the same picture as I saw in 11^th grade. Excited to see such a coincidence, I listened attentively to Yihong’s introduction. In a professional manner, Yihong said with cool confidence, “This guy, Yue Minjun, the painter, just sold his painting Execution at an auction in London for nearly 6 million dollars. He’s famous for repetitively painting the same laughing face in his artwork. Many artists don’t like his paintings, because they think the laughing face is silly. But I like it. There’s much more behind the grin.” （这段写我再次见到岳敏君的笑脸，更强化了印象，而且开始感兴趣了）

Yihong’s words completely sparked my interest in those laughing faces, and somehow I could sense that Yue Minjun’s artwork is not as simple as what people see on the surface. When it comes to art, people see things in different ways and have their own interpretations. Some people find the laughing faces intriguing while others think they are meaningless and ridiculous. The laughing face has been variously interpreted as a sort of joke at the absurdity of it all, or the illusion of happiness in lives inevitably heading toward extinction. Instead of judging a piece of artwork by the first glance, I believe it’s always helpful to dig into it and find its intrinsic values. A simple laughing face can have symbolic meanings. What may be simply a silly grin to one could actually be a thoughtful reflection and investigation of social and cultural issues. I couldn’t help but wonder why the painter used the same face, with that jaw-breaking grin, over and over again. What lies behind those symbolic laughing faces? （终于，提出了心中的问题，文章自然而然地被引入我要探索的文化现象中来）

有人可能会觉得我喧宾夺主了，太不开门见山了，可是这就是一种策略。一方面，因为文章我写了12页，这个只占了一页，所以其实不多；另一方面，读者希望明白你为什么要探索这个文化现象，所以解释的清楚会消除读者的疑虑，让事情显得顺理成章。最重要的是，整篇文章有大量的research，必须得有一些personal的东西来调和，不然显得太枯燥无味了。

(3)Research这个东西，其实教授是希望你能去图书馆查阅图书的。当然了，这是必要的，因为网上的东西毕竟有限，好多珍贵的资料毕竟有知识产权的。但是 如果你觉得网上的资料足够用，也不必瞎折腾去图书馆查资料（至少我是觉得太麻烦了，还担心自己笨手笨脚地不会查）。如果你跟我一样，那么就得在上网查资料 时费大功夫了。个人觉得Google Scholars就不错，还能和Umich挂钩，所以图书馆的一些Journal啊还是有电子Pdf版本的。自然，学校自己的Mirlyn就不必多介绍了，这个资源大家应该都会用。我会把我查的资料整理到一个word文档里面当作我的resources，有很多页，我会在重点句子上面标注，并且会在一些句子后面打上括号写下我自己的想法，这样方便查阅，也方便用。

到了该写第四篇essay的时候已经临近期末，好心的教授很人性化，不忍心给大家负担，于是这个essay就open topic了，不过有几个方向：可以写你自己和writing有关的任何话题，也可以写关于家乡的，也可以写第三个essay的后续，反正这三个大方向随便挑一个。我就写了一个题目叫“Why I Love To Write”的essay。因为话题太宽泛了没有针对性，在此就不多说了。

1. Group Workshops 有用程度：★★★★★

绝对是整个First year writing写作课中让我受益最多的一个部分。我们四个人一个小组，互相批改对方的essay，最后要落实到一个笔头的Peer Critique上来，大概四五百字。我觉得我Peers的建议对我来说简直太宝贵了。因为教授从来都不会帮你批改essay（至少我们的section是这样），所以first draft写完之后只有Peer Review，就是同学之间互改。我也只能依赖于同学们的建议了。好在我碰上的都是写作高手，那个叫Helene的女孩真是我太好的老师了。基本上我作文中所有有建设性的建议都是她提出来的。感谢她，让我在这个课程中收获颇丰，让我的英语作文有了长足进步。

2. Sweetland Writing Center 有用程度：★★★

这个学期去了两次Sweetland Writing Center，个人感觉还是比较好的。老师都很认真敬业，态度诚恳，尽职尽责。而且还能帮助改语言改语法改用词，让语言更加地道。但是他们基本上不管你essay的思路。纵使你思维超级混乱，他们大概不会主动说的，除非你问他们对你的essay还有什么建议。而且个人认为，每次半个小时，太短了！根本就改不完！而且貌似一周只能约一次，所以有些蛋疼。建议大家还是约ELI的吧，那个专门针对国际生，而且一次45分钟，时间稍微充裕一些。而且ELI里面的Judy Dyer我简直是大爱！大家都要找Judy啊！她人巨Nice而且改的还超级认真！特别负责特别可爱的一个老师！

3. Office Hour 有用程度：★★

我从来没去过Office Hour所以我也没什么发言权。因为我觉得我们的教授太年轻了（刚读Phd）而且长的太帅了所以我不太好意思去他的office hour（众：你太lame了！这是什么破理由！）不过听吴夏莉说，她去office hour很多次但她那professor基本就是敷衍的态度，不帮着改作文因为说这样对其他学生不公平，顶多让你讲讲你的思路然后稍微评论一下而已。所以，不要指望去office hour让教授为你单开炉灶了，基本不可能。但是这样有个好处，就是可以和professor更加亲近，瞎侃闲聊神马的，促进关系，没准对最后的Letter Grade有好处呢。比如王昊林同学，他就经常去他那教授的Office Hour跟人家套近乎，那教授是个女的，特sentimental，王昊林略施小计这女的就特别喜欢他了。所以嘛，最后他的成绩还是比较理想的。可见，Office Hour还是很有用处的！！（笔者写到这里的时候坏笑了一下…）

以下是王昊林同学自己写的建议，大家可以当作参考：“下课了，老师布置作业了，可能是一篇essay的draft，这时候建议大家提早开始构思写好大纲在开始写文章。在due之前集体提交first draft之前把文章写完了后尽快找instructor的office hour让他帮你看一下做出点评论，如果幸运点有的instructor会很kind的帮你修改语法错误，仔细听老师的意见然后回去再做修改，一般draft后老师还是会帮你修改文章的，这样你会比别的同学多一次让老师修改的机会了。多去office hour这样老师会对你有所印象，你也可以和他随意聊聊天这样老师会觉得你和他比较亲近这样他会提供更多的资源给你，最后不要忘了每次都要感谢instructor，然后你也可以吹嘘下他的帮助对你是多么的有用让你克服了对写作的种种恐惧，并且表示出你的积极向上的心态。”

（1）《Woe is I》，作者 Patricia T. O’Conner

如果有人语法不太好的话，可以看看这本书。写得非常好，语言通俗易懂，是美国一本特别popular的语法书。

（2）Pocket Keys for Writers, 2009 MLA Update Edition，作者Ann Raimes

其实每个人都需要这么一本书来学习怎么规范自己的写作。这本书很小， 适合放在床边没事读读。像什么最后的works cited这里面都有很清晰的阐释该怎么写。这可是ELI 120的老师Judy推荐的！我大爱的Judy啊～

写了这么多，就是希望大家心中有个底，彻底了解这个课，以及明白怎样去应对美国大学的写作课。这里以Eng125为例，其实Upper-level Writing也是一个道理，不必恐惧，也不必莫名的惶恐。写作课就是一分努力，一分回报，虽然有些人的写作基础可能不是很好，但是如果你态度很好，进步 很大，教授一定会倍感欣慰，会给你应得的成绩的。总而言之，Eng125就是一门普通的大学写作课而已，平和待之，踏实努力，你定会收获属于你的惊喜！

与诸君共勉 :)